The Blacks and the Potters 2
by Nemirel
Summary: The continuation of the Blacks and the Potters discovering the future. OOC
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter.

* * *

**"The Worst Birthday." **Narcissa read.

Sirius frowned. "Well that's no fun."

"He is with the Muggles," Regulus pointed out. "Of course he isn't going to have any fun."

**Not for the first time, an argument had broken out over breakfast at number four, Privet Drive. Mr. Vernon Dursley had been woken in the early hours of the morning by a loud, hooting noise from his nephew Harry's room.**

"Way to go Hedwig," Sirius cheered, "That moron doesn't need to sleep."

"Harry will get in trouble for it though," James groaned. "Why on earth is Hedwig hooting?"

"**Third time this week!" he roared across the table. "If you can't control that owl, it'll have to go!"**

**Harry tried, yet again, to explain.**

"**She's bored," he said. "She's used to flying around outside. If I could just let her out at night -"**

"Oh," James mumbled. "Maybe it has a right to hoot all the time then."

"It really isn't good for her to be locked up all the time," Arcturus frowned. "She could get really sick if she doesn't get any exercise."

"**Do I look stupid?" snarled Uncle Vernon, a bit of fried egg dangling from his bushy mustache.**

"Yes, yes you do," Regulus said seriously.

Sirius looked at his brother with surprised before grinning, pleased that his brother was relaxing and making jokes.

"**I know what'll happen if that owl's let out."**

"Yes he'll write to his friends," Sirius snorted. "It would be the end of the world."

**He exchanged dark looks with his wife, Petunia.**

**Harry tried to argue back but his words were drowned by a long, loud belch from the Dursleys' son, Dudley.**

"Eww," Narcissa scrunched her nose and shuddered. "Disgusting muggle pig."

"**I want more bacon."**

Sirius had an exaggerated, thoughtful look on his face. "If he's a pig and he eats bacon... doesn't that make him a cannibal?" he asked.

Regulus and James both burst out laughing.

"**There's more in the frying pan, sweetums," said Aunt Petunia, turning misty eyes on her massive son. "We must build you up while we've got the chance… I don't like the sound of that school food…"**

"Build him up... what are the trying to do, make him a ball," Sirius said.

"It would be easier to get him around," Regulus laughed.

"**Nonsense, Petunia, I never went hungry when I was at Smeltings," said Uncle Vernon heartily. "Dudley gets enough, don't you, son?"**

**Dudley, who was so large his bottom drooped over either side of the kitchen chair,**

Charlus chuckled. "That image I could have lived without, however I would say he gets more then enough."

**grinned and turned to Harry.**

"**Pass the frying pan."**

"**You've forgotten the magic word," said Harry irritably.**

"Good, Pup, I bet they jump at that."

"I don't know if it was such a good idea... they'll probably punish him for it," James said darkly.

**The effect of this simple sentence on the rest of the family was incredible: Dudley gasped and fell off his chair with a crash that shook the whole kitchen; Mrs. Dursley gave a small scream and clapped her hands to her mouth; Mr. Dursley jumped to his feet, veins throbbing in his temples.**

"**I meant 'please'!" said Harry quickly. "I didn't mean —"**

"**WHAT HAVE I TOLD YOU," thundered his uncle, spraying spit over the table, "ABOUT SAYING THE 'M' WORD IN OUR HOUSE?"**

"... What does he think it will do?" James asked slowly. "Saying magic isn't going to blow up the house."

"Yeah," Sirius laughed. "But it might blow up Dursley."

"**But I —"**

"**HOW DARE YOU THREATEN DUDLEY!" roared Uncle Vernon, pounding the table with his fist.**

"He wasn't threatening him!" James snapped. "Calm down you idiot."

"**I just —"**

"**I WARNED YOU! I WILL NOT TOLERATE MENTION OF YOUR ABNORMALITY UNDER THIS ROOF!"**

"Every day Muggles say magic!" Sirius protested. "It's a totally normal word!"

**Harry stared from his purple-faced uncle to his pale aunt, who was trying to heave Dudley to his feet.**

"**All right," said Harry, "all right…"**

**Uncle Vernon sat back down, breathing like a winded rhinoceros and watching Harry closely out of the corners of his small, sharp eyes.**

**Ever since Harry had come home for the summer holidays, Uncle Vernon had been treating him like a bomb that might go off at any moment, because Harry Potter wasn't a normal boy. As a matter of fact, he was as not normal as it is possible to be.**

"Well he is Prong's son," Sirius teased.

"Shut up," James scowled. "Like you're the shiny example of normal."

"Oh I am," Sirius assured him. "You can't get more normal then me."

**Harry Potter was a wizard**

"There's nothing abnormal about that," Sirius said.

— **a wizard fresh from his first year at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. And if the Dursleys were unhappy to have him back for the holidays, it was nothing to how Harry felt.**

"I can imagine," James said. "It really sucks he has to go there."

**He missed Hogwarts so much it was like having a constant stomachache. He missed the castle, with its secret passageways and ghosts, his classes (though perhaps not Snape, the Potions master),**

"Why would anyone miss that greasy git" asked Sirius with disgust

**the mail arriving by owl, eating banquets in the Great Hall, sleeping in his four-poster bed in the tower dormitory, visiting the gamekeeper, Hagrid, in his cabin next to the Forbidden Forest in the grounds, and, especially, Quidditch, the most popular sport in the wizarding world (six tall goal posts, four flying balls, and fourteen players on broomsticks).**

Sirius and Regulus cheered.

"What about his friends?" James asked. "It's odd he doesn't mention them."

**All Harry's spellbooks, his wand, robes, cauldron, and top-of-the-line Nimbus Two Thousand broomstick had been locked in a cupboard under the stairs by Uncle Vernon the instant Harry had come home. What did the Dursleys care if Harry lost his place on the House Quidditch team because he hadn't practiced all summer?**

"As if," Sirius snorted. "If he's good enough to get on the team first year, without ever flying before, he won't get kicked off for not practicing during the summer."

**What was it to the Dursleys if Harry went back to school without any of his homework done? The Dursleys were what wizards called Muggles (not a drop of magical blood in their veins), and as far as they were concerned, having a wizard in the family was a matter of deepest shame.**

"And like having them as family isn't shameful for Harry," Regulus snorted.

"Too true" Sirius smirked

**Uncle Vernon had even padlocked Harry's owl, Hedwig, inside her cage, to stop her from carrying messages to anyone in the wizarding world.**

"I don't think I have every meet a single person in my life less intelligent," James growled. "Sending letters to his friends will not hurt them in a single way."

"It's actually probably worse for them," Dorea said. "His friends are bound to wonder why he isn't writing to them and they'll look into it."

**Harry looked nothing like the rest of the family.**

"Thank Merlin," Sirius said. "Though it's to bad he had to look like Prongs."

"Hey!" James exclaimed. "There nothing wrong with that. I'm very good looking."

**Uncle Vernon was large and neckless, with an enormous black mustache; Aunt Petunia was horse-faced and bony; Dudley was blond, pink, and porky. Harry, on the other hand, was small and skinny, with brilliant green eyes**

James smiled. He was very glad that he got Lily's gorgeous green eyes.

**and jet-black hair that was always untidy. He wore round glasses, and on his forehead was a thin, lightning-shaped scar.**

**It was this scar that made Harry so particularly unusual, even for a wizard. This scar was the only hint of Harry's very mysterious past, of the reason he had been left on the Dursleys' doorstep eleven years before.**

**At the age of one year old,**

Everyone went still, they realized what was coming. Narcissa's voice got quiet as well.

**Harry had somehow survived a curse from the greatest Dark sorcerer of all time,**

"Thanks to Lily," James said, smiling sadly.

**Lord Voldemort,** **whose name most witches and wizards still feared to speak. Harry's parents had died in Voldemort's attack,**

Sirius let out a tiny, almost inaudible, howl.

**but Harry** **had escaped with his lightning scar, and somehow — nobody understood why —Voldemort's powers had been destroyed the instant he had failed to kill Harry. So Harry had been brought up by his dead mother's sister and her husband. He had spent ten years with the Dursleys, never understanding why he kept making odd things happen without meaning to, believing the Dursleys' story that he had got his scar in the car crash that had killed his parents.**

James said softly. "As if."

**And then, exactly a year ago, Hogwarts had written to Harry, and the whole story had come out. Harry had taken up his place at wizard school, where he and his scar were famous… but now the school year was over, and he was back with the Dursleys for the summer, back to being treated like a dog that had rolled in something smelly.**

"There is nothing wrong with dogs," Sirius huffed, trying to lighten the dark mood.

"What is with you and dogs?" Regulus asked. "Are you obsessed with them or something..."

"Or something," Sirius said cheerfully. "I'm sure you'll understand later."

**The Dursleys hadn't even remembered that today happened to be Harry's twelfth birthday.**

"Happy birthday Harry!" Sirius yelled.

**Of course, his hopes hadn't been high; they'd never given him a real present, let alone a cake — but to ignore it completely…**

"Is completely inhuman," Sirius said. "Birthdays are some of the best days of the year! You get presents, and cake, and everyone has to be nice to you, and..."

"We get it Siri," Andromeda chuckled.

**At that moment, Uncle Vernon cleared his throat importantly and said, "Now, as we all know, today is a very important day."**

**Harry looked up, hardly daring to believe it.**

"I don't either," Regulus said.

"**This could well be the day I make the biggest deal of my career," said Uncle Vernon.**

"Stupid git," Sirius muttered.

**Harry went back to his toast. Of course, he thought bitterly, Uncle Vernon was talking about the stupid dinner party. He'd been talking of nothing else for two weeks. Some rich builder and his wife were coming to dinner and Uncle Vernon was hoping to get a huge order from him (Uncle Vernon's company made drills).**

"**I think we should run through the schedule one more time," said Uncle Vernon. "We should all be in position at eight o'clock. Petunia, you will be —?"**

"**In the lounge," said Aunt Petunia promptly, "waiting to welcome them graciously to our home."**

"I think I would turn around and leave if I saw her," Sirius said.

"Unless there was some food laying out," James teased.

"Umm..." Sirius said looking like he was thinking hard. "I suppose I'd eat fast, then leave."

"**Good, good. And Dudley?"**

"**I'll be waiting to open the door." Dudley put on a foul, simpering smile. "May I take your coats, Mr. and Mrs. Mason?"**

Sirius pretended to throw up.

"**They'll love him!" cried Aunt Petunia rapturously.**

"Yeah right, they probably be sickened by him," Sirius said.

"**Excellent, Dudley," said Uncle Vernon. Then he rounded on Harry. "And you?"**

"**I'll be in my bedroom, making no noise and pretending I'm not there," said Harry tonelessly.**

"How dare they!" James yelled. "That's awful on a normal day but to do it on his birthday!"

"Those foul loathsome evil little cockroaches," Regulus sneered.

"**Exactly," said Uncle Vernon nastily. "I will lead them into the lounge, introduce you, Petunia, and pour them drinks. At eight-fifteen —"**

"**I'll announce dinner," said Aunt Petunia.**

"**And, Dudley, you'll say —"**

"**May I take you through to the dining room, Mrs. Mason?" said Dudley, offering his fat arm to an invisible woman.**

"**My perfect little gentleman!" sniffed Aunt Petunia.**

Everyone in the room snorted.

"**And you?" said Uncle Vernon viciously to Harry.**

"**I'll be in my room, making no noise and pretending I'm not there," said Harry dully.**

"Gits," Sirius muttered darkly.

"**Precisely. Now, we should aim to get in a few good compliments at dinner. Petunia, any ideas?"**

"**Vernon tells me you're a wonderful golfer, Mr. Mason… Do tell me where you bought your dress, Mrs. Mason…"**

"**Perfect… Dudley?"**

"**How about —'We had to write an essay about our hero at school, Mr. Mason, and I wrote about you.'"**

"Oh Merlin, that's awful," Orion chuckled. "I can't remember the last time I heard something so obviously fake."

**This was too much for both Aunt Petunia and Harry. Aunt Petunia burst into tears and hugged her son, while Harry ducked under the table so they wouldn't see him laughing.**

"**And you, boy?"**

**Harry fought to keep his face straight as he emerged.**

"**I'll be in my room, making no noise and pretending I'm not there," he said.**

"**Too right, you will." said Uncle Vernon forcefully. "The Masons don't know anything about you and it's going to stay that way.**

"There is nothing wrong with my son, you fat git," James snarled.

**When dinner's over, you take Mrs. Mason back to the lounge for coffee, Petunia, and I'll bring the subject around to drills. With any luck, I'll have the deal signed and sealed before the news at ten. Be shopping for a vacation home in Majorca this time tomorrow."**

**Harry couldn't feel too excited about this. He didn't think the Dursleys would like him any better in Majorca than they did on Privet Drive.**

"If they even take him," James said. "Which I highly doubt they will."

"Yeah, they'll probably leave them with Mrs. Figg," Sirius said sadly.

"**Right — I'm off into town to pick up the dinner jackets for Dudley and me. And you," he snarled at Harry. "You stay out of your aunt's way while she's cleaning."**

"At least they're not making him clean too," Regulus said.

"Oh don't say that, you probably jinxed it," James groaned.

**Harry left through the back door. It was a brilliant, sunny day. He crossed the lawn, slumped down on the garden bench, and sang under his breath:**

"**Happy birthday to me… happy birthday to me…"**

"Poor Harry," James said, almost to soft to hear. He couldn't imagine living with people who couldn't stand his presence. There wasn't a day his parents hadn't shown him they loved him in some way.

**No cards, no presents, and he would be spending the evening pretending not to exist. He gazed miserably into the hedge. He had never felt so lonely. More than anything else at Hogwarts, more even than playing Quidditch, Harry missed his best friends, Ron Weasley and Hermione Granger.**

"Of course," Sirius said.

**They, however, didn't seem to be missing him at all.**

"What?" Sirius asked, startled. "That can't be right."

**Neither of them had written to him all summer, even though Ron had said he was going to ask Harry to come and stay.**

"Why haven't they written?!" James yelled.

"I'm sure there's a good reason," Regulus frowned. "I can't see either of them just abandoning Harry like that."

**Countless times, Harry had been on the point of unlocking Hedwig's cage by magic and sending her to Ron and Hermione with a letter, but it wasn't worth the risk. Underage wizards weren't allowed to use magic outside of school. Harry hadn't told the Dursleys this; he knew it was only their terror that he might turn them all into dung beetles that stopped them from locking him in the cupboard under the stairs with his wand and broomstick.**

**For the first couple of weeks back, Harry had enjoyed muttering nonsense words under his breath and watching Dudley tearing out of the room as fast as his fat legs would carry him. But the long silence from Ron and Hermione had made Harry feel so cut off from the magical world that even taunting Dudley had lost its appeal — and now Ron and Hermione had forgotten his birthday.**

"That can't be right," Dorea mumbled. "Something must be wrong."

**What wouldn't he give now for a message from Hogwarts? From any witch or wizard? He'd almost be glad of a sight of his archenemy, Draco Malfoy, just to be sure it hadn't all been a dream…**

"Wow, he must really be lonely," Sirius said. "I don't think I would want to see someone I hated, no matter what."

**Not that his whole year at Hogwarts had been fun. At the very end of last term, Harry had come face-to-face with none other than Lord Voldemort himself.**

James shivered at the reminder. His son had come so close to dying, and he had only just barely turned twelve.

**Voldemort might be a ruin of his former self, but he was still terrifying, still cunning, still determined to regain power.**

"Definitely," Regulus nodded. "I'm pretty sure he always will be."

**Harry had slipped through Voldemort's clutches for a second time, but it had been a narrow escape, and even now, weeks later, Harry kept waking in the night, drenched in cold sweat, wondering where Voldemort was now, remembering his livid face, his wide, mad eyes —**

**Harry suddenly sat bolt upright on the garden bench. He had been staring absent-mindedly into the hedge — and the hedge was staring back. Two enormous green eyes had appeared among the leaves.**

"Hold on a sec, what is it?" Sirius asked in confusion. "Is someone spying one him?"

**Harry jumped to his feet just as a jeering voice floated across the lawn.**

"**I know what day it is," sang Dudley, waddling toward him.**

"Congrats," Sirius said. "You've learned the days of the week."

"He already knew, remember?" Regulus chuckled. "He needs them for T.V. shows."

"Oh, that's right."

**The huge eyes blinked and vanished.**

"**What?" said Harry, not taking his eyes off the spot where they had been.**

"**I know what day it is," Dudley repeated, coming right up to him.**

"**Well done," said Harry. "So you've finally learned the days of the week."**

"**Today's your birthday," sneered Dudley. "How come you haven't got any cards? Haven't you even got friends at that freak place?"**

"The idiot muggle!" Walburga snarled, she was getting into the story.

Sirius shot his mother an astonished look which she didn't notice.

"**Better not let your mum hear you talking about my school," said Harry coolly.**

"That's right, it might just give her a heart attack," Bellatrix sneered.

"And that would be the most horrible thing that could ever happen," Regulus said sarcastically.

**Dudley hitched up his trousers, which were slipping down his fat bottom.**

"**Why're you staring at the hedge?" he said suspiciously.**

"He's going to blow it up," James rolled his eyes. "Why does it matter if he's staring at it or not."

"**I'm trying to decide what would be the best spell to set it on fire," said Harry.**

"Maybe he shouldn't have said that," James said. "I don't think the baby whale will take it very well."

**Dudley stumbled backward at once, a look of panic on his fat face.**

"**You c-can't — Dad told you you're not to do m-magic**

"He said the 'm-word'!" Sirius faked gasped.

— **he said he'll chuck you out of the house — and you haven't got anywhere else to go — you haven't got any friends to take you —"**

"**Jiggery pokery!" said Harry in a fierce voice. "Hocus pocus — squiggly wiggly —"**

Everyone burst out laughing.

"**MUUUUUUM!" howled Dudley, tripping over his feet as he dashed back toward the house. "MUUUUM! He's doing you know what!"**

"Okay so it was funny," James said. "But something tells me it wasn't the smartest thing he could have done."

**Harry paid dearly for his moment of fun. As neither Dudley nor the hedge was in any way hurt, Aunt Petunia knew he hadn't really done magic, but he still had to duck as she aimed a heavy blow at his head with the soapy frying pan.**

"That's child abuse!" Dorea exclaimed. "She could have killed him if it hit him in the right spot!"

"Wouldn't that be awful," Bellatrix said, "if he had survived Voldemort only to be killed by a flying soapy frying pan."

"That's not funny Bella," growled James. "She really could have killed him."

She just ignored him.

**Then she gave him work to do, with the promise he wouldn't eat again until he'd finished.**

**While Dudley lolled around watching and eating ice cream, Harry cleaned the windows, washed the car, mowed the lawn, trimmed the flowerbeds, pruned and watered the roses, and repainted the garden bench.**

**The sun blazed overhead, burning the back of his neck. Harry knew he shouldn't have risen to Dudley's bait, but Dudley had said the very thing Harry had been thinking himself… maybe he didn't have any friends at Hogwarts…**

"You do Harry!" James said. "After all you went through last year there is no way you couldn't have friends."

**Wish they could see famous Harry Potter now, he thought savagely as he spread manure on the flowerbeds, his back aching, sweat running down his face.**

**It was half past seven in the evening when at last, exhausted, he heard Aunt Petunia calling him.**

"Finally," James fretted. "He gets to get out of the sun.".

"**Get in here! And walk on the newspaper!"**

**Harry moved gladly into the shade of the gleaming kitchen. On top of the fridge stood tonight's pudding: a huge mound of whipped cream and sugared violets. A loin of roast pork was sizzling in the oven.**

"Which he gets none of I'm sure," Sirius said sadly, it did sound good.

"**Eat quickly! The Masons will be here soon!" snapped Aunt Petunia, pointing to two slices of bread and a lump of cheese on the kitchen table. She was already wearing a salmon-pink cocktail dress.**

**Harry washed his hands and bolted down his pitiful supper. The moment he had finished, Aunt Petunia whisked away his plate. "Upstairs! Hurry!"**

**As he passed the door to the living room, Harry caught a glimpse of Uncle Vernon and Dudley in bow ties and dinner jackets. He had only just reached the upstairs landing when the door bell rang and Uncle Vernon's furious face appeared at the foot of the stairs.**

"**Remember, boy — one sound —"**

"He knows," James snapped. "Now leave him the hell alone."

**Harry crossed to his bedroom on tiptoe slipped inside, closed the door, and turned to collapse on his bed. The trouble was, there was already someone sitting on it.**

"Who?" Sirius asked wide-eyed.

"That's the end of the chapter," Narcissa said. "Your turn Sirius." He took the book, opened it, and began to read.


	2. Chapter 2

**"Dobby's Warning." **Sirius read.

"Who's Dobby?" James asked.

"We, obviously, don't know yet," Regulus told him. "If you would wait a bit then I'm sure we would find out."

**Harry managed not to shout out, but it was a close thing. The little creature on the bed had large, bat-like ears and bulging green eyes the size of tennis balls.**

"It's a house elf," Sirius said in surprise. "What's he doing at the house?"

"Once again," Regulus huffed, "No one knows yet."

**Harry knew instantly that this was what had been watching him out of the garden hedge that morning.**

"So someone was spying on him!" Sirius said triumphantly. "I knew it!"

**As they stared at each other, Harry heard Dudley's voice from the hall.**

"**May I take your coats, Mr. and Mrs. Mason?"**

Sirius made a pretend throwing up motion.

**The creature slipped off the bed and bowed so low that the end of its long, thin nose touched the carpet. Harry noticed that it was wearing what looked like an old pillowcase, with rips for arm- and leg-holes.**

"That's awful!" Regulus exclaimed. "That poor elf!"

"**Er — hello," said Harry nervously.**

"**Harry Potter!" said the creature in a high-pitched voice Harry was sure would carry down the stairs. "So long has Dobby wanted to meet you, sir… Such an honor it is…"**

"Wow he's even admired by the house elves," Sirius chuckled.

"It's not hard to be admired by them," James laughed.

"That's true."

"**Th-thank you," said Harry, edging along the wall and sinking into his desk chair, next to Hedwig, who was asleep in her large cage. He wanted to ask, "What are you?" but thought it would sound too rude, so instead he said, "Who are you?"**

"It was nice of him to change the question," Charlus chuckled. "Though I do not believe the elf would have minded either way."

"**Dobby, sir. Just Dobby. Dobby the house-elf," said the creature.**

"**Oh — really?" said Harry. "Er — I don't want to be rude or anything, but — this isn't a great time for me to have a house-elf in my bedroom."**

"It really isn't," Pollux frowned. "I can just imagine how much trouble Harry will be in if Dursley comes in and sees Dobby."

**Aunt Petunias high, false laugh sounded from the living room. The elf hung his head.**

"Aww, poor Dobby," Sirius said. "Harry hurt his feelings."

"**Not that I'm not pleased to meet you," said Harry quickly, "but, er, is there any particular reason you're here?"**

"**Oh, yes, sir," said Dobby earnestly. "Dobby has come to tell you, sir… it is difficult, sir… Dobby wonders where to begin…"**

"**Sit down," said Harry politely, pointing at the bed.**

"Uh oh," Sirius groaned. "The elf is going to be difficult now."

**To his horror, the elf burst into tears — very noisy tears.**

"And there you go," Sirius said. "Now Harry has a high chance of getting in trouble."

"**S-sit down!" he wailed. "Never… never ever…"**

**Harry thought he heard the voices downstairs falter.**

"Shut up Dobby," James urged. "Please don't get Harry in trouble."

"**I'm sorry," he whispered, "I didn't mean to offend you or anything —"**

"**Offend Dobby!" choked the elf. "Dobby has never been asked to sit down by a wizard — like an equal —"**

**Harry, trying to say "Shh!" and look comforting at the same time, ushered Dobby back onto the bed where he sat hiccoughing, looking like a large and very ugly doll. At last he managed to control himself, and sat with his great eyes fixed on Harry in an expression of watery adoration.**

"**You can't have met many decent wizards," said Harry, trying to cheer him up.**

"Oh Harry," Dorea sighed.

**Dobby shook his head. Then, without warning, he leapt up and started banging his head furiously on the window, shouting, "Bad Dobby! Bad Dobby!"**

"Clearly his masters aren't decent wizards," Regulus said. "This really isn't helping Harry though."

"**Don't — what are you doing?" Harry hissed, springing up and pulling Dobby back onto the bed — Hedwig had woken up with a particularly loud screech and was beating her wings wildly against the bars of her cage.**

James groaned. "This just can't get any worse can it."

"**Dobby had to punish himself, sir," said the elf, who had gone slightly cross-eyed. "Dobby almost spoke ill of his family, sir…"**

"**Your family?"**

"**The wizard family Dobby serves, sir… Dobby is a house-elf — bound to serve one house and one family forever…"**

"**Do they know you're here?" asked Harry curiously.**

**Dobby shuddered.**

"Then how did he get away?" Sirius asked.

"**Oh, no, sir, no… Dobby will have to punish himself most grievously for coming to see you, sir. Dobby will have to shut his ears in the oven door for this. If they ever knew, sir —"**

"**But won't they notice if you shut your ears in the oven door?"**

"**Dobby doubts it, sir. Dobby is always having to punish himself for something, sir. They lets Dobby get on with it, sir. Sometimes they reminds me to do extra punishments…"**

"That's awful," Regulus said, frowning sharply. "Some people are just down right cruel."

"**But why don't you leave? Escape?"**

"**A house-elf must be set free, sir. And the family will never set Dobby free… Dobby will serve the family until he dies, sir…"**

**Harry stared.**

"**And I thought I had it bad staying here for another four weeks," he said. "This makes the Dursleys sound almost human. Can't anyone help you? Can't I?" Almost at once, Harry wished he hadn't spoken. Dobby dissolved again into wails of gratitude.**

"Shut up," James moaned. "You're going to get Harry killed.''

"**Please," Harry whispered frantically, "please be quiet. If the Dursleys hear anything, if they know you're here —"**

"**Harry Potter asks if he can help Dobby… Dobby has heard of your greatness, sir, but of your goodness, Dobby never knew…"**

**Harry, who was feeling distinctly hot in the face, said, "Whatever you've heard about my greatness is a load of rubbish. I'm not even top of my year at Hogwarts; that's Hermione, she —"**

**But he stopped quickly, because thinking about Hermione was painful.**

"**Harry Potter is humble and modest," said Dobby reverently, his orb-like eyes aglow. "Harry Potter speaks not of his triumph over He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named —"**

"**Voldemort?" said Harry.**

**Dobby clapped his hands over his bat ears and moaned, "Ah, speak not the name, sir! Speak not the name!"**

"**Sorry," said Harry quickly. "I know lots of people don't like it. My friend Ron —"**

**He stopped again. Thinking about Ron was painful, too.**

"Poor Harry," James said sadly. "I don't know what I do if I thought my friends had betrayed me."

"Well," Sirius said. "You'll never have to find out mate. Me, Moony, and Wormy would never do anything to let you down."

James smiled at him. "I know," he said.

**Dobby leaned toward Harry, his eyes wide as headlights.**

"**Dobby heard tell," he said hoarsely, "that Harry Potter met the Dark Lord for a second time just weeks ago… that Harry Potter escaped yet again."**

"How did he hear that?" James questioned.

"It might mean that his family has someone at Hogwarts," Andromeda reasoned.

"I bet it's Malfoy, they're a rich wizarding family, they must have a house-elf or two," Sirius said darkly. "And they are more then likely abuse them too."

"That's true, but there are other rich, cruel families out there..." James said thoughtfully. "Alright, two Galleons."

"Done," Sirius smiled.

**Harry nodded and Dobby's eyes suddenly shone with tears.**

"**Ah, sir," he gasped, dabbing his face with a corner of the grubby pillowcase he was wearing. "Harry Potter is valiant and bold! He has braved so many dangers already! But Dobby has come to protect Harry Potter, to warn him, even if he does have to shut his ears in the oven door later… Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts."**

"No way! He has to go, he can't stay there, anything would be better then that!" Sirius exclaimed

**There was a silence broken only by the chink of knives and forks from downstairs and the distant rumble of Uncle Vernon's voice.**

"**W-what?" Harry stammered. "But I've got to go back — term starts on September first. It's all that's keeping me going. You don't know what it's like here. I don't belong here. I belong in your world — at Hogwarts."**

"Damn right!" James said fiercely. "He belongs as far away from those Muggles as he could possibly get!"

"**No, no, no," squeaked Dobby, shaking his head so hard his ears flapped. "Harry Potter must stay where he is safe. He is too great, too good, to lose. If Harry Potter goes back to Hogwarts, he will be in mortal danger."**

"From what?" Narcissa asked. "What's going to hurt him?"

"**Why?" said Harry in surprise.**

"**There is a plot, Harry Potter. A plot to make most terrible things happen at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry this year," whispered Dobby, suddenly trembling all over. "Dobby has known it for months, sir. Harry Potter must not put himself in peril. He is too important, sir!"**

"**What terrible things?" said Harry at once. "Who's plotting them?"**

**Dobby made a funny choking noise and then banged his head frantically against the wall.**

"UGH!" James groaned. "If he can't give any details what good is it to have him there? All he's going to do is get Harry hurt!"

"**All right!" cried Harry, grabbing the elf's arm to stop him. "You can't tell me. I understand. But why are you warning me?" A sudden, unpleasant thought struck him. "Hang on — this hasn't got anything to do with Vol — sorry — with You-Know-Who, has it? You could just shake or nod," he added hastily as Dobby's head tilted worryingly close to the wall again.**

**Slowly, Dobby shook his head.**

"Then who?" James asked. "Who else could possibly be powerful enough to cause a problem for Dumbledore?"

"**Not — not He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named, sir —"**

**But Dobby's eyes were wide and he seemed to be trying to give Harry a hint. Harry, however, was completely lost.**

"Some hint," Bellatrix sneered. "If he can't understand it it's totally useless!"

"**He hasn't got a brother, has he?"**

"Thank god no!" Charlus exclaimed. "Like we need another one!"

**Dobby shook his head, his eyes wider than ever.**

"**Well then, I can't think who else would have a chance of making horrible things happen at Hogwarts," said Harry. "I mean, there's Dumbledore, for one thing — you know who Dumbledore is, don't you?"**

"Who doesn't know Dumbledore," James asked astonished.

"Muggles," Sirius answered.

**Dobby bowed his head.**

"**Albus Dumbledore is the greatest headmaster Hogwarts has ever had. Dobby knows it, sir. Dobby has heard Dumbledore's powers rival those of He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named at the height of his strength. But, sir" — Dobby's voice dropped to an urgent whisper — "there are powers Dumbledore doesn't… powers no decent wizard…"**

"Ah, I bet Dumbledore has them," Regulus snorted. "You have to know your enemy to defeat them. He's just to... light to use dark magic."

**And before Harry could stop him, Dobby bounded off the bed, seized Harry's desk lamp, and started beating himself around the head with earsplitting yelps.**

"Stupid elf," James muttered. "I think he's trying to get Harry killed."

**A sudden silence fell downstairs. Two seconds later Harry, heart thudding madly, heard Uncle Vernon coming into the hall, calling, "Dudley must have left his television on again, the little tyke!"**

"Oh great, the gits heard them," Sirius groaned. "Now Harry's in for it."

"**Quick! In the closet!" hissed Harry, stuffing Dobby in, shutting the door, and flinging himself onto the bed just as the door handle turned.**

"**What — the —devil — are — you — doing?" said Uncle Vernon through gritted teeth, his face horribly close to Harry's. "You've just ruined the punch line of my Japanese golfer joke… One more sound and you'll wish you'd never been born, boy!"**

"Something tells me he already does," Andromeda scowled.

**He stomped flat-footed from the room.**

**Shaking, Harry let Dobby out of the closet.**

"**See what it's like here?" he said. "See why I've got to go back to Hogwarts? It's the only place I've got — well, I think I've got friends."**

"**Friends who don't even write to Harry Potter?" said Dobby slyly.**

"Hold on, how does he know that," James asked angrily. "He better not be the one stopping his mail!"

"**I expect they've just been — wait a minute," said Harry, frowning. "How do you know my friends haven't been writing to me?"**

**Dobby shuffled his feet.**

"**Harry Potter mustn't be angry with Dobby. Dobby did it for the best —"**

"So he's the one responsible for making Harry totally miserable all summer?! I could kill the elf!" James growled.

"**Have you been stopping my letters?"**

"**Dobby has them here, sir," said the elf. Stepping nimbly out of Harry's reach, he pulled a thick wad of envelopes from the inside of the pillowcase he was wearing. Harry could make out Hermione's neat writing, Ron's untidy scrawl, and even a scribble that looked as though it was from the Hogwarts gamekeeper, Hagrid.**

**Dobby blinked anxiously up at Harry.**

"**Harry Potter mustn't be angry…**

"Of course he's angry," Regulus said. "He thought he was all alone all summer."

**Dobby hoped… if Harry Potter thought his friends had forgotten him… Harry Potter might not want to go back to school, sir…"**

"It would take more then that," Sirius scoffed.

**Harry wasn't listening. He made a grab for the letters, but Dobby jumped out of reach.**

"Give him the letters!" James yelled.

"**Harry Potter will have them, sir, if he gives Dobby his word that he will not return to Hogwarts. Ah, sir, this is a danger you must not face! Say you won't go back, sir!"**

"**No," said Harry angrily. "Give me my friends' letters!"**

"Why didn't he lie?" James asked. "Wouldn't that be the best way?"

Orion shook his head. "No," he replied. "If Harry said yes Dobby could have activated some of his house elf magic, making it impossible for Harry to go back to school."

"Oh," James blinked. "Well it's a good Harry's honest then isn't it."

"**Then Harry Potter leaves Dobby no choice," said the elf sadly.**

**Before Harry could move, Dobby had darted to the bedroom door, pulled it open, and sprinted down the stairs.**

"No! Go back up stairs you stupid thing," James moaned.

**Mouth dry, stomach lurching, Harry sprang after him, trying not to make a sound. He jumped the last six steps, landing catlike on the hall carpet, looking around for Dobby. From the dining room he heard Uncle Vernon saying, "… tell Petunia that very funny story about those American plumbers, Mr. Mason. She's been dying to hear…"**

**Harry ran up the hall into the kitchen and felt his stomach disappear.**

**Aunt Petunia's masterpiece of a pudding, the mountain of cream and sugared violets, was floating up near the ceiling. On top of a cupboard in the corner crouched Dobby.**

"No," Sirius protested. "Put the damn thing down!"

"**No," croaked Harry. "Please… they'll kill me…"**

"**Harry Potter must say he's not going back to school —"**

"**Dobby… please…"**

"**Say it, sir —"**

"**I can't —"**

"That's right," James said. "He can't so give up and get over it."

**Dobby gave him a tragic look.**

"**Then Dobby must do it, sir, for Harry Potter's own good."**

"It really isn't," Sirius protested. "Please, Dobby don't do this."

**The pudding fell to the floor with a heart-stopping crash. Cream splattered the windows and walls as the dish shattered. With a crack like a whip, Dobby vanished.**

**There were screams from the dining room and Uncle Vernon burst into the kitchen to find Harry, rigid with shock, covered from head to foot in Aunt Petunia's pudding.**

**At first, it looked as though Uncle Vernon would manage to gloss the whole thing over. ("Just our nephew —very disturbed**

"Hey!" Sirius exclaimed. "If anyone is disturbed it would be you, buddy!"

— **meeting strangers upsets him, so we kept him upstairs…") He shooed the shocked Masons back into the dining room, promised Harry he would flay him to within an inch of his life when the Masons had left, and handed him a mop. Aunt Petunia dug some ice cream out of the freezer and Harry, still shaking, started scrubbing the kitchen clean.**

"Poor Harry," Regulus said. "I think he's in shock."

**Uncle Vernon might still have been able to make his deal — if it hadn't been for the owl.**

"Oh no, the restriction of underage sorcery, Harry's really going to get in trouble," Charlus said.

"Stupid trace," James groaned. "This really is the worst birthday ever Harry."

**Aunt Petunia was just passing around a box of after-dinner mints when a huge barn owl swooped through the dining room window, dropped a letter on Mrs. Mason's head, and swooped out again. Mrs. Mason screamed like a banshee and ran from the house shouting about lunatics. Mr. Mason stayed just long enough to tell the Dursleys that his wife was mortally afraid of birds of all shapes and sizes, and to ask whether this was their idea of a joke.**

**Harry stood in the kitchen, clutching the mop for support, as Uncle Vernon advanced on him, a demonic glint in his tiny eyes.**

"**Read it!" he hissed evilly, brandishing the letter the owl had delivered. "Go on — read it!"**

**Harry took it. It did not contain birthday greetings.**

"Sadly," Sirius mumbled. "Well on the bright side, it should only be a warning."

"Yeah, but there goes his advantage," Narcissa pointed out. "He can't frighten the Muggles by pretending to use magic anymore."

"That's right," Sirius pouted. "Damn it."

**Dear Mr. Potter,**

**We have received intelligence that a Hover Charm was used at your place of residence this evening at twelve minutes past nine.**

**As you know, underage wizards are not permitted to perform spells outside school, and further spellwork on your part may lead to expulsion from said school. (Decree for the Reasonable Restriction of Underage Sorcery, 1875, Paragraph C).**

**We would also ask you to remember that any magical activity that risks notice by members of the non magical community (Muggles) is a serious offense under section 13 of the International Confederation of Warlocks' Statute of Secrecy.**

**Enjoy your holidays!**

Bellatrix snorted. "I doubt he will now.''

**Yours sincerely,**

**Mafalda Hopkirk**

"Oh so it's still her is it," Sirius said. "She's a alright lady, I meet her once in Diagon Alley once."

**IMPROPER USE OF MAGIC OFFICE**

**Ministry of Magic**

**Harry looked up from the letter and gulped.**

"**You didn't tell us you weren't allowed to use magic outside school," said Uncle Vernon, a mad gleam dancing in his eyes. "Forgot to mention it… Slipped your mind, I daresay…"**

"Oh shit, what are they going to do to him now," Sirius groaned.

**He was bearing down on Harry like a great bulldog, all his teeth bared.**

"Back off!" James snapped. "Oh this man is so lucky I'll probably never meet him!"

"**Well, I've got news for you, boy… I'm locking you up…**

"I don't think so," Sirius growled.

**You're never going back to that school… never… and if you try and magic yourself out — they'll expel you!"**

**And laughing like a maniac, he dragged Harry back upstairs.**

**Uncle Vernon was as bad as his word. The following morning, he paid a man to fit bars on Harry's window. He himself fitted a cat-flap in the bedroom door, so that small amounts of food could be pushed inside three times a day. They let Harry out to use the bathroom morning and evening. Otherwise, he was locked in his room around the clock.**

"How dare they!" James yelled. "The boy is twelve, it isn't in the least bit healthy for him to be locked up twenty-four seven!"

"James," Sirius started, "they don't care. It really sucks and all but there isn't anything we can do about it right now."

James looked at him helplessly. "I know, but this is awful," he said quietly. "I just wish I..."

"This won't happen, remember?" said Dorea. "We'll do everything we can to stop it, Jamie."

"Yeah!" Regulus smiled.

"Thanks," James said with a small smile.

**Three days later, the Dursleys were showing no sign of relenting, and Harry couldn't see any way out of his situation. He lay on his bed watching the sun sinking behind the bars on the window and wondered miserably what was going to happen to him.**

"Don't worry," Sirius said. "If he doesn't show up at school someone will come get him."

"But that isn't for weeks!" James protested.

"Better then nothing," Regulus said.

**What was the good of magicking himself out of his room if Hogwarts would expel him for doing it? Yet life at Privet Drive had reached an all-time low. Now that the Dursleys knew they weren't going to wake up as fruit bats, he had lost his only weapon. Dobby might have saved Harry from horrible happenings at Hogwarts, but the way things were going, he'd probably starve to death anyway.**

**The cat-flap rattled and Aunt Petunias hand appeared, pushing a bowl of canned soup into the room. Harry, whose insides were aching with hunger, jumped off his bed and seized it. The soup was stone-cold, but he drank half of it in one gulp. Then he crossed the room to Hedwig's cage and tipped the soggy vegetables at the bottom of the bowl into her empty food tray. She ruffled her feathers and gave him a look of deep disgust.**

"**It's no good turning your beak up at it — that's all we've got," said Harry grimly.**

James glared at the book but didn't say anything. He decided he couldn't accurately put into words the absolute anger he was feeling right now.

**He put the empty bowl back on the floor next to the cat-flap and lay back down on the bed, somehow even hungrier than he had been before the soup.**

**Supposing he was still alive in another four weeks, what would happen if he didn't turn up at Hogwarts? Would someone be sent to see why he hadn't come back? Would they be able to make the Dursleys let him go?**

"Of course they would, you're bloody Harry Potter," Sirius chuckled. James' glare, however, told him his attempt to lighten the mood was not appreciated.

**The room was growing dark. Exhausted, stomach rumbling, mind spinning over the same unanswerable questions, Harry fell into an uneasy sleep.**

**He dreamed that he was on show in a zoo, with a card reading UNDERAGE WIZARD attached to his cage. People goggled through the bars at him as he lay, starving and weak, on a bed of straw. He saw Dobby's face in the crowd and shouted out, asking for help, but Dobby called, "Harry Potter is safe there, sir!" and vanished. Then the Dursleys appeared and Dudley rattled the bars of the cage, laughing at him.**

"Man he has the strangest dreams," Regulus muttered.

"**Stop it," Harry muttered as the rattling pounded in his sore head. "Leave me alone… cut it out… I'm trying to sleep…"**

**He opened his eyes. Moonlight was shining through the bars on the window. And someone was goggling through the bars at him: a freckle-faced, red-haired, long-nosed someone.**

"Ron," Sirius yelled and everyone smiled.

**Ron Weasley was outside Harry's window.**

"Thank Merlin for that," James said. "I take it things are about to improve."

"My turn!" Regulus smiled, taking the book from his older brother.


	3. Chapter 3

**"The Burrow," **Regulus read.

"That's what the Weasley's call their house, isn't it?" Sirius asked.

"Yes," James breathed. "Now we know for sure he'll be away from the damn Muggles."

**"Ron." breathed Harry, creeping to the window and pushing it up so they could talk through the bars. "Ron, how did you —? What the** —?"

"Those most likely would be really good questions if he could only mange to finish them," Regulus chuckled.

**Harry's mouth fell open as the full impact of what he was seeing hit him. Ron was leaning out of the back window of an old turquoise car, which was parked in midair.**

"Cool!" James and Sirius exclaimed.

"I want one!" Sirius added.

"You've already got a flying bike," James told him. "I don't think you need a flying car too, mate."

"But... a car would be cool too," Sirius mumbled.

**Grinning at Harry from the front seats were Fred and George, Ron's elder twin brothers.**

"**All right, Harry?" asked George.**

"No," James scowled. "He's had to live with abusive/magic hating Muggles! And some stupid elf thought it would be a good idea to stop him from returning to where he belongs."

"**What's been going on?" said Ron. "Why haven't you been answering my letters? I've asked you to stay about twelve times, and then Dad came home and said you'd got an official warning for using magic in front of Muggles —"**

"How'd he know," Sirius asked.

"Arthur works for the Ministry, remember?" Dorea reminded him. "In the Misuse of Muggle Artifacts Office.

Pollux snorted. "Fitting for the flying car."

**"It wasn't me — and how did he know?"**

"**He works for the Ministry," said Ron. "You know we're not supposed to do spells outside school —"**

"**You should talk," said Harry, staring at the floating car.**

"I really don't think a second or fourth year would have able to do that," Regulus said. "It was probably their father."

"Knowing Arthur, it wouldn't surprise me," Charlus laughed.

"**Oh, this doesn't count," said Ron. "We're only borrowing this. It's Dad's,**

"Obviously," James laughed.

**we didn't enchant it. But doing magic in front of those Muggles you live with —"**

"Hey!" James protested. "That was not him! And he already told you that!"

**"I told you, I didn't — but it'll take too long to explain now**

"Um, yeah it would be a good idea to get out of there," Sirius said. "Before the sound of the engine wakes someone up."

— **look, can you tell them at Hogwarts that the Dursleys have locked me up and won't let me come back, and obviously I can't magic myself out, because the Ministry'll think that's the second spell I've done in three days, so —"**

"Don't be dense Harry," Regulus scolded. "As if they came all that way to just leave you with them."

"Actually," Dorea said, "the brain stops functioning properly after to long without proper nutrition, so he might be a little… slow until he gets something to eat."

Everyone looked horrified and angry at what Harry was having to suffer.

"**Stop gibbering," said Ron. "We've come to take you home with us."**

"Alright! Go Ron, George, and Fred!" Sirius cheered.

"**But you can't magic me out either —"**

"**We don't need to," said Ron, jerking his head toward the front seat and grinning. "You forget who I've got with me."**

"Undoubtedly the fantastic Weasley brothers can find a way out," Sirius said proudly.

"**Tie that around the bars," said Fred, throwing the end of a rope to Harry.**

"**If the Dursleys wake up, I'm dead," said Harry as he tied the rope tightly around a bar and Fred revved up the car.**

"**Don't worry," said Fred, "and stand back."**

**Harry moved back into the shadows next to Hedwig, who seemed to have realized how important this was and kept still and silent.**

"Good owl," Regulus mumbled. Everyone was tense in anticipation.

**The car revved louder and louder**

"Careful," James muttered. "Don't want the Farm animals to wake up."

**and suddenly, with a crunching noise,**

James winced. "Careful!"

**the bars were pulled clean out of the window as Fred drove straight up in the air. Harry ran back to the window to see the bars dangling a few feet above the ground. Panting, Ron hoisted them up into the car. Harry listened anxiously, but there was no sound from the Dursleys' bedroom.**

James sighed in relief. "Thank goodness!"

**When the bars were safely in the back seat with Ron, Fred reversed as close as possible to Harry's window.**

"**Get in," Ron said.**

"His stuff!" Remus said suddenly. "It's all locked up!"

"I am sure the twins can get it," Arcturus said dryly. "It wouldn't surprise me."

"**But all my Hogwarts stuff — my wand — my broomstick —"**

"**Where is it?"**

"**Locked in the cupboard under the stairs, and I can't get out of this room —"**

"**No problem," said George from the front passenger seat. "Out of the way, Harry."**

"Of course," Sirius said proudly.

"Man," Regulus shook his head. "You would think these where your kids with how proud you seem of their pranking ability."

"They're the future of pranking!" Sirius exclaimed. "Our legacy!"

**Fred and George climbed catlike through the window into Harry's room. You had to hand it to them, thought Harry, as George took an ordinary hairpin from his pocket and started to pick the lock.**

"I learned how to do that!" Regulus said proudly. "I used it to get stuff out of Sir... he trailed off nervously looking at Sirius hesitantly.

"My room," Sirius finished, raising an eye-brow. "And what were you getting from there?"

"Nothing!" Regulus protested. He quickly got back to the book before Sirius could say anything.

Sirius glared at him and huffed annoyed.

"**A lot of wizards think it's a waste of time, knowing this sort of Muggle trick," said Fred, "but we feel they're skills worth learning,**

"Totally," James laughed. "Though I can't say I'm all that good at it."

**even if they are a bit slow."**

**There was a small click and the door swung open.**

"That was quick," Regulus said. "I'm not that good yet and I've been doing it for seven years."

"What!" Sirius exclaimed, wide eyed. "You've been breaking in to-" Regulus cut him off by reading before he finished.

"**So —**

"Regulus!"

**we'll get your trunk —**

"Hey! Answer the question damn it!"

**you grab anything you need from your room and hand it out to Ron," whispered George.**

Sirius started to pout as his brother continued to ignore him.

"**Watch out for the bottom stair — it creaks," Harry whispered back as the twins disappeared onto the dark landing.**

**Harry dashed around his room, collecting his things and passing them out of the window to Ron. Then he went to help Fred and George heave his trunk up the stairs. Harry heard Uncle Vernon cough.**

James froze. "Don't wake up," he pleaded.

**At last, panting, they reached the landing, then carried the trunk through Harry's room to the open window. Fred climbed back into the car to pull with Ron, and Harry and George pushed from the bedroom side. Inch by inch, the trunk slid through the window.**

**Uncle Vernon coughed again.**

"Come on," James moaned. "Hurry up already."

"**A bit more," panted Fred, who was pulling from inside the car. "One good push"**

**Harry and George threw their shoulders against the trunk and it slid out of the window into the back seat of the car.**

"**Okay, let's go," George whispered.**

"Good," James sighed. "Now get out of there."

**But as Harry climbed onto the windowsill there came a sudden loud screech from behind him,**

"Shit!" Sirius exclaimed. "He forgot the owl!"

"Just great," James groaned. "Just watch, the Muggle's awake now."

**followed immediately by the thunder of Uncle Vernon's voice.**

"**THAT RUDDY OWL!"**

"Told you."

"**I've forgotten Hedwig!"**

**Harry tore back across the room as the landing light clicked on — he snatched up Hedwig's cage, dashed to the window, and passed it out to Ron. He was scrambling back onto the chest of drawers when Uncle Vernon hammered on the unlocked door — and it crashed open.**

**For a split second, Uncle Vernon stood framed in the doorway; then he let out a bellow like an angry bull and dived at Harry, grabbing him by the ankle.**

"Let go of him!" James exclaimed. "You don't even like him! Why on earth should you want him to stay!"

"Because he knows if Harry leaves then he will be happy," Orion said gravely. "And I do not think he would want that." James groaned again.

"You're probably right. Insufferable Muggle."

**Ron, Fred, and George seized Harry's arms and pulled as hard as they could.**

"**Petunia!" roared Uncle Vernon. "He's getting away! HE'S GETTING AWAY!"**

"Which you should like!" Regulus exclaimed. "Just let go of him!"

**But the Weasleys gave a gigantic tug and Harry's leg slid out of Uncle Vernon's grasp — Harry was in the car — he'd slammed the door shut —**

"Oh yeah!" Sirius and James cheered. "Take that you big, fat, ugly, stupid, Muggle!" Sirius added.

"**Put your foot down, Fred!" yelled Ron, and the car shot suddenly toward the moon.**

"Bye-bye," Regulus said, giving a wave. "And good riddance to you."

**Harry couldn't believe it — he was free.**

**He rolled down the window, the night air whipping his hair, and looked back at the shrinking rooftops of Privet Drive. Uncle Vernon, Aunt Petunia, and Dudley were all hanging, dumbstruck, out of Harry's window.**

"**See you next summer!" Harry yelled.**

James sighed, unhappily about that reminder. "That's right, damn it. Oh well, it won't be for another year."

**The Weasleys roared with laughter and Harry settled back in his seat, grinning from ear to ear.**

"**Let Hedwig out," he told Ron. "She can fly behind us. She hasn't had a chance to stretch her wings for ages."**

"Oh," said Sirius in surprise. "Can Ron pick locks too?"

**George handed the hairpin to Ron and, a moment later, Hedwig soared joyfully out of the window to glide alongside them like a ghost.**

"Looks like," Regulus said.

"**So — what's the story, Harry?" said Ron impatiently. "What's been happening?"**

**"Oh nothing much," Sirius said.**

**Harry told them all about Dobby, the warning he'd given Harry and the fiasco of the violet pudding. There was a long, shocked silence when he had finished.**

"**Very fishy," said Fred finally.**

"**Definitely dodgy" agreed George. "So he wouldn't even tell you who's supposed to be plotting all this stuff?"**

"**I don't think he could," said Harry. "I told you, every time he got close to letting something slip, he started banging his head against the wall."**

**He saw Fred and George look at each other.**

"**What, you think he was lying to me?" said Harry.**

"Possibly," Regulus said. "If it really is Malfoy's elf it wouldn't surprise me in the least bit."

"It's not," James mumbled quietly. "Now don't jinx it."

"**Well," said Fred, "put it this way — house-elves have got powerful magic of their own, but they can't usually use it without their master's permission. I reckon old Dobby was sent to stop you coming back to Hogwarts. Someones idea of a joke. Can you think of anyone at school with a grudge against you?"**

"**Yes," said Harry and Ron together, instantly.**

"**Draco Malfoy," Harry explained. "He hates me."**

"See, they agree with me," Sirius beamed.

"Yeah, but they also thought Severus was trying to steal the stone last year, and we all know how that worked out," Andromeda said amused.

**"Draco Malfoy?" said George, turning around. "Not Lucius Malfoy's son?"**

"Lucius," Sirius said with as much spite he could.

"**Must be, it's not a very common name, is it?" said Harry.**

"**I've heard Dad talking about him," said George. "He was a big supporter of You-Know-Who."**

"**And when You-Know-Who disappeared," said Fred, craning around to look at Harry, "Lucius Malfoy came back saying he'd never meant any of it. Load of dung — Dad reckons he was right in You- Know-Who's inner circle."**

"Of course he was, I bet he bought his way out of Azkaban," Sirius snorted.

"It just shows you how bad our government really is," Charlus sighed. "It wouldn't surprise me if they put a innocent man behind bars due to a bribe or even just trying to prove that they can do something."

**Harry had heard these rumors about Malfoy's family before, and they didn't surprise him at all. Malfoy made Dudley Dursley look like a kind, thoughtful, and sensitive boy…**"

"**I don't know whether the Malfoys own a house-elf…" said Harry.**

"Of course they do," Regulus said. "The one they have now is very old though. They've been talking about getting a new one."

"So," Sirius said smirking at James. "This could very easily be the new one they get."

"Oh, shut it," James said.

"**Well, whoever owns him will be an old wizarding family, and they'll be rich," said Fred.**

"Like the Malfoy's," Sirius chuckled as James threw a pillow at him.

"**Yeah, Mum's always wishing we had a house-elf to do the ironing," said George.**

"Well, with so many clothes to iron who wouldn't," Sirius snorted.

**"But all we've got is a lousy old ghoul in the attic and gnomes all over the garden. House-elves come with big old manors and castles and places like that; you wouldn't catch one in our house…"**

"Which is too bad," James said. "The Weasley's would treat one so much better then most."

**Harry was silent. Judging by the fact that Draco Malfoy usually had the best of everything, his family was rolling in wizard gold; he could just see Malfoy strutting around a large manor house.**

"If he is anything like his father he does," said Sirius.

**Sending the family servant to stop Harry from going back to Hogwarts also sounded exactly like the sort of thing Malfoy would do. Had Harry been stupid to take Dobby seriously?**

"I don't think so," Regulus commented. "Judging by his last year anything can happen to him. Harry should just be prepared for the worst." James groaned.

"Hey," Sirius laughed. "It wouldn't be fun if he didn't have an exciting year James. They wouldn't bother writing books about it."

"I don't care," he grumbled. "Is it bad if I just want my son to stay safe?"

"Nah," Sirius said. "But try to chill a bit James. You know we won't let anything like this happen."

"**I'm glad we came to get you, anyway," said Ron. "I was getting really worried when you didn't answer any of my letters. I thought it was Errol's fault at first —"**

"**Who's Errol?"**

"**Our owl. He's ancient. It wouldn't be the first time he'd collapsed on a delivery.**

**So then I tried to borrow Hermes —"**

"**Who?"**

"**The owl Mum and Dad bought Percy when he was made prefect," said Fred from the front.**

"**But Percy wouldn't lend him to me," said Ron. "Said he needed him."**

"What for," Sirius scoffed. "Does he have a secret girlfriend, or something like that?"

"Yeah right," James laughed. "I don't think anyone would go out with that prat."

"**Percy's been acting very oddly this summer," said George, frowning. "And he has been sending a lot of letters and spending a load of time shut up in his room… I mean, there's only so many times you can polish a prefect badge…**

**You're driving too far west, Fred," he added, pointing at a compass on the dashboard. Fred twiddled the steering wheel.**

**"So, does your dad know you've got the car?" said Harry, guessing the answer.**

"Yeah, I'm sure he just handed the keys right over to them," Andromeda laughed.

"**Er, no," said Ron, "he had to work tonight. Hopefully we'll be able to get it back in the garage without Mum noticing we flew it."**

"Fat chance," Sirius snorted. "Don't count on it with Molly as your mother."

"Yeah, Mums always know about things like that," James added with a smile. "My mum would murder us."

"To right, James," Dorea said giving him an amused look.

**"What does your dad do at the Ministry of Magic, anyway?"**

**"He works in the most boring department," said Ron. "The Misuse of Muggle Artifacts Office."**

"Oh I wouldn't say that," Regulus said. "At least he doesn't have to do paperwork twenty-four seven like some departments."

"Though he does have his fair share of paperwork," Charlus said.

"**The what?"**

"**It's all to do with bewitching things that are Muggle-made, you know, in case they end up back in a Muggle shop or house. Like, last year, some old witch died and her tea set was sold to an antiques shop. This Muggle woman bought it, took it home, and tried to serve her friends tea in it. It was a nightmare — Dad was working overtime for weeks."**

"Honestly, people can be so stupid sometimes," James said.

"**What happened?"**

"**The teapot went berserk and squirted boiling tea all over the place and one man ended up in the hospital with the sugar tongs clamped to his nose. Dad was going frantic — it's only him and an old warlock called Perkins in the office — and they had to do Memory Charms and all sorts of stuff to cover it up —"**

"**But your dad — this car —"**

**Fred laughed. "Yeah, Dad's crazy about everything to do with Muggles; our shed's full of Muggle stuff. He takes it apart, puts spells on it, and puts it back together again. If he raided our house he'd have to put himself under arrest. It drives Mum mad."**

"It always has," Dorea chuckled. "And something tells me it always will."

"**That's the main road," said George, peering down through the windshield. "We'll be there in ten minutes… Just as well, it's getting light…"**

**A faint pinkish glow was visible along the horizon to the east.**

"Cutting it close, aren't they?" Sirius chuckled.

**Fred brought the car lower, and Harry saw a dark patchwork of fields and clumps of trees.**

"**We're a little way outside the village," said George. "Ottery St. Catchpole."**

**Lower and lower went the flying car. The edge of a brilliant red sun was now gleaming through the trees.**

"**Touchdown!" said Fred as, with a slight bump, they hit the ground. They had landed next to a tumbledown garage in a small yard, and Harry looked out for the first time at Ron's house.**

**It looked as though it had once been a large stone pigpen, but extra rooms had been added here and there until it was several stories high and so crooked it looked as though it were held up by magic (which Harry reminded himself, it probably was). Four or five chimneys were perched on top of the red roof. A lopsided sign stuck in the ground near the entrance read, THE BURROW. Around the front door lay a jumble of rubber boots and a very rusty cauldron. Several fat brown chickens were pecking their way around the yard.**

"**It's not much," said Ron.**

"**It's wonderful," said Harry happily, thinking of Privet Drive.**

"In comparison to that any place would be wonderful," Sirius said.

**They got out of the car.**

"**Now, we'll go upstairs really quietly," said Fred, "and wait for Mum to call us for breakfast Then, Ron, you come bounding downstairs going, 'Mum, look who turned up in the night!' and she'll be all pleased to see Harry and no one need ever know we flew the car."**

"And they think that will work?" James laughed. "That sounds like something Sirius would come up with."

"Hey!"

"**Right," said Ron. "Come on, Harry, I sleep at the — at the top —"**

**Ron had gone a nasty greenish color, his eyes fixed on the house. The other three wheeled around.**

"Dun, dun, dun," Sirius chanted dramatically.

**Mrs. Weasley was marching across the yard, scattering chickens, and for a short, plump, kind-faced woman, it was remarkable how much she looked like a saber-toothed tiger.**

"She can be rather scary," Charlus shivered. "I saw her get mad at Bill once, don't remember why. But man was it terrifying."

"**Ah, "said Fred.**

"**Oh, dear," said George.**

"Yes. Oh, dear sounds about right," James laughed.

**Mrs. Weasley came to a halt in front of them, her hands on her hips, staring from one guilty face to the next. She was wearing a flowered apron with a wand sticking out of the pocket.**

"**So," she said.**

"**Morning, Mum," said George, in what he clearly thought was a jaunty, winning voice.**

"Like that's going to work," Sirius said with a smile.

"**Have you any idea how worried I've been?" said Mrs. Weasley in a deadly whisper.**

"**Sorry, Mum, but see, we had to —"**

**All three of Mrs. Weasley's sons were taller than she was, but they cowered as her rage broke over them.**

"**Beds empty! No note! Car gone — could have crashed — out of my mind with worry — did you care? —**

"The guilt approach," James noted. "Doesn't work very well after awhile."

**never, as long as I've lived — you wait until your father gets home, we never had trouble like this from Bill or Charlie or Percy —"**

"And then comparison approach," Sirius sneered. "My favorite."

"**Perfect Percy," muttered Fred.**

"**YOU COULD DO WITH TAKING A LEAF OUT OF PERCY'S BOOK!" yelled Mrs. Weasley, prodding a finger in Fred's chest. "You could have died, you could have been seen, you could have lost your father his job —"**

**It seemed to go on for hours. Mrs. Weasley had shouted herself hoarse before she turned on Harry, who backed away.**

"He doesn't have anything to worry about," Regulus said. "Mrs. Weasley won't take it out on him."

"**I'm very pleased to see you, Harry, dear," she said. "Come in and have some breakfast."**

"Breakfast," Sirius mumbled. "That sounds so good..."

"As soon as we're done with the chapter," his brother told him.

**She turned and walked back into the house and Harry, after a nervous glance at Ron, who nodded encouragingly, followed her.**

**The kitchen was small and rather cramped. There was a scrubbed wooden table and chairs in the middle, and Harry sat down on the edge of his seat, looking around. He had never been in a wizard house before.**

**The clock on the wall opposite him had only one hand and no numbers at all. Written around the edge were things like Time to make tea, Time to feed the chickens, and You're late. **

"That sounds cool," Sirius said.

**Books were stacked three deep on the mantelpiece, books with titles like Charm Your Own Cheese, Enchantment in Baking, and One Minute Feasts — It's Magic! And unless Harry's ears were deceiving him, the old radio next to the sink had just announced that coming up was "Witching Hour, with the popular singing sorceress, Celestina Warbeck."**

"Yuck!" Sirius and Regulus exclaimed. "Worst singer that has every existed!"

"She is a pretty new singer, right?" James asked. "I don't believe I have heard anything from her yet."

"And you are very lucky, Prongsie," Sirius said. "She's enough to make your ears bleed."

**Mrs. Weasley was clattering around, cooking breakfast a little haphazardly, throwing dirty looks at her sons as she threw sausages into the frying pan. Every now and then she muttered things like "don't know what you were thinking of," and "never would have believed it."**

"**I don't blame you, dear," she assured Harry, tipping eight or nine sausages onto his plate.**

"Good, he needs a good meal," Dorea said nodding.

"**Arthur and I have been worried about you, too. Just last night we were saying we'd come and get you ourselves if you hadn't written back to Ron by Friday. But really," (she was now adding three fried eggs to his plate) "flying an illegal car halfway across the country — anyone could have seen you —"**

"It was night!" Sirius exclaimed. "Muggles would have though it was a falling star or something like that!"

**She flicked her wand casually at the dishes in the sink, which began to clean themselves, clinking gently in the background.**

"**It was cloudy, Mum!" said Fred.**

"**You keep your mouth closed while you're eating!" Mrs. Weasley snapped.**

"**They were starving him, Mum!" said George.**

"That will soften her," Remus laughed. "Molly makes it her personal goal that no one every goes hungry."

"**And you!" said Mrs. Weasley, but it was with a slightly softened expression that she started cutting Harry bread and buttering it for him.**

**At that moment there was a diversion in the form of a small, redheaded figure in a long nightdress, who appeared in the kitchen, gave a small squeal, and ran out again.**

"Ah," Sirius cooed. "It's his little fan girl."

**"Ginny," said Ron in an undertone to Harry. "My sister. She's been talking about you all summer."**

"Well wasn't that nice of him," Regulus said. "Something tells me, he is very lucky his sister wasn't around to hear that."

"**Yeah, she'll be wanting your autograph, Harry," Fred said with a grin,**

"And that," Sirius chuckled.

**but he caught his mother's eye and bent his face over his plate without another word. Nothing more was said until all four plates were clean, which took a surprisingly short time.**

"**Blimey, I'm tired," yawned Fred, setting down his knife and fork at last. "I think I'll go to bed and —"**

"As if she'll let you get away with that."

**"You will not," snapped Mrs. Weasley. "It's your own fault you've been up all night. You're going to de-gnome the garden for me; they're getting completely out of hand again —"**

"**Oh, Mum —"**

"**And you two," she said, glaring at Ron and Fred. "You can go up to bed, dear," she added to Harry. "You didn't ask them to fly that wretched car —"**

"He won't," Sirius said. "It wouldn't be the matey thing to do after they had just saved them."

**But Harry, who felt wide awake, said quickly, "I'll help Ron. I've never seen a de-gnoming —"**

"It's really dull work," Sirius said scrunched up his nose. "I hate it."

"I kind of like it," James smiled.

"**That's very sweet of you, dear, but it's dull work," said Mrs. Weasley. "Now, let's see what Lockhart's got to say on the subject —"**

"Lockhart... isn't he that dolt four years behind us that always sprouts the most ridiculous stories about himself?" James asked.

"Like how he single handily fought off the giant spiders in the forest," Sirius laughed. "How that idiot got into Ravenclaw is beyond me."

"Well, the stories can get really creative sometimes," Regulus laughed. "That takes some brains, right?"

**And she pulled a heavy book from the stack on the mantelpiece. George groaned.**

"**Mum, we know how to de-gnome a garden —"**

"It's really not all that hard," James said.

**Harry looked at the cover of Mrs. Weasley's book. Written across it in fancy gold letters were the words Gilderoy Lockhart's Guide to Household Pests. There was a big photograph on the front of a very good-looking wizard with wavy blond hair and bright blue eyes. As always in the wizarding world, the photograph was moving; the wizard, who Harry supposed was Gilderoy Lockhart, kept winking cheekily up at them all. Mrs. Weasley beamed down at him.**

"**Oh, he is marvelous," she said. "He knows his household pests, all right, it's a wonderful book…"**

"**Mum fancies him," said Fred, in a very audible whisper.**

Everyone laughed. "Molly never struck me as one for a celebrity crush," Charlus chuckled.

"**Don't be so ridiculous, Fred," said Mrs. Weasley, her cheeks rather pink. "All right, if you think you know better than Lockhart,**

"I'm pretty sure anyone knows better then that idiot," Regulus said.

**you can go and get on with it, and woe betide you if there's a single gnome in that garden when I come out to inspect it."**

**Yawning and grumbling, the Weasleys slouched outside with Harry behind them. The garden was large, and in Harry's eyes, exactly what a garden should be. The Dursleys wouldn't have liked it — there were plenty of weeds, and the grass needed cutting — but there were gnarled trees all around the walls, plants Harry had never seen spilling from every flower bed, and a big green pond full of frogs.**

"**Muggles have garden gnomes, too, you know," Harry told Ron they crossed the lawn.**

"Those things aren't gnomes," James scowled. "Lily showed me a picture of one once."

"**Yeah, I've seen those things they think are gnomes," said Ron, bent double with his head in a peony bush, "like fat little Santa Clauses with fishing rods…"**

**There was a violent scuffling noise, the peony bush shuddered, and Ron straightened up. "This is a gnome," he said grimly.**

"**Gerroff me! Gerroff me!" squealed the gnome.**

**It was certainly nothing like Santa Claus. It was small and leathery looking, with a large, knobby, bald head exactly like a potato. Ron held it at arm's length as it kicked out at him with its horny little feet; he grasped it around the ankles and turned it upside down.**

"**This is what you have to do," he said. He raised the gnome above his head ("Gerroff me!") and started to swing it in great circles like a lasso. Seeing the shocked look on Harry's face, Ron added, "It doesn't hurt them —you've just got to make them really dizzy so they can't find their way back to the gnome holes."**

**He let go of the gnome's ankles: It flew twenty feet into the air and landed with a thud in the field over the hedge.**

"Only twenty feet? That's sad," Sirius shook his head. "I can get at least thirty five on a bad day."

"**Pitiful," said Fred. "I bet I can get mine beyond that stump."**

**Harry learned quickly not to feel too sorry for the gnomes. He decided just to drop the first one he caught over the hedge,**

"Don't do that," Regulus warned. "The can tell when you're being weak so they attack you."

"You would think they could show a little gratitude," James said.

**but the gnome, sensing weakness, sank its razor-sharp teeth into Harry's finger and he had a hard job shaking it off — until**

"**Wow, Harry — that must've been fifty feet…"**

Sirius clapped. "Pretty good kid."

**The air was soon thick with flying gnomes.**

"**See, they're not too bright," said George, seizing five or six gnomes at once. "The moment they know the de-gnoming's going on they storm up to have a look. You'd think they'd have learned by now just to stay put."**

**Soon, the crowd of gnomes in the field started walking away in a straggling line, their little shoulders hunched.**

"**They'll be back," said Ron as they watched the gnomes disappear into the hedge on the other side of the field. "They love it here… Dad's too soft with them; he thinks they're funny…"**

"They are!" James exclaimed.

**Just then, the front door slammed.**

"**He's back!" said George. "Dad's home!"**

**They hurried through the garden and back into the house.**

**Mr. Weasley was slumped in a kitchen chair with his glasses off and his eyes closed. He was a thin man, going bald, but the little hair he had was as red as any of his children's. He was wearing long green robes, which were dusty and travel-worn.**

"**What a night," he mumbled, groping for the teapot as they all sat down around him. "Nine raids. Nine! And old Mundungus Fletcher tried to put a hex on me when I had my back turned…"**

"Ah old Dung," Sirius laughed.

**Mr. Weasley took a long gulp of tea and sighed.**

"**Find anything, Dad?" said Fred eagerly.**

"**All I got were a few shrinking door keys and a biting kettle," yawned Mr. Weasley. "There was some pretty nasty stuff that wasn't my department, though. Mortlake was taken away for questioning about some extremely odd ferrets, but that's the Committee on Experimental Charms, thank goodness…"**

"**Why would anyone bother making door keys shrink?" said George.**

"Cause it's funny," Sirius said as thought it were obvious.

"**Just Muggle-baiting," sighed Mr. Weasley. "Sell them a key that keeps shrinking to nothing so they can never find it when they need it… Of course, it's very hard to convict anyone because no Muggle would admit their key keeps shrinking — they'll insist they just keep losing it. Bless them, they'll go to any lengths to ignore magic, even if it's staring them in the face… But the things our lot have taken to enchanting, you wouldn't believe —"**

"**LIKE CARS, FOR INSTANCE?"**

"Oh, he's in for it now," Charlus laughed.

**Mrs. Weasley had appeared, holding a long poker like a sword. Mr. Weasley's eyes jerked open. He stared guiltily at his wife.**

"**C-cars, Molly, dear?"**

"**Yes, Arthur, cars," said Mrs. Weasley, her eyes flashing. "Imagine a wizard buying a rusty old car and telling his wife all he wanted to do with it was take it apart to see how it worked, while really he was enchanting it to make it fly."**

"Wow! Imagine that!" Sirius laughed.

**Mr. Weasley blinked.**

"**Well, dear, I think you'll find that he would be quite within the law to do that, even if — er — he maybe would have done better to, um, tell his wife the truth… There's a loophole in the law, you'll find… As long as he wasn't intending to fly the car, the fact that the car could fly wouldn't —"**

"I bet he wrote that law," Arcturus said.

"**Arthur Weasley, you made sure there was a loophole when you wrote that law!" shouted Mrs. Weasley. "Just so you could carry on tinkering with all that Muggle rubbish in your shed! And for your information, Harry arrived this morning in the car you weren't intending to fly!"**

"**Harry?" said Mr. Weasley blankly. "Harry who?"**

"Harry who, what other Harry's does he know of," Sirius questioned.

**He looked around, saw Harry, and jumped.**

"Hey! Even if he does look like James I'm sure he can't be that scary!" Sirius joked. He then quickly ducked to avoid being hit by a pillow James had thrown.

"**Good lord, is it Harry Potter? Very pleased to meet you, Ron's told us so much about —"**

"**Your sons flew that car to Harry's house and back last night!" shouted Mrs. Weasley. "What have you got to say about that, eh?"**

"This should be good," Regulus chuckled.

"Yeah, knowing Arthur he's more likely to be excited then anything else," James said with a smile.

**"Did you really?" said Mr. Weasley eagerly. "Did it go all right? I — I mean," he faltered as sparks flew from Mrs. Weasley's eyes, "that — that was very wrong, boys — very wrong indeed…"**

Everyone broke out laughing.

"**Let's leave them to it," Ron muttered to Harry as Mrs. Weasley swelled like a bullfrog. "Come on, I'll show you my bedroom."**

"That's right," James nodded. "When a parental fight breaks out get away as fast as you possible can."

**They slipped out of the kitchen and down a narrow passageway to an uneven staircase, which wound its way, zigzagging up through the house. On the third landing, a door stood ajar. Harry just caught sight of a pair of bright brown eyes staring at him before it closed with a snap.**

"Aww," Andromeda cooed. "How cute."

"**Ginny," said Ron. "You don't know how weird it is for her to be this shy. She never shuts up normally —"**

**They climbed two more flights until they reached a door with peeling paint and a small plaque on it, saying RONALD'S ROOM.**

**Harry stepped in, his head almost touching the sloping ceiling, and blinked. It was like walking into a furnace: Nearly everything in Ron's room seemed to be a violent shade of orange:**

"Hey!" Sirius said brightly. "He's a Cannons fan!"

"That's not a good thing Siri, they're awful" said Regulus.

**the bedspread, the walls, even the ceiling. Then Harry realized that Ron had covered nearly every inch of the shabby wallpaper with posters of the same seven witches and wizards, all wearing bright orange robes, carrying broomsticks, and waving energetically.**

"**Your Quidditch team?" said Harry.**

"**The Chudley Cannons," said Ron, pointing at the orange bedspread, which was emblazoned with two giant black C's and a speeding cannonball. "Ninth in the league."**

"Dang it," Sirius groaned. "They've gone down again."

**Ron's school spellbooks were stacked untidily in a corner, next to a pile of comics that all seemed to feature The Adventures of Martin Miggs, the Mad Muggle. Ron's magic wand was lying on top of a fish tank full of frog spawn on the windowsill, next to his fat gray rat, Scabbers, who was snoozing in a patch of sun.**

**Harry stepped over a pack of Self-Shuffling playing cards on the floor and looked out of the tiny window. In the field far below he could see a gang of gnomes sneaking one by one back through the Weasleys' hedge. Then he turned to look at Ron, who was watching him almost nervously, as though waiting for his opinion.**

"**It's a bit small," said Ron quickly. "Not like that room you had with the Muggles. And I'm right underneath the ghoul in the attic; he's always banging on the pipes and groaning…"**

**But Harry, grinning widely, said, "This is the best house I've ever been in."**

**Ron's ears went pink.**

"That was nice of him." Regulus said.

"BREAKFAST!" Sirius yelled as he saw the book closing. He quickly ran out of the room.

Everyone just kind of stared after him in shock for a few seconds before bursting out laughing.

"Yeah," Regulus said between laughs. "Breakfast does sound pretty good. Shall we go then." The rest nodded and they headed to dining room to eat.


	4. Chapter 4

Breakfast went quickly, as everyone was very eager to get back to reading. Less then a half-an-hour after they left all of them were once again sitting in their seats.

"I suppose that it is my turn," stated Pollux

"**At Flourish and Blotts," **he read.

"And we're back to Diagon Alley!" Sirius cheered.

**Life at the Burrow was as different as possible from life on Privet Drive.**

"No duh," Sirius rolled his eyes. "The Weasley's actually like him,"

"And there is also the fact, there's four more children, it's a wizarding home, and it's bound to be very messy," Regulus added.

**The Dursleys liked everything neat and ordered; the Weasleys' house burst with the strange and unexpected. Harry got a shock the first time he looked in the mirror over the kitchen mantelpiece and it shouted, "Tuck your shirt in, scruffy!"**

"Hey!" James protested. "That's a rude mirror."

**The ghoul in the attic howled and dropped pipes whenever he felt things were getting too quiet, and small explosions from Fred and George's bedroom were considered perfectly normal.**

"Heh," James laughed. "Same could be said for my room."

**What Harry found most unusual about life at Ron's, however, wasn't the talking mirror or the clanking ghoul: It was the fact that everybody there seemed to like him.**

James just smiled sadly.

**Mrs. Weasley fussed over the state of his socks and tried to force him to eat fourth helpings at every meal. Mr. Weasley liked Harry to sit next to him at the dinner table so that he could bombard him with questions about life with Muggles, asking him to explain how things like plugs and the postal service worked.**

"You would think he would know already," Regulus rolled his eyes. "How long has it worked in the position he has? Almost thirteen years, at least."

"**Fascinating," he would say as Harry talked him through using a telephone. "Ingenious, really, how many ways Muggles have found of getting along without magic."**

Sirius shuddered and said. "I can't imagine not living with magic."

"Well, they've never had it," Regulus said. "So it's not hard at all for them."

**Harry heard from Hogwarts one sunny morning about a week after he had arrived at the Burrow. He and Ron went down to breakfast to find Mr. and Mrs. Weasley and Ginny already sitting at the kitchen table. The moment she saw Harry, Ginny accidentally knocked her porridge bowl to the floor with a loud clatter. Ginny seemed very prone to knocking things over whenever Harry entered a room. She dived under the table to retrieve the bowl and emerged with her face glowing like the setting sun.**

"Aww," Sirius cooed. "Isn't that a rather poetic way of putting it."

**Pretending he hadn't noticed this, Harry sat down and took the toast Mrs. Weasley offered him.**

"That was nice of him," Sirius said. "If it had been James... well let's just say the poor girl would be embarrassed beyond belief."

"No!" James protested.

"Yes," Sirius rolled his eyes. "You know you would jump at the chance to flaunt a crush someone has on you." James hmphed.

**"Letters from school," said Mr. Weasley, passing Harry and Ron identical envelopes of yellowish parchment, addressed in green ink. "Dumbledore already knows you're here, Harry — doesn't miss a trick, that man.**

"It's not Dumbledore that does that stuff," Sirius said. "McGonagall does it."

"I thought a Quill filled the stuff out," Regulus said, confused.

"Yeah, but McGonagall is the one who supervises it and makes sure it doesn't miss any of the students."

"Oh."

**You two've got them, too," he added, as Fred and George ambled in, still in their pajamas.**

**For a few minutes there was silence as they all read their letters. Harry's told him to catch the Hogwarts Express as usual from King's Cross station on September first. There was also a list of the new books he'd need for the coming year.**

**SECOND-YEAR STUDENTS WILL REQUIRE:**

**The Standard Book of Spells, Grade 2by Miranda Goshawk**

**Break with a Banshee by Gilderoy Lockhart**

**Gadding with Ghouls by Gilderoy Lockhart**

**Holidays with Hags by Gilderoy Lockhart**

"Umm..." Sirius groaned. "Anyone else seeing a theme here?"

**43 Travels with Trolls by Gilderoy Lockhart**

**Voyages with Vampires by Gilderoy Lockhart**

**Wanderings with Werewolves by Gilderoy Lockhart**

**Year with the Yeti by Gilderoy Lockhart**

"Damn," James moaned. "I bet they're going to some bloody Lockhart obsessed witch. Just their luck."

**Fred, who had finished his own list, peered over at Harry's.**

"**You've been told to get all Lockhart's books, too!" he said. "The new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher must be a fan — bet it's a witch."**

James nodded.

**At this point, Fred caught his mother's eye and quickly busied himself with the marmalade.**

"**That lot won't come cheap," said George, with a quick look at his parents. "Lockhart's books are really expensive…"**

"That is bad for the Weasleys," Charlus said. "Hopefully they will be able to find somewhere that sells them used."

"**Well, we'll manage," said Mrs. Weasley, but she looked worried. "I expect we'll be able to pick up a lot of Ginny's things secondhand."**

"Oh she's starting this year!" Andromeda smiled. "That should be fun."

**"Oh, are you starting at Hogwarts this year?" Harry asked Ginny.**

**She nodded, blushing to the roots of her flaming hair, and put her elbow in the butter dish.**

Everyone chuckled a bit.

**Fortunately no one saw this except Harry, because just then Ron's elder brother Percy walked in. He was already dressed, his Hogwarts prefect badge pinned to his sweater vest.**

"Really?" Sirius asked in disgust. "What on earth is wrong with that idiot?"

"**Morning, all," said Percy briskly. "Lovely day."**

**He sat down in the only remaining chair but leapt up again almost immediately, pulling from underneath him a molting, gray feather duster — at least, that was what Harry thought it was, until he saw that it was breathing.**

"**Errol!" said Ron, taking the limp owl from Percy and extracting a letter from under its wing. "Finally— he's got Hermione's answer. I wrote to her saying we were going to try and rescue you from the Dursleys."**

"I'm sure she was _thrilled _with the plan," Regulus laughed.

**He carried Errol to a perch just inside the back door and tried to stand him on it, but Errol flopped straight off again so Ron lay him on the draining board instead, muttering, "Pathetic." Then he ripped open Hermione's letter and read it out loud:**

"**`Dear Ron, and Harry if you're there,**

"**`I hope everything went all right and that Harry is okay and that you didn't do anything illegal to get him out, Ron, because that would get Harry into trouble, too. I've been really worried and if Harry is all right, will you please let me know at once, but perhaps it would be better if you used a different owl because I think another delivery might finish your one off.**

"**I'm very busy with schoolwork, of course'—**

"No way!" James exclaimed. "It's summer vacation! Everyone knows you leave all the work for the night before."

**How can she be?" said Ron in horror. "We're on vacation!**

"So?" Dorea said glaring at James. "It's not a good idea to leave it for the last day." James just gave a little shrug.

—**'and we're going to London next Wednesday to buy my new books. Why don't we meet in Diagon Alley? Let me know what's happening as soon as you can.**

**Love from Hermione.'"**

**"Well, that fits in nicely, we can go and get all your things then, too," said Mrs. Weasley, starting to clear the table. "What're you all up to today?"**

**Harry, Ron, Fred, and George were planning to go up the hill to a small paddock the Weasleys owned. It was surrounded by trees that blocked it from view of the village below, meaning that they could practice Quidditch there, as long as they didn't fly too high.**

"Cool," Sirius and James smiled.

**They couldn't use real Quidditch balls, which would have been hard to explain if they had escaped and flown away over the village; instead they threw apples for one another to catch. They took turns riding Harry's Nimbus Two Thousand, which was easily the best broom; Ron's old Shooting Star was often outstripped by passing butterflies.**

"Hey!" James exclaimed. "That was my first broom! It isn't that bad!"

**Five minutes later they were marching up the hill, broomsticks over their shoulders. They had asked Percy if he wanted to join them, but he had said he was busy.**

**Harry had only seen Percy at mealtimes so far; he stayed shut in his room the rest of the time.**

"What on earth is he doing in there?" Arcturus asked.

**"Wish I knew what he was up to," said Fred, frowning. "He's not himself. His exam results came the day before you did; twelve O.W.L.s and he hardly gloated at all."**

"Wow," Sirius mumbled. "From what we know about him that seems very out of character."

"**Ordinary Wizarding Levels," George explained, seeing Harry's puzzled look. "Bill got twelve, too. If we're not careful, we'll have another Head Boy in the family. I don't think I could stand the shame."**

"There's nothing wrong with being Head Boy!" James exclaimed.

"There is when James Potter is Head Boy," Bellatrix muttered to her sister who chuckled.

**Bill was the oldest Weasley brother. He and the next brother, Charlie, had already left Hogwarts. Harry had never met either of them, but knew that Charlie was in Romania studying dragons and Bill was in Egypt working for the wizard's bank, Gringotts.**

"**Dunno how Mum and Dad are going to afford all our school stuff this year," said George after a while. "Five sets of Lockhart books! And Ginny needs robes and a wand and everything…"**

"Does the teacher intend to teach all of the years with the same books?" James asked.

"Looks like," Arcturus sighed. "Well they aren't going to get a good teacher this year."

**Harry said nothing. He felt a bit awkward. Stored in an underground vault at Gringotts in London was a small fortune that his parents had left him. Of course, it was only in the wizarding world that he had money; you couldn't use Galleons, Sickles, and Knuts in Muggle shops. He had never mentioned his Gringotts bank account to the Dursleys; he didn't think their horror of anything connected with magic would stretch to a large pile of gold.**

"It would be funny to see their faces though," Regulus chuckled.

**Mrs. Weasley woke them all early the following Wednesday. After a quick half a dozen bacon sandwiches each, they pulled on their coats and Mrs. Weasley took a flowerpot off the kitchen mantelpiece and peered inside.**

"**We're running low, Arthur," she sighed. "We'll have to buy some more today… Ah well, guests first! After you, Harry dear!"**

**And she offered him the flowerpot.**

**Harry stared at them all watching him.**

"He won't know what to do," Regulus rolled his eyes. "Muggles don't use the Floo."

"**W-what am I supposed to do?" he stammered.**

"**He's never traveled by Floo powder," said Ron suddenly. "Sorry, Harry, I forgot."**

"**Never?" said Mr. Weasley. "But how did you get to Diagon Alley to buy your school things last year?"**

"**I went on the Underground —"**

**"Really?" said Mr. Weasley eagerly. "Were there escapators? How exactly —"**

"Escapators?" Orion asked skeptically looking at his son.

"Don't know," Sirius shrugged at his father. "More then likely he's saying a word wrong."

"**Not now, Arthur," said Mrs. Weasley. "Floo powder's a lot quicker, dear, but goodness me, if you've never used it before —"**

"**He'll be all right, Mum," said Fred. "Harry, watch us first."**

**He took a pinch of glittering powder out of the flowerpot, stepped up to the fire, and threw the powder into the flames.**

**With a roar, the fire turned emerald green and rose higher than Fred, who stepped right into it, shouted, "Diagon Alley!" and vanished.**

"**You must speak clearly, dear," Mrs. Weasley told Harry as George dipped his hand into the flowerpot. "And be sure to get out at the right grate…"**

"**The right what?" said Harry nervously as the fire roared and whipped George out of sight, too.**

"**Well, there are an awful lot of wizard fires to choose from, you know, but as long as you've spoken clearly —"**

"**He'll be fine, Molly, don't fuss," said Mr. Weasley, helping himself to Floo powder too.**

"**But, dear, if he got lost, how would we ever explain it to his aunt and uncle?"**

"Like they would care," James said sadly. "The Weasley's would obviously care more then them."

"**They wouldn't mind," Harry reassured her. "Dudley would think it was a brilliant joke if I got lost up a chimney, don't worry about that —"**

"**Well… all right… you go after Arthur," said Mrs. Weasley. "Now, when you get into the fire, say where you're going."**

"**And keep your elbows tucked in," Ron advised.**

"**And your eyes shut," said Mrs. Weasley. "The soot —"**

"**Don't fidget," said Ron. "Or you might well fall out of the wrong fireplace —"**

"**But don't panic and get out too early; wait until you see Fred and George."**

"Something tells me that isn't helping him to much," Charlus laughed. "It's a bit much to take in at once."

**Trying hard to bear all this in mind, Harry took a pinch of Floo powder and walked to the edge of the fire. He took a deep breath, scattered the powder into the flames, and stepped forward; the fire felt like a warm breeze; he opened his mouth and immediately swallowed a lot of hot ash.**

"**D-Dia-gon Alley," he coughed.**

James swore. "He stuttered! God damn it."

**It felt as though he was being sucked down a giant drain. He seemed to be spinning very fast — the roaring in his ears was deafening — he tried to keep his eyes open but the whirl of green flames made him feel sick —something hard knocked his elbow and he tucked it in tightly, still spinning and spinning — now it felt as though cold hands were slapping his face — squinting through his glasses he saw a blurred stream of fireplaces and snatched glimpses of the rooms beyond — his bacon sandwiches were churning inside him — he closed his eyes again wishing it would stop, and then…**

**He fell, face forward, onto cold stone and felt the bridge of his glasses snap.**

**Dizzy and bruised, covered in soot, he got gingerly to his feet, holding his broken glasses up to his eyes. He was quite alone, but where he was, he had no idea. All he could tell was that he was standing in the stone fireplace of what looked like a large, dimly lit wizard's shop — but nothing in here was ever likely to be on a Hogwarts school list.**

"Where is he?" James asked worriedly.

**A glass case nearby held a withered hand on a cushion, a bloodstained pack of cards, and a staring glass eye. Evil-looking masks stared down from the walls, an assortment of human bones lay upon the counter, and rusty, spiked instruments hung from the ceiling. Even worse, the dark, narrow street Harry could see through the dusty shop window was definitely not Diagon Alley.**

"Ah," Sirius said. "He's in Knockturn Alley."

"Great! That's just bloody fantastic," James groaned.

**The sooner he got out of here, the better. Nose still stinging where it had hit the hearth, Harry made his way swiftly and silently toward the door, but before he'd got halfway toward it, two people appeared on the other side of the glass — and one of them was the very last person Harry wanted to meet when he was lost, covered in soot, and wearing broken glasses: Draco Malfoy.**

**Harry looked quickly around and spotted a large black cabinet to his left; he shot inside it and pulled the doors closed, leaving a small crack to peer through.**

**Seconds later, a bell clanged, and Malfoy stepped into the shop.**

**The man who followed could only be Draco's father.**

**He had the same pale, pointed face and identical cold, gray eyes. Mr. Malfoy crossed the shop, looking lazily at the items on display, and rang a bell on the counter before turning to his son and saying, "Touch nothing, Draco."**

**Malfoy, who had reached for the glass eye, said, "I thought you were going to buy me a present."**

"Well isn't that just a lovely place to find a twelve year old a present," James snorted.

"**I said I would buy you a racing broom," said his father, drumming his fingers on the counter.**

"**What's the good of that if I'm not on the House team?" said Malfoy, looking sulky and bad-tempered. "Harry Potter got a Nimbus Two Thousand last year. Special permission from Dumbledore so he could play for Gryffindor. He's not even that good, it's just because he's ****_famous_****… famous for having a stupid ****_scar_**** on his forehead…"**

"That's not true you git, Harry is a very good seeker," James yelled.

**Malfoy bent down to examine a shelf full of skulls.**

"… **everyone thinks he's so ****_smart_****, wonderful ****_Potter_**** with his ****_scar _****and his ****_broomstick_**** —"**

"**You have told me this at least a dozen times already," said Mr. Malfoy, with a quelling look at his son. "And I would remind you that it is not — prudent — to appear less than fond of Harry Potter, not when most of our kind regard him as the hero who made the Dark Lord disappear — ah, Mr. Borgin."**

"Borgin and Burkes," Sirius nodded. "Mother's favorite."

**A stooping man had appeared behind the counter, smoothing his greasy hair back from his face.**

"**Mr. Malfoy, what a pleasure to see you again," said Mr. Borgin in a voice as oily as his hair. "Delighted — and young Master Malfoy, too — charmed. How may I be of assistance? I must show you, just in today, and very reasonably priced —"**

"**I'm not buying today, Mr. Borgin, but selling," said Mr. Malfoy.**

"**Selling?" The smile faded slightly from Mr. Borgin's face.**

"**You have heard, of course, that the Ministry is conducting more raids," said Mr. Malfoy, taking a roll of parchment from his inside pocket and unraveling it for Mr. Borgin to read. "I have a few — ah — items at home that might embarrass me, if the Ministry were to call…"**

Orion snorted. Any one who knew Malfoy at all would know that there would be a bit more then a _few items_.

**Mr. Borgin fixed a pair of pince-nez to his nose and looked down the list.**

"**The Ministry wouldn't presume to trouble you, sir, surely?"**

"Not to much," Regulus said. "That Malfoys pay the Ministry very well."

**Mr. Malfoy's lip curled.**

"**I have not been visited yet. The name Malfoy still commands a certain respect, yet the Ministry grows ever more meddlesome. There are rumors about a new Muggle Protection Act — no doubt that flea-bitten, Muggle-loving fool Arthur Weasley is behind it —"**

**Harry felt a hot surge of anger.**

James nodded approvingly.

"— **and as you see, certain of these poisons might make it ****_appear_**** —"**

"**I understand, sir, of course," said Mr. Borgin. "Let me see…"**

"**Can I have ****_that_****?" interrupted Draco, pointing at the withered hand on its cushion.**

"**Ah, the Hand of Glory!" said Mr. Borgin, abandoning Mr. Malfoy's list and scurrying over to Draco. "Insert a candle and it gives light only to the holder! Best friend of thieves and plunderers! Your son has fine taste, sir."**

"Damn," Sirius mumbled. "That does sound pretty cool."

Walburga looked at her son with a raised eye brow.

"What? It does," he said defensively

"**I hope my son will amount to more than a thief or a plunderer, Borgin," said Mr. Malfoy coldly, and Mr. Borgin said quickly, "No offense, sir, no offense meant —"**

"**Though if his grades don't pick up," said Mr. Malfoy, more coldly still, "that may indeed be all he is fit for —"**

"**It's not my fault," retorted Draco. "The teachers all have favorites, that Hermione Granger —"**

"**I would have thought you'd be ashamed that a girl of no wizard family beat you in every exam," snapped Mr. Malfoy.**

"Ha!" James cheered. "Serves him right!"

**"Ha!" said Harry under his breath, pleased to see Draco looking both abashed and angry.**

James smirked.

"**It's the same all over," said Mr. Borgin, in his oily voice. "Wizard blood is counting for less everywhere —"**

"**Not with me," said Mr. Malfoy, his long nostrils flaring.**

"**No, sir, nor with me, sir," said Mr. Borgin, with a deep bow.**

"**In that case, perhaps we can return to my list," said Mr. Malfoy shortly. "I am in something of a hurry, Borgin, I have important business elsewhere today —"**

**They started to haggle. Harry watched nervously as Draco drew nearer and nearer to his hiding place, examining the objects for sale. Draco paused to examine a long coil of hangman's rope and to read, smirking, the card propped on a magnificent necklace of opals, ****_Caution: Do Not Touch. Cursed — Has Claimed the Lives of Nineteen Muggle Owners to Date._**

"Wells isn't that nice," Charlus snorted.

**Draco turned away and saw the cabinet right in front of him.**

"Shit!"

**He walked forward — he stretched out his hand for the handle "Done," said Mr. Malfoy at the counter. "Come, Draco —"**

**Harry wiped his forehead on his sleeve as Draco turned away.**

James breathed deeply. "That was close," he said.

"**Good day to you, Mr. Borgin. I'll expect you at the manor tomorrow to pick up the goods."**

**The moment the door had closed, Mr. Borgin dropped his oily manner.**

"**Good day yourself, Mister Malfoy, and if the stories are true, you haven't sold me half of what's hidden in your manor…"**

"Very true," Arcturus nodded.

**Muttering darkly, Mr. Borgin disappeared into a back room. Harry waited for a minute in case he came back, then, quietly as he could, slipped out of the cabinet, past the glass cases, and out of the shop door.**

**Clutching his broken glasses to his face, Harry stared around. He had emerged into a dingy alleyway that seemed to be made up entirely of shops devoted to the Dark Arts. The one he'd just left, Borgin and Burkes, looked like the largest, but opposite was a nasty window display of shrunken heads and, two doors down, a large cage was alive with gigantic black spiders.**

**Two shabby-looking wizards were watching him from the shadow of a doorway, muttering to each other. Feeling jumpy, Harry set off, trying to hold his glasses on straight and hoping against hope he'd be able to find a way out of here.**

**An old wooden street sign hanging over a shop selling poisonous candles told him he was in Knockturn Alley. This didn't help, as Harry had never heard of such a place. He supposed he hadn't spoken clearly enough through his mouthful of ashes back in the Weasleys' fire. Trying to stay calm, he wondered what to do.**

"**Not lost are you, my dear?" said a voice in his ear, making him jump.**

"Leave him alone," James hissed.

**An aged witch stood in front of him, holding a tray of what looked horribly like whole human fingernails. She leered at him, showing mossy teeth. Harry backed away.**

"**I'm fine, thanks," he said. "I'm just —"**

"**HARRY! What d'yeh think yer doin' down there?"**

**Harry's heart leapt. So did the witch; a load of fingernails cascaded down over her feet and she cursed as the massive form of Hagrid,**

"Yes! It's Hagrid, he'll bring Harry back to Diagon Alley!" James cheered.

**the Hogwarts' gamekeeper, came striding toward them, beetle-black eyes flashing over his great bristling beard.**

"**Hagrid!" Harry croaked in relief. "I was lost — Floo powder —"**

**Hagrid seized Harry by the scruff of the neck and pulled him away from the witch, knocking the tray right out of her hands. Her shrieks followed them all the way along the twisting alleyway out into bright sunlight. Harry saw a familiar, snow-white marble building in the distance — Gringotts Bank. Hagrid had steered him right into Diagon Alley.**

"**Yer a mess!" said Hagrid gruffly; brushing soot off Harry so forcefully he nearly knocked him into a barrel of dragon dung outside an apothecary.**

"Such a gentle person," Sirius chuckled.

"**Skulkin' around Knockturn Alley, I dunno dodgy place, Harry — don' want no one ter see yeh down there —"**

"**I realized that," said Harry, ducking as Hagrid made to brush him off again. "I told you, I was lost — what were you doing down there, anyway?"**

"**I was lookin' fer a Flesh-Eatin' Slug Repellent," growled Hagrid. "They're ruinin' the school cabbages. Yer not on yer own?"**

"**I'm staying with the Weasleys but we got separated," Harry explained. "I've got to go and find them…"**

**They set off together down the street.**

"**How come yeh never wrote back ter me?" said Hagrid as Harry jogged alongside him (he had to take three steps to every stride of Hagrid's enormous boots). Harry explained all about Dobby and the Dursleys.**

James growled at the reminder.

"I bet he didn't explain everything…" Sirius said sourly

"**Lousy Muggles," growled Hagrid. "If I'd've known —"**

"**Harry! Harry! Over here!"**

**Harry looked up and saw Hermione Granger standing at the top of the white flight of steps to Gringotts. She ran down to meet them, her bushy brown hair flying behind her.**

"**What happened to your glasses? Hello, Hagrid — Oh, it's wonderful to see you two again — Are you coming into Gringotts, Harry?"**

"**As soon as I've found the Weasleys," said Harry.**

"**Yeh won't have long ter wait," Hagrid said with a grin.**

**Harry and Hermione looked around: Sprinting up the crowded street were Ron, Fred, George, Percy, and Mr. Weasley.**

"**Harry," Mr. Weasley panted. "We hoped you'd only gone one grate too far…" He mopped his glistening bald patch. "Molly's frantic — she's coming now —"**

"**Where did you come out?" Ron asked.**

"**Knockturn Alley," said Hagrid grimly.**

"**Excellent!" said Fred and George together.**

"**We've never been allowed in," said Ron enviously.**

"For good reason," Dorea said. "It's not a place for children."

"**I should ruddy well think not," growled Hagrid. Mrs. Weasley now came galloping into view, her handbag swinging wildly in one hand, Ginny just clinging onto the other.**

"**Oh, Harry — oh, my dear — you could have been anywhere —"**

**Gasping for breath she pulled a large clothes brush out of her bag and began sweeping off the soot Hagrid hadn't managed to beat away. Mr. Weasley took Harry's glasses, gave them a tap of his wand, and returned them, good as new.**

"**Well, gotta be off," said Hagrid, who was having his hand wrung by Mrs. Weasley ("Knockturn Alley! If you hadn't found him, Hagrid!"). "See yer at Hogwarts!" And he strode away, head and shoulders taller than anyone else in the packed street.**

"**Guess who I saw in Borgin and Burkes?" Harry asked Ron and Hermione as they climbed the Gringotts steps. "Malfoy and his father."**

"**Did Lucius Malfoy buy anything?" said Mr. Weasley sharply behind them.**

"**No, he was selling —"**

"**So he's worried," said Mr. Weasley with grim satisfaction. "Oh, I'd love to get Lucius Malfoy for something…"**

"Wouldn't it be wonderful if he could," Charlus said dreamingly.

"**You be careful, Arthur," said Mrs. Weasley sharply as they were bowed into the bank by a goblin at the door. "That family's trouble. Don't go biting off more than you can chew —"**

"**So you don't think I'm a match for Lucius Malfoy?" said Mr. Weasley indignantly, but he was distracted almost at once by the sight of Hermione's parents, who were standing nervously at the counter that ran all along the great marble hall, waiting for Hermione to introduce them.**

"**But you're Muggles!" said Mr. Weasley delightedly. "We must have a drink! What's that you've got there? Oh, you're changing Muggle money. Molly, look!" He pointed excitedly at the ten-pound notes in Mr. Granger's hand.**

Everyone laughed at that. "Oh Arthur," Charlus said, almost fondly.

"**Meet you back here," Ron said to Hermione as the Weasleys and Harry were led off to their underground vaults by another Gringotts goblin.**

**The vaults were reached by means of small, goblin-driven carts that sped along miniature train tracks through the bank's underground tunnels. Harry enjoyed the breakneck journey down to the Weasleys' vault, but felt dreadful, far worse than he had in Knockturn Alley, when it was opened. There was a very small pile of silver Sickles inside, and just one gold Galleon. Mrs. Weasley felt right into the corners before sweeping the whole lot into her bag. Harry felt even worse when they reached his vault. He tried to block the contents from view as he hastily shoved handfuls of coins into a leather bag.**

James smiled sadly. It was to bad his son had to feel guilt about the money. Especially after what he went through the first eleven years of his life.

**Back outside on the marble steps, they all separated. Percy muttered vaguely about needing a new quill. Fred and George had spotted their friend from Hogwarts, Lee Jordan. Mrs. Weasley and Ginny were going to a secondhand robe shop. Mr. Weasley was insisting on taking the Grangers off to the Leaky Cauldron for a drink.**

"**We'll all meet at Flourish and Blotts in an hour to buy your schoolbooks," said Mrs. Weasley, setting off with Ginny. "And not one step down Knockturn Alley!" she shouted at the twins' retreating backs.**

"Way to make sure that's the first stop," Sirius laughed. "Tell a prankster not to do something it's going to end up at the top of the to do list."

**Harry, Ron, and Hermione strolled off along the winding, cobbled street. The bag of gold, silver, and bronze jangling cheerfully in Harry's pocket was clamoring to be spent, so he bought three large strawberry-and-peanut-butter ice creams,**

"Yummy!"

**which they slurped happily as they wandered up the alley, examining the fascinating shop windows. Ron gazed longingly at a full set of Chudley Cannon robes in the windows of Quality Quidditch Supplies until Hermione dragged them off to buy ink and parchment next door. In Gambol and Japes Wizarding Joke Shop, they met Fred, George, and Lee Jordan, who were stocking up on Dr. Filibuster's Fabulous Wet-Start, No-Heat Fireworks, and in a tiny junk shop full of broken wands, lopsided brass scales, and old cloaks covered in potion stains they found Percy, deeply immersed in a small and deeply boring book called Prefects Who Gained Power.**

Regulus cocked his head to the side. "Perhaps this Weasley would have been better suited for Slytherin," he said.

"**A study of Hogwarts prefects and their later careers," Ron read aloud off the back cover. "That sounds fascinating…"**

"**Go away," Percy snapped.**

"'**Course, he's very ambitious, Percy, he's got it all planned out… He wants to be Minister of Magic…" Ron told Harry and Hermione in an undertone as they left Percy to it.**

"That's not a bad thing," Regulus said.

**An hour later, they headed for Flourish and Blotts. They were by no means the only ones making their way to the bookshop. As they approached it, they saw to their surprise a large crowd jostling outside the doors, trying to get in. The reason for this was proclaimed by a large banner stretched across the upper windows:**

**GILDEROY LOCKHART**

**will be signing copies of his autobiography**

**MAGICAL ME**

**today 12:30P. 4:30P.M.**

"Great, we have to see that git," James groaned. "Fan-bloody-tastic."

"**We can actually meet him!" Hermione squealed. "I mean, he's written almost the whole booklist!"**

"Aww! Looks likes someone's got a celebrity crush," Sirius laughed. "Isn't that precious."

**The crowd seemed to be made up mostly of witches around Mrs. Weasley's age. A harassed-looking wizard stood at the door, saying, "Calmly, please, ladies… Don't push, there… mind the books, now…"**

**Harry, Ron, and Hermione squeezed inside. A long line wound right to the back of the shop, where Gilderoy Lockhart was signing his books. They each grabbed a copy of The Standard Book of Spells, Grade 2 and sneaked up the line to where the rest of the Weasleys were standing with Mr. and Mrs. Granger.**

"**Oh, there you are, good," said Mrs. Weasley. She sounded breathless and kept patting her hair. "We'll be able to see him in a minute…"**

Sirius let out a bark like laugh.

**Gilderoy Lockhart came slowly into view, seated at a table surrounded by large pictures of his own face, all winking and flashing dazzlingly white teeth at the crowd. The real Lockhart was wearing robes of forget-me-not blue that exactly matched his eyes; his pointed wizard's hat was set at a jaunty angle on his wavy hair.**

"Moron," Regulus mumbled.

**A short, irritable-looking man was dancing around taking photographs with a large black camera that emitted puffs of purple smoke with every blinding flash.**

"**Out of the way, there," he snarled at Ron, moving back to get a better shot. "This is for the Daily Prophet —"**

"**Big deal," said Ron, rubbing his foot where the photographer had stepped on it.**

**Gilderoy Lockhart heard him. He looked up. He saw Ron — and then he saw Harry. He stared. Then he leapt to his feet and positively shouted, "It can't be Harry Potter?"**

"Oh shit, run Pup, run," Sirius urged.

James groaned. "Oh, poor Harry!"

**The crowd parted, whispering excitedly; Lockhart dived forward, seized Harry's arm, and pulled him to the front. The crowd burst into applause. Harry's face burned as Lockhart shook his hand for the photographer, who was clicking away madly, wafting thick smoke over the Weasleys.**

"**Nice big smile, Harry," said Lockhart, through his own gleaming teeth. "Together, you and I are worth the front page."**

"He is not just using my son for, for publicity!" James shouted, giving the book the foulest look he could.

"Umm... I would have to say he is Prongs," Sirius said. "Doesn't surprise me in the slightest."

**When he finally let go of Harry's hand, Harry could hardly feel his fingers. He tried to sidle back over to the Weasleys, but Lockhart threw an arm around his shoulders and clamped him tightly to his side.**

"**Ladies and gentlemen," he said loudly, waving for quiet. "What an extraordinary moment this is! The perfect moment for me to make a little announcement I've been sitting on for some time!**

"**When young Harry here stepped into Flourish and Blotts today, he only wanted to buy my autobiography — which I shall be happy to present him now, free of charge —" The crowd applauded again.**

"Moron he may be, but he most certainly is charismatic," Regulus commented. "Of course he's the same now a days, as well."

"**He had no idea," Lockhart continued, giving Harry a little shake that made his glasses slip to the end of his nose, "that he would shortly be getting much, much more than my book, Magical Me. He and his schoolmates will, in fact, be getting the real magical me. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, I have great pleasure and pride in announcing that this September, I will be taking up the post of Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry!"**

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Sirius cried in horror. "Poor Pup!"

"What was Dumbledore thinking?" James demanded. "Hiring that idiot! No one will learn a single thing, what about the kids taking their OWLS and NEWTS?"

"He most likely couldn't find anyone else," Orion said. "They haven't had a consistent teacher for quite some time."

"But still, Lockhart?" Regulus said to his father in disbelief. "There _had_ to be someone better then _Lockhart_." His father gave a shrug, as if to say, 'can't do anything about it, can we.'

**The crowd cheered and clapped and Harry found himself being presented with the entire works of Gilderoy Lockhart. Staggering slightly under their weight, he managed to make his way out of the limelight to the edge of the room, where Ginny was standing next to her new cauldron.**

"**You have these," Harry mumbled to her, tipping the books into the cauldron. "I'll buy my own —"**

"**Bet you loved that, didn't you, Potter?" said a voice Harry had no trouble recognizing. He straightened up and found himself face-to-face with Draco Malfoy, who was wearing his usual sneer.**

"Just what everyone wants to see," Sirius groaned. "Go away Malfoy."

"**Famous Harry Potter," said Malfoy. "Can't even go into a bookshop without making the front page."**

"**Leave him alone, he didn't want all that!" said Ginny. It was the first time she had spoken in front of Harry. She was glaring at Malfoy.**

"That a girl!" Sirius cheered.

**"Potter, you've got yourself a girlfriend!" drawled Malfoy. Ginny went scarlet as Ron and Hermione fought their way over, both clutching stacks of Lockhart's books.**

"**Oh, it's you," said Ron, looking at Malfoy as if he were something unpleasant on the sole of his shoe. "Bet you're surprised to see Harry here, eh?"**

"**Not as surprised as I am to see you in a shop, Weasley," retorted Malfoy. "I suppose your parents will go hungry for a month to pay for all those."**

"Shut it Malfoy," James said angrily. "The Weasleys are wonderful people!"

**Ron went as red as Ginny. He dropped his books into the cauldron, too, and started toward Malfoy, but Harry and Hermione grabbed the back of his jacket.**

"Let 'em go!" Sirius exclaimed. "Malfoy deserves it!"

**"Ron!" said Mr. Weasley, struggling over with Fred and George. "What are you doing? It's too crowded in here, let's go outside."**

"**Well, well, well — Arthur Weasley."**

**It was Mr. Malfoy. He stood with his hand on Draco's shoulder, sneering in just the same way.**

"Ugh," Sirius groaned. "Well doesn't this day just get better and better."

"**Lucius," said Mr. Weasley, nodding coldly.**

"**Busy time at the Ministry, I hear," said Mr. Malfoy. "All those raids… I hope they're paying you overtime?"**

**He reached into Ginny's cauldron and extracted, from amid the glossy Lockhart books, a very old, very battered copy of A Beginner's Guide to Transfiguration.**

"Hey! Didn't your mother ever teach you not to touch things that aren't yours!" Sirius snapped. "Put her book back."

"**Obviously not," Mr. Malfoy said. "Dear me, what's the use of being a disgrace to the name of wizard if they don't even pay you well for it?"**

"They are not disgraces!" Charlus growled. "They're just a perfect example of horrible things happening to wonderful people! It's people like Arthur who keep our world safely away from the Muggles you hate so much! Learn to be grateful."

**Mr. Weasley flushed darker than either Ron or Ginny.**

"**We have a very different idea of what disgraces the name of wizard, Malfoy," he said.**

"**Clearly," said Mr. Malfoy, his pale eyes straying to Mr. and Mrs. Granger, who were watching apprehensively. "The company you keep, Weasley… and I thought your family could sink no lower."**

Everyone, including Walburga and Bellatrix, gave the book a dark look. It was not very Slytherin to say such things in a public setting.

**There was a thud of metal as Ginny's cauldron went flying; Mr. Weasley had thrown himself at Mr. Malfoy, knocking him backward into a bookshelf.**

"All right Arthur!" James and Sirius cheered. "Get him good!"

**Dozens of heavy spellbooks came thundering down on all their heads; there was a yell of, "Get him, Dad!" from Fred or George; Mrs. Weasley was shrieking, "No, Arthur, no!"; the crowd stampeded backward, knocking more shelves over; "Gentlemen, please — please!" cried the assistant, and then, louder than all —**

"**Break it up, there, gents, break it up —"**

"Ah, come on man," Sirius groaned. "Let Arthur have his fun!"

**Hagrid was wading toward them through the sea of books. In an instant he had pulled Mr. Weasley and Mr. Malfoy apart.**

"I can't believe you Hagrid! You're supposed to be on Arthur's side!" Sirius pouted.

**Mr. Weasley had a cut lip and Mr. Malfoy had been hit in the eye by an Encyclopedia of Toadstools. He was still holding Ginny's old Transfiguration book. He thrust it at her, his eyes glittering with malice.**

"**Here, girl — take your book — it's the best your father can give you —" Pulling himself out of Hagrid's grip he beckoned to Draco and swept from the shop.**

"**Yeh should've ignored him, Arthur," said Hagrid, almost lifting Mr. Weasley off his feet as he straightened his robes. "Rotten ter the core, the whole family, everyone knows that — no Malfoy's worth listenin' ter — bad blood, that's what it is — come on now — let's get outta here."**

**The assistant looked as though he wanted to stop them leaving, but he barely came up to Hagrid's waist and seemed to think better of it. They hurried up the street, the Grangers shaking with fright and Mrs. Weasley beside herself with fury.**

"**A fine example to set for your children… brawling in public… what Gilderoy Lockhart must've thought —"**

"**He was pleased," said Fred. "Didn't you hear him as we were leaving? He was asking that bloke from the Daily Prophet if he'd be able to work the fight into his report — said it was all publicity —"**

**But it was a subdued group that headed back to the fireside in the Leaky Cauldron, where Harry, the Weasleys, and all their shopping would be traveling back to the Burrow using Floo powder. They said good-bye to the Grangers, who were leaving the pub for the Muggle street on the other side; Mr. Weasley started to ask them how bus stops worked, but stopped quickly at the look on Mrs. Weasley's face.**

**Harry took off his glasses and put them safely in his pocket before helping himself to Floo powder. It definitely wasn't his favorite way to travel.**

"Well it isn't mine either," James chuckled.

"That is it for this chapter," Pollux said handing the book to Arcturus.


	5. Chapter 5

**"The Whomping Willow,"** Arcturus read.

"Ah," James chuckled. "That wonderful tree."

**The end of the summer vacation came too quickly for Harry's liking. He was looking forward to getting back to Hogwarts, but his month at the Burrow had been the happiest of his life. It was difficult not to feel jealous of Ron when he thought of the Dursleys and the sort of welcome he could expect next time he turned up on Privet Drive.**

**On their last evening, Mrs. Weasley conjured up a sumptuous dinner that included all of Harry's favorite things, ending with a mouthwatering treacle pudding. Fred and George rounded off the evening with a display of Filibuster fireworks; they filled the kitchen with red and blue stars that bounced from ceiling to wall for at least half an hour. Then it was time for a last mug of hot chocolate and bed.**

"Hot chocolate," Sirius smiled. "That sounds really good right now."

"You just had some," Regulus rolled his eyes. "Like three cups of it at breakfast."

"So?"

**It took a long while to get started next morning. They were up at dawn, but somehow they still seemed to have a great deal to do. Mrs. Weasley dashed about in a bad mood looking for spare socks and quills; people kept colliding on the stairs, half-dressed with bits of toast in their hands; and Mr. Weasley nearly broke his neck, tripping over a stray chicken as he crossed the yard carrying Ginny's trunk to the car.**

"Ouch," Charlus winced. "That sucks."

**Harry couldn't see how eight people, six large trunks, two owls, and a rat were going to fit into one small Ford Anglia. He had reckoned, of course, without the special features that Mr. Weasley had added.**

"Of course," Remus laughed.

"**Not a word to Molly," he whispered to Harry as he opened the trunk and showed him how it had been magically expanded so that the luggage fitted easily.**

"You would think Molly would be smart enough to tell," Sirius chuckled. "While Muggles can do some pretty fantastic things I'm sure they can't compress space."

**When at last they were all in the car, Mrs. Weasley glanced into the back seat, where Harry, Ron, Fred, George, and Percy were all sitting comfortably side by side, and said, "Muggles do know more than we give them credit for, don't they?" She and Ginny got into the front seat, which had been stretched so that it resembled a park bench. "I mean, you'd never know it was this roomy from the outside, would you?"**

"That would be because it is not," Andromeda said dryly.

**Mr. Weasley started up the engine and they trundled out of the yard, Harry turning back for a last look at the house. He barely had time to wonder when he'd see it again when they were back.**

"Well wasn't that nice," James laughed.

**George had forgotten his box of Filibuster fireworks. Five minutes after that, they skidded to a halt in the yard so that Fred could run in for his broomstick. They had almost reached the highway when Ginny shrieked that she'd left her diary.**

"It's just a stupid diary," Bellatrix said in an unpleasant tone, rolling her eyes. "I'm sure she could live without it for a while until the blood traitors sent it to her."

**By the time she had clambered back into the car, they were running very late, and tempers were running high.**

**Mr. Weasley glanced at his watch and then at his wife.**

"**Molly, dear —"**

"**No, Arthur —–"**

"Come on, let him fly the car," Sirius whined. "It would be fuuuun."

"**No one would see — this little button here is an Invisibility Booster I installed — that'd get us up in the air — then we fly above the clouds. We'd be there in ten minutes and no one would be any the wiser —"**

"Well he has it all planned out doesn't he," Regulus snorted. "I'm sure he was planning never to use it."

"**I said no, Arthur, not in broad daylight —"**

"But it'll be invisible," James protested. "That counters all the problems with it being in broad daylight!"

**They reached King's Cross at a quarter to eleven. Mr. Weasley dashed across the road to get trolleys for their trunks and they all hurried into the station.**

**Harry had caught the Hogwarts Express the previous year. The tricky part was getting onto platform nine and three-quarters, which wasn't visible to the Muggle eye.**

"That isn't tricky," Narcissa said haughtily. "You just have to be a bit careful."

**What you had to do was walk through the solid barrier dividing platforms nine and ten. It didn't hurt, but it had to be done carefully so that none of the Muggles noticed you vanishing.**

"**Percy first," said Mrs. Weasley, looking nervously at the clock overhead, which showed they had only five minutes to disappear casually through the barrier.**

**Percy strode briskly forward and vanished. Mr. Weasley went next; Fred and George followed.**

"**I'll take Ginny and you two come right after us," Mrs. Weasley told Harry and Ron, grabbing Ginny's hand and setting off. In the blink of an eye they were gone.**

"Um... Shouldn't she have waited to make sure everyone went through?" Regulus asked.

"**Let's go together, we've only got a minute," Ron said to Harry.**

"Better hurry," James said.

**Harry made sure that Hedwig's cage was safely wedged on top of his trunk and wheeled his trolley around to face the barrier. He felt perfectly confident; this wasn't nearly as uncomfortable as using Floo powder. Both of them bent low over the handles of their trolleys and walked purposefully toward the barrier, gathering speed. A few feet away from it, they broke into a run and —**

**CRASH.**

"What crashed?" Regulus asked. "That doesn't sound good."

"No," James frowned. "You're right, it doesn't."

**Both trolleys hit the barrier and bounced backward;**

"What?!" James exclaimed. "How the bloody hell did that happen?"

**Ron's trunk fell off with a loud thump, Harry was knocked off his feet, and Hedwig's cage bounced onto the shiny floor, and she rolled away, shrieking indignantly; people all around them stared and a guard nearby yelled, "What in blazes d'you think you're doing?"**

"**Lost control of the trolley," Harry gasped, clutching his ribs as he got up. Ron ran to pick up Hedwig, who was causing such a scene that there was a lot of muttering about cruelty to animals from the surrounding crowd.**

"**Why can't we get through?" Harry hissed to Ron.**

"**I dunno —"**

**Ron looked wildly around. A dozen curious people were still watching them.**

"Go away," James said harshly. "Nothing to see there."

"**We're going to miss the train," Ron whispered. "I don't understand why the gateway's sealed itself —"**

**Harry looked up at the giant clock with a sickening feeling in the pit of his stomach. Ten seconds… nine seconds…**

"No! No! No!" James groaned.

**He wheeled his trolley forward cautiously until it was right against the barrier and pushed with all his might. The metal remained solid.**

**Three seconds… two seconds… one second…**

"Well isn't that just typical," Orion said. "Just his luck."

"It really is," Sirius grinned at his father.

"**It's gone," said Ron, sounding stunned. "The train's left. What if Mum and Dad can't get back through to us? Have you got any Muggle money?"**

**Harry gave a hollow laughed. "The Dursleys haven't given me pocket money for about six years."**

**Ron pressed his ear to the cold barrier.**

"**Can't hear a thing," he said tensely,**

"Of course you can't," Pollux rolled his eyes. "It's always been sound proof, it wouldn't be a good thing if Muggles heard sound coming out of the barrier, would it?"

**"What're we going to do? I don't know how long it'll take Mum and Dad to get back to us."**

**They looked around. People were still watching them, mainly because of Hedwig's continuing screeches.**

"**I think we'd better go and wait by the car," said Harry. "We're attracting too much atten —"**

"**Harry!" said Ron, his eyes gleaming. "The car!"**

"Brilliant!" Sirius cheered. "They can fly!"

"Just imagine how cool that would be," James laughed. "It would make them legends in a instant."

"And expelled," Remus said dryly.

"Oh it wouldn't be that bad," James waved his hand. "A couple of detentions maybe, but nothing more. Well as long as they don't get seen."

"And they have the invisibility booster for that," Sirius smiled.

"**We can fly the car to Hogwarts!"**

"**But I thought —"**

"**We're stuck, right? And we've got to get to school, haven't we? And even underage wizards are allowed to use magic if it's a real emergency, section nineteen or something of the Restriction of Thingy —"**

Regulus scoffed. "Restriction of Thingy? Well isn't he a bright one."

"**But your Mum and Dad…" said Harry, pushing against the barrier again in the vain hope that it would give way. "How will they get home?"**

"They don't need the car!" Sirius exclaimed. "They'll just Apparate! Come on, Harry, give it a go!"

"**They don't need the car!" said Ron impatiently. "They know how to Apparate! You know, just vanish and reappear at home! They only bother with Floo powder and the car because we're all underage and we're not allowed to Apparate yet…"**

**Harry's feeling of panic turned suddenly to excitement.**

"Yes!"

**"Can you fly it?"**

"**No, problem," said Ron,**

"It can't be that hard," Sirius said. "He's been watching the twins do it."

**wheeling his trolley around to face the exit. "C'mon, let's go. If we hurry we'll be able to follow the Hogwarts Express —"**

**And they marched off through the crowd of curious Muggles, out of the station and back onto the side road where the old Ford Anglia was parked.**

**Ron unlocked the cavernous trunk with a series of taps from his wand. They heaved their luggage back in, put Hedwig on the back seat, and got into the front.**

"**Check that no one's watching," said Ron, starting the ignition with another tap of his wand. Harry stuck his head out of the window: Traffic was rumbling along the main road ahead, but their street was empty.**

"All clear!" Sirius cheered. "Go! Go! Go!"

"**Okay," he said.**

**Ron pressed a tiny silver button on the dashboard. The car around them vanished — and so did they. Harry could feel the seat vibrating beneath him, hear the engine, feel his hands on his knees and his glasses on his nose, but for all he could see, he had become a pair of eyeballs, floating a few feet above the ground in a dingy street full of parked cars.**

"As if," Sirius chuckled. "Your eyes will disappear too."

"**Let's go," said Ron's voice from his right.**

**And the ground and the dirty buildings on either side fell away, dropping out of sight as the car rose; in seconds, the whole of London lay, smoky and glittering, below them.**

**Then there was a popping noise and the car, Harry, and Ron reappeared.**

"Well isn't that lovely," James groaned. "Seriously where does this kid get his luck?"

"**Uh-oh," said Ron, jabbing at the Invisibility Booster. "It's faulty —"**

**Both of them pummeled it. The car vanished. Then it flickered back again.**

"Get out of there," said Dorea urgently, forgetting that her grandson couldn't hear her. "More people are going to see you if you just wait around."

"**Hold on!" Ron yelled, and he slammed his foot on the accelerator; they shot straight into the low, woolly clouds and everything turned dull and foggy.**

"**Now what?" said Harry, blinking at the solid mass of cloud pressing in on them from all sides.**

"**We need to see the train to know what direction to go in," said Ron.**

"**Dip back down again — quickly —"**

"Yes, that is a fantastic idea," Walburga said acidly. "Give the Muggles more chances to see you."

**They dropped back beneath the clouds and twisted around in their seats, squinting at the ground.**

"**I can see it!" Harry yelled. "Right ahead — there!"**

**The Hogwarts Express was streaking along below them like a scarlet snake.**

"**Due north," said Ron, checking the compass on the dashboard. "Okay, we'll just have to check on it every half hour or so — hold on —"**

**And they shot up through the clouds. A minute later, they burst out into a blaze of sunlight.**

**It was a different world. The wheels of the car skimmed the sea of fluffy cloud, the sky a bright, endless blue under the blinding white sun.**

"**All we've got to worry about now are airplanes," said Ron.**

**They looked at each other and started to laugh; for a long time, they couldn't stop.**

**It was as though they had been plunged into a fabulous dream. This, thought Harry, was surely the only way to travel — past swirls and turrets of snowy cloud, in a car full of hot, bright sunlight, with a fat pack of toffees in the glove compartment, and the prospect of seeing Fred's and George's jealous faces when they landed smoothly and spectacularly on the sweeping lawn in front of Hogwarts castle.**

"Something tells me it won't end like that," Sirius said.

"Don't jinx it," James scowled at him. "They're already going to be in heaps of trouble I bet."

**They made regular checks on the train as they flew farther and farther north, each dip beneath the clouds showing them a different view. London was soon far behind them, replaced by neat green fields that gave way in turn to wide, purplish moors, a great city alive with cars like multicolored ants, villages with tiny toy churches.**

**Several uneventful hours later, however, Harry had to admit that some of the fun was wearing off. The toffees had made them extremely thirsty and they had nothing to drink. He and Ron had pulled off their sweaters, but Harry's T-shirt was sticking to the back of his seat and his glasses kept sliding down to the end of his sweaty nose. He had stopped noticing the fantastic cloud shapes now and was thinking longingly of the train miles below, where you could buy ice-cold pumpkin juice from a trolley pushed by a plump witch. Why hadn't they been able to get onto platform nine and three-quarters?**

"Good question," Sirius said. "A prank maybe?"

"It would require some really powerful magic," Regulus said. "Hm... Oh!" His eyes went wide.

"What?" James asked.

"The elf!" Regulus exclaimed. "He's trying to make certain Mini-Potter can't make it to Hogwarts!"

"You're right!" Sirius smiled. "Good job, Reggie."

Regulus beamed at him. "Thank you."

"**Can't be much further, can it?" croaked Ron, hours later still, as the sun started to sink into their floor of cloud, staining it a deep pink. "Ready for another check on the train?"**

**It was still right below them, winding its way past a snowcapped mountain. It was much darker beneath the canopy of clouds.**

**Ron put his foot on the accelerator and drove them upward again, but as he did so, the engine began to whine.**

"You have got to be kidding me!" James yelled. "What else could possibly happen?"

**Harry and Ron exchanged nervous glances.**

"**It's probably just tired," said Ron. "It's never been this far before…"**

"Yeah," James said anxiously. "That must be it."

**And they both pretended not to notice the whining growing louder and louder as the sky became steadily darker. Stars were blossoming in the blackness. Harry pulled his sweater back on, trying to ignore the way the windshield wipers were now waving feebly, as though in protest.**

"**Not far," said Ron, more to the car than to Harry, "not far now," and he patted the dashboard nervously.**

**When they flew back beneath the clouds a little while later, they had to squint through the darkness for a landmark they knew.**

"**There!" Harry shouted, making Ron and Hedwig jump. "Straight ahead!"**

**Silhouetted on the dark horizon, high on the cliff over the lake, stood the many turrets and towers of Hogwarts castle.**

"Yes!" James cheered. "They're going to make it!"

**But the car had begun to shudder and was losing speed.**

"Spoke to soon," Orion chuckled as James let out a long groan.

Sirius glanced at his father in surprise. He had been surprisingly light hearted, a side of him Sirius couldn't remember seeing before.

"**Come on," Ron said cajolingly, giving the steering wheel a little shake, "nearly there, come on —"**

**The engine groaned. Narrow jets of steam were issuing from under the hood. Harry found himself gripping the edges of his seat very hard as they flew toward the lake.**

**The car gave a nasty wobble. Glancing out of his window, Harry saw the smooth, black, glassy surface of the water, a mile below. Ron's knuckles were white on the steering wheel. The car wobbled again.**

"**Come on," Ron muttered.**

**They were over the lake — the castle was right ahead — Ron put his foot down.**

**There was a loud clunk, a splutter, and the engine died completely.**

"Shit!"

"**Uh-oh," said Ron, into the silence.**

**The nose of the car dropped. They were falling, gathering speed, heading straight for the solid castle wall.**

"**Noooooo!" Ron yelled, swinging the steering wheel around; they missed the dark stone wall by inches as the car turned in a great arc, soaring over the dark greenhouses, then the vegetable patch, and then out over the black lawns, losing altitude all the time.**

**Ron let go of the steering wheel completely and pulled his wand out of his back pocket —**

"**STOP! STOP!" he yelled, whacking the dashboard and the windshield, but they were still plummeting, the ground flying up toward them —**

"**WATCH OUT FOR THAT TREE!" Harry bellowed, lunging for the steering wheel, but too late —**

"... Please tell me he did not just say tree," James said.

**CRUNCH.**

**With an earsplitting bang of metal on wood, they hit the thick tree trunk and dropped to the ground with a heavy jolt. Steam was billowing from under the crumpled hood; Hedwig was shrieking in terror; a golfball-size lump was throbbing on Harry's head where he had hit the windshield; and to his right, Ron let out a low, despairing groan.**

"Come one get out of there!"

"**Are you okay?" Harry said urgently.**

"**My wand," said Ron, in a shaky voice. "Look at my wand —"**

**It had snapped, almost in two; the tip was dangling limply, held on by a few splinters.**

"Damn, that sucks for him."

**Harry opened his mouth to say he was sure they'd be able to mend it up at the school, but he never even got started.**

"It is not possible to mend a broken wand," Arcturus said, interrupting himself "That really is too bad."

**At that very moment, something hit his side of the car with the force of a charging bull, sending him lurching sideways into Ron, just as an equally heavy blow hit the roof.**

"**What's happen —?"**

"The tree is attacking you! No duh, now get out of there!" Regulus said.

**Ron gasped, staring through the windshield, and Harry looked around just in time to see a branch as thick as a python smash into it. The tree they had hit was attacking them. Its trunk was bent almost double, and its gnarled boughs were pummeling every inch of the car it could reach.**

"**Aaargh!" said Ron as another twisted limb punched a large dent into his door; the windshield was now trembling under a hail of blows from knuckle-like twigs and a branch as thick as a battering ram was pounding furiously on the roof, which seemed to be caving in.**

"**Run for it!" Ron shouted, throwing his full weight against his door, but next second he had been knocked backward into Harry's lap by a vicious uppercut from another branch.**

"**We're done for!" he moaned as the ceiling sagged, but suddenly the floor of the car was vibrating — the engine had restarted.**

"**Reverse!" Harry yelled, and the car shot backward; the tree was still trying to hit them; they could hear its roots creaking as it almost ripped itself up, lashing out at them as they sped out of reach.**

"Hold up a second," Regulus said. "Did the car just move by itself?"

"Must be a side effect of all the magic," Charlus said. "It seems to be acting like a magical item now."

**"That," panted Ron, "was close. Well done, car —"**

**The car, however, had reached the end of its tether. With two sharp clunks, the doors flew open and Harry felt his seat tip sideways: Next thing he knew he was sprawled on the damp ground. Loud thuds told him that the car was ejecting their luggage from the trunk; Hedwig's cage flew through the air and burst open; she rose out of it with an angry screech and sped off toward the castle without a backward look. Then, dented, scratched, and steaming, the car rumbled off into the darkness, its rear lights blazing angrily.**

"**Come back!" Ron yelled after it, brandishing his broken wand. "Dad'll kill me!"**

"I don't think that's what you should be worrying about," Regulus said.

**But the car disappeared from view with one last snort from its exhaust.**

"**Can you believe our luck?" said Ron miserably, bending down to pick up Scabbers. "Of all the trees we could've hit, we had to get one that hits back."**

**He glanced over his shoulder at the ancient tree, which was still flailing its branches threateningly.**

"That is pretty rotten luck," Sirius laughed. "But hey! At least they lived!"

**"Come on," said Harry wearily, "we'd better get up to the school…"**

"Good idea," James said. "Unless, of course, you would like to do something else incredibly stupid."

"James, you thought it was a cool idea!" shouted Sirius.

James stuck his tongue out at him.

**It wasn't at all the triumphant arrival they had pictured. Stiff, cold, and bruised, they seized the ends of their trunks and began dragging them up the grassy slope, toward the great oak front doors.**

"**I think the feast's already started," said Ron, dropping his trunk at the foot of the front steps and crossing quietly to look through a brightly lit window. "Hey — Harry — come and look — it's the Sorting!"**

**Harry hurried over and, together, he and Ron peered in at the Great Hall.**

**Innumerable candles were hovering in midair over four long, crowded tables, making the golden plates and goblets sparkle. Overhead, the bewitched ceiling, which always mirrored the sky outside, sparkled with stars.**

**Through the forest of pointed black Hogwarts hats, Harry saw a long line of scared-looking first years filing into the Hall. Ginny was among them, easily visible because of her vivid Weasley hair. Meanwhile, Professor McGonagall, a bespectacled witch with her hair in a tight bun, was placing the famous Hogwarts Sorting Hat on a stool before the newcomers.**

**Every year, this aged old hat, patched, frayed, and dirty, sorted new students into the four Hogwarts houses (Gryffindor, Hufflepuff, Ravenclaw, and Slytherin). Harry well remembered putting it on, exactly one year ago, and waiting, petrified, for its decision as it muttered aloud in his ear. For a few horrible seconds he had feared that the hat was going to put him in Slytherin, the house that had turned out more Dark witches and wizards than any other** **but he had ended up in Gryffindor, along with Ron, Hermione, and the rest of the Weasleys.**

**Last term, Harry and Ron had helped Gryffindor win the House Championship, beating Slytherin for the first time in seven years.**

"Unfairly," Narcissa snapped.

**A very small, mousy-haired boy had been called forward to place the hat on his head. Harry's eyes wandered past him to where Professor Dumbledore, the headmaster, sat watching the Sorting from the staff table, his long silver beard and half-moon glasses shining brightly in the candlelight. Several seats along, Harry saw Gilderoy Lockhart, dressed in robes of aquamarine. And there at the end was Hagrid, huge and hairy, drinking deeply from his goblet.**

"**Hang on…" Harry muttered to Ron. "There's an empty chair at the staff table… Where's Snape?"**

**Professor Severus Snape was Harry's least favorite teacher. Harry also happened to be Snape's least favorite student. Cruel, sarcastic, and disliked by everybody except the students from his own house (Slytherin), Snape taught Potions.**

"**Maybe he's ill!" said Ron hopefully.**

"**Maybe he's left," said Harry, "because he missed out on the Defense Against Dark Arts job again!"**

"**Or he might have been sacked!" said Ron enthusiastically. "I mean, everyone hates him —"**

"**Or maybe," said a very cold voice right behind them, "he's waiting to hear why you two didn't arrive on the school train."**

Regulus burst out laughing. "Serves them right! Specifically Ginger, talking ill about a person like that."

**Harry spun around. There, his black robes rippling in a cold breeze, stood Severus Snape. He was a thin man with sallow skin, a hooked nose, and greasy, shoulder-length black hair, and at this moment, he was smiling in a way that told Harry he and Ron were in very deep trouble.**

"**Follow me," said Snape.**

"Well," Regulus said, still chuckling. "The shit just hit the fan."

**Not daring even to look at each other, Harry and Ron followed Snape up the steps into the vast, echoing entrance hall, which was lit with flaming torches. A delicious smell of food was wafting from the Great Hall, but Snape led them away from the warmth and light, down a narrow stone staircase that led into the dungeons.**

"**In!" he said, opening a door halfway down the cold passageway and pointing.**

**They entered Snape's office, shivering. The shadowy walls were lined with shelves of large glass jars, in which floated all manner of revolting things Harry didn't really want to know the name of at the moment. The fireplace was dark and empty. Snape closed the door and turned to look at them.**

"**So," he said softly, "the train isn't good enough for the famous Harry Potter** **and his faithful sidekick Weasley. Wanted to arrive with a bang, did we, boys?"**

"Not at first," James protested. "Though I guess after a while that's what it was about..."

**"No, sir, it was the barrier at King's Cross, it —"**

**"Silence!" said Snape coldly. "What have you done with the car?" Ron gulped. This wasn't the first time Snape had given Harry the impression of being able to read minds. But a moment later, he understood, as Snape unrolled today's issue of the Evening Prophet. "You were seen," he hissed,**

"God damn it!"

**showing them the headline: FLYING FORD ANGLIA MYSTIFIES MUGGLES. He began to read aloud: "Two Muggles in London, convinced they saw an old car flying over the Post Office tower… at noon in Norfolk, Mrs. Hetty Bayliss, while hanging out her washing… Mr. Angus Fleet, of Peebles, reported to police… Six or seven Muggles in all. I believe your father works in the Misuse of Muggle Artifacts Office?" he said, looking up at Ron and smiling still more nastily. "Dear, dear… his own son…"**

"The guilty approach," Regulus said. "Severus can be very good at that."

**Harry felt as though he'd just been walloped in the stomach by one of the mad tree's larger branches. If anyone found out Mr. Weasley had bewitched the car… he hadn't thought of that…**

"I hadn't either," Sirius said. "It'll be to bad if Arthur get's in trouble for this."

"**I noticed, in my search of the park, that considerable damage seems to have been done to a very valuable Whomping Willow," Snape went on.**

"**That tree did more damage to us than we —" Ron blurted out.**

"**Silence!" snapped Snape again. "Most unfortunately, you are not in my House and the decision to expel you does not rest with me. I shall go and fetch the people who do have that happy power. You will wait here."**

**Harry and Ron stared at each other, white-faced. Harry didn't feel hungry any more. He now felt extremely sick. He tried not to look at a large, slimy something suspended in green liquid on a shelf behind Snape's desk. If Snape had gone to fetch Professor McGonagall, head of Gryffindor House, they were hardly any better off. She might be fairer than Snape, but she was still extremely strict.**

**Ten minutes later, Snape returned, and sure enough it was Professor McGonagall who accompanied him. Harry had seen Professor McGonagall angry on several occasions, but either he had forgotten just how thin her mouth could go, or he had never seen her this angry before. She raised her wand the moment she entered; Harry and Ron both flinched, but she merely pointed it at the empty fireplace, where flames suddenly erupted.**

"**Sit," she said, and they both backed into chairs by the fire.**

"**Explain," she said, her glasses glinting ominously.**

**Ron launched into the story, starting with the barrier at the station refusing to let them through.**

"— **so we had no choice, Professor, we couldn't get on the train."**

"**Why didn't you send us a letter by owl? I believe you have an owl?" Professor McGonagall said coldly to Harry.**

**Harry gaped at her. Now she said it, that seemed the obvious thing to have done.**

"Yes. Yes it was," Dorea said throught thin lips.

"**I — I didn't think —"**

**"That," said Professor McGonagall, "is obvious."**

"Ah, Minnie," Sirius chuckled. "She still has that wonderful sense of humor."

**There was a knock on the office door and Snape, now looking happier than ever, opened it.**

**There stood the headmaster, Professor Dumbledore. Harry's whole body went numb. Dumbledore was looking unusually grave. He stared down his very crooked nose at them, and Harry suddenly found himself wishing he and Ron were still being beaten up by the Whomping Willow.**

Sirius nodded. "He does have a way with guilt."

**There was a long silence. Then Dumbledore said, "Please explain why you did this."**

**It would have been better if he had shouted.**

"I don't think Dumbledore knows how to shout," James said. "Even after the... poorly planned prank, he spoke softly."

"But it would have been better if he shouted," Sirius said. "I totally get what Harry's saying."

**Harry hated the disappointment in his voice. For some reason, he was unable to look Dumbledore in the eyes, and spoke instead to his knees. He told Dumbledore everything except that Mr. Weasley owned the bewitched car, making it sound as though he and Ron had happened to find a flying car parked outside the station. He knew Dumbledore would see through this at once, but Dumbledore asked no questions about the car. When Harry had finished, he merely continued to peer at them through his spectacles.**

"**We'll go and get our stuff," said Ron in a hopeless sort of voice.**

"**What are you talking about, Weasley?" barked Professor McGonagall.**

"**Well, you're expelling us, aren't you?" said Ron.**

**Harry looked quickly at Dumbledore.**

"**Not today, Mr. Weasley," said Dumbledore. "But I must impress upon both of you the seriousness of what you have done. I will be writing to both your families tonight. I must also warn you that if you do anything like this again, I will have no choice but to expel you."**

Regulus rolled his eyes, this time, however, James caught it.

"What?" he asked.

"I highly doubt he will," Regulus said dryly. "Just wait and see."

**Snape looked as though Christmas had been canceled. He cleared his throat and said, "Professor Dumbledore, these boys have flouted the Decree for the Restriction of Underage Wizardry, caused serious damage to an old and valuable tree — surely acts of this nature —"**

"Would be enough to get a Slytherin expelled but not close enough to get a Gryffindor," Regulus mumbled. "The favoritism he shows is amazing."

"**It will be for Professor McGonagall to decide on these boys' punishments, Severus," said Dumbledore calmly. "They are in her House and are therefore her responsibility." He turned to Professor McGonagall. "I must go back to the feast, Minerva, I've got to give out a few notices. Come, Severus, there's a delicious-looking custard tart I want to sample —"**

**Snape shot a look of pure venom at Harry and Ron as he allowed himself to be swept out of his office, leaving them alone with Professor McGonagall, who was still eyeing them like a wrathful eagle.**

"**You'd better get along to the hospital wing, Weasley, you're bleeding."**

"**Not much," said Ron, hastily wiping the cut over his eye with his sleeve. "Professor, I wanted to watch my sister being Sorted —"**

"**The Sorting Ceremony is over," said Professor McGonagall. "Your sister is also in Gryffindor."**

"Whoot!" Sirius cheered. "Go Ginny!"

"**Oh, good," said Ron.**

"**And speaking of Gryffindor —" Professor McGonagall said sharply, but Harry cut in: "Professor, when we took the car, term hadn't started, so — so Gryffindor shouldn't really have points taken from it — should it?" he finished, watching her anxiously.**

"Wow, he really is gutsy," Sirius chuckled. "Sounds like something James would have said."

**Professor McGonagall gave him a piercing look, but he was sure she had almost smiled. Her mouth looked less thin, anyway.**

"**I will not take any points from Gryffindor," she said, and Harry's heart lightened considerably. "But you will both get a detention."**

**It was better than Harry had expected. As for Dumbledore's writing to the Dursleys, that was nothing. Harry knew perfectly well they'd just be disappointed that the Whomping Willow hadn't squashed him flat.**

**Professor McGonagall raised her wand again and pointed it at Snape's desk. A large plate of sandwiches, two silver goblets, and a jug of iced pumpkin juice appeared with a pop.**

"**You will eat in here and then go straight up to your dormitory," she said. "I must also return to the feast."**

**When the door had closed behind her, Ron let out a long, low whistle.**

"**I thought we'd had it," he said, grabbing a sandwich.**

"**So did I," said Harry, taking one, too.**

"**Can you believe our luck, though?" said Ron thickly through a mouthful of chicken and ham. "Fred and George must've flown that car five or six times and no Muggle ever saw them." He swallowed and took another huge bite. "Why couldn't we get through the barrier?"**

**Harry shrugged. "We'll have to watch our step from now on, though," he said, taking a grateful swig of pumpkin juice. "Wish we could've gone up to the feast…"**

"I know," Sirius groaned. "Just think of the delicious food they're missing!"

"She wouldn't want people to think it's cool to fly a car to Hogwarts," James said.

"For good reason," said Dorea snapped at her son.

"**She didn't want us showing off," said Ron sagely. "Doesn't want people to think it's clever, arriving by flying car."**

"That would be because it's not," Regulus snorted.

**When they had eaten as many sandwiches as they could (the plate kept refilling itself) they rose and left the office, treading the familiar path to Gryffindor Tower. The castle was quiet; it seemed that the feast was over. They walked past muttering portraits and creaking suits of armor, and climbed narrow flights of stone stairs, until at last they reached the passage where the secret entrance to Gryffindor Tower was hidden, behind an oil painting of a very fat woman in a pink silk dress.**

"**Password?" she said as they approached.**

"**Er —" said Harry.**

"Yes, getting in requires a password, oddly enough," Sirius chuckled.

**They didn't know the new year's password, not having met a Gryffindor prefect yet, but help came almost immediately; they heard hurrying feet behind them and turned to see Hermione dashing toward them.**

"Poor Hermione," James said. "She must have been worried sick."

"**There you are! Where have you been? The most ridiculous rumors — someone said you'd been expelled for crashing a flying car!"**

"**Well, we haven't been expelled," Harry assured her.**

"**You're not telling me you did fly here?" said Hermione, sounding almost as severe as Professor McGonagall.**

"Yeah yeah yeah," Sirius said. "Just tell them the password already."

"**Skip the lecture," said Ron impatiently, "and tell us the new password."**

**"It's 'wattlebird,'" said Hermione impatiently, "but that's not the point —"**

"Big mistake," Andromeda said. "Now whatever she was going to say is going to be drowned out by the noise in the common room."

**Her words were cut short, however, as the portrait of the fat lady swung open and there was a sudden storm of clapping. It looked as though the whole of Gryffindor House was still awake, packed into the circular common room, standing on the lopsided tables and squashy armchairs, waiting for them to arrive. Arms reached through the portrait hole to pull Harry and Ron inside, leaving Hermione to scramble in after them.**

"**Brilliant!" yelled Lee Jordan. "Inspired! What an entrance! Flying a car right into the Whomping Willow, people'll be talking about that one for years —"**

"**Good for you," said a fifth year Harry had never spoken to; someone was patting him on the back as though he'd just won a marathon; Fred and George pushed their way to the front of the crowd and said together, "Why couldn't we've come in the car, eh?"**

**Ron was scarlet in the face, grinning embarrassedly, but Harry could see one person who didn't look happy at all. Percy was visible over the heads of some excited first years, and he seemed to be trying to get near enough to start telling them off. Harry nudged Ron in the ribs and nodded in Percy's direction. Ron got the point at once.**

"Killjoy," Sirius muttered.

"**Got to get upstairs — bit tired," he said, and the two of them started pushing their way toward the door on the other side of the room, which led to a spiral staircase and the dormitories.**

"'**Night," Harry called back to Hermione, who was wearing a scowl just like Percy's.**

"She's a killjoy too," Sirius muttered again.

**They managed to get to the other side of the common room, still having their backs slapped, and gained the peace of the staircase. They hurried up it, right to the top, and at last reached the door of their old dormitory, which now had a sign on it saying SECOND YEARS. They entered the familiar, circular room, with its five four-posters hung with red velvet and its high, narrow windows. Their trunks had been brought up for them and stood at the ends of their beds.**

**Ron grinned guiltily at Harry.**

"**I know I shouldn't've enjoyed that or anything, but…"**

**The dormitory door flew open and in came the other second year Gryffindor boys, Seamus Finnigan, Dean Thomas, and Neville Longbottom.**

"**Unbelievable!" beamed Seamus.**

"**Cool," said Dean.**

"**Amazing," said Neville, awestruck.**

**Harry couldn't help it. He grinned, too.**

"That is the end of this chapter", said Arcturus

"I'll read next Grandfather," said Andromeda


	6. Chapter 6

**"Gilderoy Lockhart,**" Andromeda read. "Well isn't this lovely.

**The next day, however, Harry barely grinned once. Things started to go downhill from breakfast in the Great Hall. The four long house tables were laden with tureens of porridge, plates of kippers, mountains of toast, and dishes of eggs and bacon, beneath the enchanted ceiling (today, a dull, cloudy gray). Harry and Ron sat down at the Gryffindor table next to Hermione, who had her copy of Voyages with Vampires propped open against a milk jug.**

"Uh, why on earth is she reading that trash so early in the morning," Sirius groaned.

**There was a slight stiffness in the way she said "Morning," which told Harry that she was still disapproving of the way they had arrived. Neville Longbottom, on the other hand, greeted them cheerfully. Neville was a round-faced and accident-prone boy with the worst memory of anyone Harry had ever met.**

"How nice of him." Dorea said dryly.

"**Mail's due any minute — I think Gran's sending a few things I forgot."**

**Harry had only just started his porridge when, sure enough, there was a rushing sound overhead and a hundred or so owls streamed in, circling the hall and dropping letters and packages into the chattering crowd. A big, lumpy package bounced off Neville's head and, a second later, something large and gray fell into Hermione's jug, spraying them all with milk and feathers.**

"That sounds like the Weasley's bird," James said. "Something tells me this should be funny."

"**Errol!" said Ron, pulling the bedraggled owl out by the feet. Errol slumped, Unconscious, onto the table, his legs in the air and a damp red envelope in his beak.**

"A Howler!" Bellatrix cackled and then cooed. "Oh poor them!"

"**Oh, no —" Ron gasped.**

"**It's all right, he's still alive," said Hermione, prodding Errol gently with the tip of her finger.**

"Like he cares about the bloody owl," Sirius laughed.

**"It's not that — it's that."**

**Ron was pointing at the red envelope. It looked quite ordinary to Harry, but Ron and Neville were both looking at it as though they expected it to explode.**

"It does!" Regulus chirped cheerfully. "It's so much fun watching other people get them!"

"**What's the matter?" said Harry.**

"**She's — she's sent me a Howler," said Ron faintly.**

"**You'd better open it, Ron," said Neville in a timid whisper. "It'll be worse if you don't. My gran sent me one once, and I ignored it and" — he gulped —"it was horrible."**

**Harry looked from their petrified faces to the red envelope.**

"**What's a Howler?" he said.**

"You'll see."

**But Ron's whole attention was fixed on the letter, which had begun to smoke at the corners.**

"**Open it," Neville urged. "It'll all be over in a few minutes —"**

**Ron stretched out a shaking hand, eased the envelope from Errol's beak, and slit it open. Neville stuffed his fingers in his ears. A split second later, Harry knew why. He thought for a moment it had exploded; a roar of sound filled the huge hall, shaking dust from the ceiling.**

"—**STEALING THE CAR, I WOULDN'T HAVE BEEN SURPRISED IF THEY'D EXPELLED YOU, YOU WAIT TILL I GET HOLD OF YOU, I DON'T SUPPOSE YOU STOPPED TO THINK WHAT YOUR FATHER AND I WENT THROUGH WHEN WE SAW IT WAS GONE —"**

**Mrs. Weasleys yells, a hundred times louder than usual, made the plates and spoons rattle on the table, and echoed deafeningly off the stone walls. People throughout the hall were swiveling around to see who had received the Howler, and Ron sank so low in his chair that only his crimson forehead could be seen.**

"—**LETTER FROM DUMBLEDORE LAST NIGHT, I THOUGHT YOUR FATHER WOULD DIE OF SHAME, WE DIDN'T BRING YOU UP TO BEHAVE LIKE THIS, YOU AND HARRY COULD BOTH HAVE DIED —"**

**Harry had been wondering when his name was going to crop up. He tried very hard to look as though he couldn't hear the voice that was making his eardrums throb.**

"—**ABSOLUTELY DISGUSTED — YOUR FATHER'S FACING AN INQUIRY AT WORK, IT'S ENTIRELY YOUR FAULT AND IF YOU PUT ANOTHER TOE OUT OF LINE WE'LL BRING YOU STRAIGHT BACK HOME."**

"Ah," Regulus sighed with smile on his face. "I love Howlers."

"That could be because you have never received one," Sirius said with a roll of his silver blue eyes

**A ringing silence fell. The red envelope, which had dropped from Ron's hand, burst into flames and curled into ashes. Harry and Ron sat stunned, as though a tidal wave had just passed over them. A few people laughed and, gradually, a babble of talk broke out again.**

**Hermione closed Voyages with Vampires and looked down at the top of Ron's head.**

"**Well, I don't know what you expected, Ron, but you —"**

"Okay right now is not the time to go all lectury," Sirius said. "You gotta wait for the sting to die down just a bit."

"**Don't tell me I deserved it," snapped Ron.**

"Even though you did," Regulus said.

**Harry pushed his porridge away. His insides were burning with guilt. Mr. Weasley was facing an inquiry at work. After all Mr. and Mrs. Weasley had done for him over the summer…**

**But he had no time to dwell on this; Professor McGonagall was moving along the Gryffindor table, handing out course schedules. Harry took his and saw that they had double Herbology with the Hufflepuffs first.**

"Urgh," Narcissa said shuddering. "I hate that class."

**Harry, Ron, and Hermione left the castle together, crossed the vegetable patch, and made for the greenhouses, where the magical plants were kept. At least the Howler had done one good thing:**

**"What good could a Howler do," Sirius scoffed.**

**Hermione seemed to think they had now been punished enough and was being perfectly friendly again.**

**As they neared the greenhouses they saw the rest of the class standing outside, waiting for Professor Sprout. Harry, Ron, and Hermione had only just joined them when she came striding into view across the lawn, accompanied by Gilderoy Lockhart.**

"Poor woman," James said. "I bet she's been listening him prattle on all morning!"

**Professor Sprout's arms were full of bandages, and with another twinge of guilt, Harry spotted the Whomping Willow in the distance, several of its branches now in slings.**

"That poor tree," Sirius said with a fake sob. "How will life go on?"

"Oh knock it off," James said, swatting at him. "That tree has its uses."

**Professor Sprout was a squat little witch who wore a patched hat over her flyaway hair; there was usually a large amount of earth on her clothes and her fingernails would have made Aunt Petunia faint. Gilderoy Lockhart, however, was immaculate in sweeping robes of turquoise, his golden hair shining under a perfectly positioned turquoise hat with gold trimming.**

Sirius pretended to barf a little.

"**Oh, hello there!" he called, beaming around at the assembled students. "Just been showing Professor Sprout the right way to doctor a Whomping Willow!**

Charlus snorted. "I am sure you have."

**But I don't want you running away with the idea that I'm better at Herbology than she is! I just happen to have met several of these exotic plants on my travels…"**

"Git."

"**Greenhouse three today, chaps!" said Professor Sprout, who was looking distinctly disgruntled, not at all her usual cheerful self.**

"Yeah, being around a self-centered morons tends to do that to you," Regulus said.

**There was a murmur of interest. They had only ever worked in greenhouse one before — greenhouse three housed far more interesting and dangerous plants. Professor Sprout took a large key from her belt and unlocked the door. Harry caught a whiff of damp earth and fertilizer mingling with the heavy perfume of some giant, umbrella-sized flowers dangling from the ceiling. He was about to follow Ron and Hermione inside when Lockhart's hand shot out.**

"Oh leave him alone you prat!"

"**Harry! I've been wanting a word — you don't mind if he's a couple of minutes late, do you, Professor Sprout?"**

"Yes! I'm sure she does!"

**Judging by Professor Sprout's scowl, she did mind, but Lockhart said, "That's the ticket," and closed the greenhouse door in her face.**

"**Harry," said Lockhart, his large white teeth gleaming in the sunlight as he shook his head. "Harry, Harry, Harry."**

"Well," Sirius said slowly. "At least we know he knows Harry's name..."

**Completely nonplussed, Harry said nothing.**

"**When I heard — well, of course, it was all my fault. Could have kicked myself."**

"Um... what's his fault?" Sirius asked. "While I'm sure many things are, I can't think of a single one that would connect to Harry."

**Harry had no idea what he was talking about. He was about to say so when Lockhart went on, "Don't know when I've been more shocked. Flying a car to Hogwarts! Well, of course, I knew at once why you'd done it. Stood out a mile. Harry, Harry, Harry."**

"That had nothing to do with you!" Sirius exclaimed. "How on earth did you make that leap?"

**It was remarkable how he could show every one of those brilliant teeth even when he wasn't talking.**

"**Gave you a taste for publicity, didn't I?" said Lockhart. "Gave you the bug. You got onto the front page of the paper with me and you couldn't wait to do it again."**

"As if," Regulus scowled. "If you knew the boy at all you would see he hates attention."

"**Oh, no, Professor, see —"**

"**Harry, Harry, Harry," said Lockhart, reaching out and grasping his shoulder. "I understand. Natural to want a bit more once you've had that first taste — and I blame myself for giving you that, because it was bound to go to your head — but see here, young man, you can't start flying cars to try and get yourself noticed. Just calm down, all right? Plenty of time for all that when you're older. Yes, yes, I know what you're thinking! 'It's all right for him, he's an internationally famous wizard already!' But when I was twelve, I was just as much of a nobody as you are now.**

"Ha!" Sirius laughed. "The kid is more famous then you could ever be for something he didn't even do! Or remember doing, at least."

**In fact, I'd say I was even more of a nobody! I mean, a few people have heard of you, haven't they? All that business with He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named!"**

"A few," Jamess scoffed.

**He glanced at the lightning scar on Harry's forehead. "I know, I know — it's not quite as good as winning Witch Weekly's Most Charming Smile Award five times in a row, as I have — but it's a start, Harry, it's a start."**

"Right... I think someone needs a one way trip to a nice, comfy, and highly padded room."

**He gave Harry a hearty wink and strode off. Harry stood stunned for a few seconds, then, remembering he was supposed to be in the greenhouse, he opened the door and slid inside.**

**Professor Sprout was standing behind a trestle bench in the center of the greenhouse. About twenty pairs of different-colored ear muffs were lying on the bench. When Harry had taken his place between Ron and Hermione, she said, "We'll be repotting Mandrakes today. Now, who can tell me the properties of the Mandrake?"**

**To nobody's surprise, Hermione's hand was first into the air.**

**"Mandrake, or Mandragora, is a powerful restorative," said Hermione, sounding as usual as though she had swallowed the textbook.**

"Hey, who knows? She might have," Sirius chuckled.

**"It is used to return people who have been transfigured or cursed to their original state."**

"**Excellent. Ten points to Gryffindor," said Professor Sprout. "The Mandrake forms an essential part of most antidotes. It is also, however, dangerous. Who can tell me why?"**

**Hermione's hand narrowly missed Harry's glasses as it shot up again.**

"And that's why people with glasses shouldn't sit next to know-it-alls," James laughed. "As I have learned from both Moony and Lily."

"**The cry of the Mandrake is fatal to anyone who hears it," she said promptly.**

"**Precisely. Take another ten points," said Professor Sprout. "Now, the Mandrakes we have here are still very young."**

**She pointed to a row of deep trays as she spoke, and everyone shuffled forward for a better look. A hundred or so tufty little plants, purplish green in color, were growing there in rows. They looked quite unremarkable to Harry, who didn't have the slightest idea what Hermione meant by the "cry" of the Mandrake.**

"**Everyone take a pair of earmuffs," said Professor Sprout.**

**There was a scramble as everyone tried to seize a pair that wasn't pink and fluffy.**

"**When I tell you to put them on, make sure your ears are completely covered," said Professor Sprout. "When it is safe to remove them, I will give you the thumbs-up. Right — earmuffs on."**

**Harry snapped the earmuffs over his ears. They shut out sound completely.**

"That's good," James said.

**Professor Sprout put the pink, fluffy pair over her own ears, rolled up the sleeves of her robes, grasped one of the tufty plants firmly, and pulled hard.**

**Harry let out a gasp of surprise that no one could hear.**

"Yeah, that ain't the most pleasant sight to see."

**Instead of roots, a small, muddy, and extremely ugly baby popped out of the earth. The leaves were growing right out of his head. He had pale green, mottled skin, and was clearly bawling at the top of his lungs.**

**Professor Sprout took a large plant pot from under the table and plunged the Mandrake into it, burying him in dark, damp compost until only the tufted leaves were visible. Professor Sprout dusted off her hands, gave them all the thumbs-up, and removed her own earmuffs.**

"They always make it seem easier then it really is," Sirius said.

"**As our Mandrakes are only seedlings, their cries won't kill yet," she said calmly as though she'd just done nothing more exciting than water a begonia. "However, they will knock you out for several hours, and as I'm sure none of you want to miss your first day back,**

James and Sirius snorted.

**make sure your earmuffs are securely in place while you work. I will attract your attention when it is time to pack up.**

"**Four to a tray — there is a large supply of pots here — compost in the sacks over there — and be careful of the Venemous Tentacula, it's teething."**

**She gave a sharp slap to a spiky, dark red plant as she spoke, making it draw in the long feelers that had been inching sneakily over her shoulder.**

**Harry, Ron, and Hermione were joined at their tray by a curly-haired Hufflepuff boy Harry knew by sight but had never spoken to.**

"**Justin Finch-Fletchley," he said brightly, shaking Harry by the hand. "Know who you are, of course, the famous Harry Potter… And you're Hermione Granger — always top in everything" (Hermione beamed as she had her hand shaken too) "— and Ron Weasley. Wasn't that your flying car?"**

"Something tells me this boy isn't going to be on Ron's good side."

**Ron didn't smile. The Howler was obviously still on his mind.**

**"That Lockhart's something, isn't he?" said Justin happily as they began filling their plant pots with dragon dung compost. "Awfully brave chap. Have you read his books? I'd have died of fear if I'd been cornered in a telephone booth by a werewolf, but he stayed cool and — zap — just fantastic.**

"Not really," James frowned. "What lies is he spreading about werewolves?"

"**My name was down for Eton, you know. I can't tell you how glad I am I came here instead. Of course, Mother was slightly disappointed, but since I made her read Lockhart's books I think she's begun to see how useful it'll be to have a fully trained wizard in the family…"**

"A muggle-born then," James said. "Though I don't know what to think about his mother if _Lockhart's _books convinced her..."

**After that they didn't have much chance to talk. Their earmuffs were back on and they needed to concentrate on the Mandrakes. Professor Sprout had made it look extremely easy, but it wasn't. The Mandrakes didn't like coming out of the earth, but didn't seem to want to go back into it either. They squirmed, kicked, flailed their sharp little fists, and gnashed their teeth; Harry spent ten whole minutes trying to squash a particularly fat one into a pot.**

"I always got the fattest ones," Sirius scowled.

**By the end of the class, Harry, like everyone else, was sweaty, aching, and covered in earth. Everyone traipsed back to the castle for a quick wash and then the Gryffindors hurried off to Transfiguration.**

**Professor McGonagall's classes were always hard work, but today was especially difficult. Everything Harry had learned last year seemed to have leaked out of his head during the summer. He was supposed to be turning a beetle into a button, but all he managed to do was give his beetle a lot of exercise as it scuttled over the desktop avoiding his wand.**

"Oh, come on!" James groaned. "That isn't even a hard one!"

**Ron was having far worse problems. He had patched up his wand with some borrowed Spellotape, but it seemed to be damaged beyond repair. It kept crackling and sparking at odd moments, and every time Ron tried to transfigure his beetle it engulfed him in thick gray smoke that smelled of rotten eggs. Unable to see what he was doing, Ron accidentally squashed his beetle with his elbow and had to ask for a new one. Professor McGonagall wasn't pleased.**

"She never is when you kill the test subjects," Charlus nodded with an amused expression.

**Harry was relieved to hear the lunch bell. His brain felt like a wrung sponge. Everyone filed out of the classroom except him and Ron, who was whacking his wand furiously on the desk.**

"Um, yeah, I don't think that will help," Regulus said. "The wand is going to be totally useless if he keeps that up."

"**Stupid — useless — thing —"**

"**Write home for another one," Harry suggested as the wand let off a volley of bangs like a firecracker.**

"I'm sure his mother would just love to send him one," Regulus laughed.

"**Oh, yeah, and get another Howler back," said Ron, stuffing the now hissing wand into his bag. **_"'__**It's your own fault your wand got snapped — '"**_

**They went down to lunch, where Ron's mood was not improved by Hermione's showing them the handful of perfect coat buttons she had produced in Transfiguration.**

**"What've we got this afternoon?" said Harry, hastily changing the subject.**

"**Defense Against the Dark Arts," said Hermione at once.**

Everyone in the room groaned.

**_"Why," _****demanded Ron, seizing her schedule, "have you outlined all Lockhart's lessons in little hearts?"**

"Gross," Sirius and Bellatrix scrunched up their noses.

**Hermione snatched the schedule back, blushing furiously.**

**They finished lunch and went outside into the overcast courtyard. Hermione sat down on a stone step and buried her nose in Voyages with Vampires again. Harry and Ron stood talking about Quidditch for several minutes before Harry became aware that he was being closely watched. Looking up, he saw the very small, mousy-haired boy he'd seen trying on the Sorting Hat last night staring at Harry as though transfixed. He was clutching what looked like an ordinary Muggle camera, and the moment Harry looked at him, he went bright red.**

"**All right, Harry? I'm — I'm Colin Creevey," he said breathlessly, taking a tentative step forward. "I'm in Gryffindor, too. D'you think — would it be all right if — can I have a picture?" he said, raising the camera hopefully.**

"Harry's got a fanboy!" Sirius exclaimed. "How cute!"

"**A picture?" Harry repeated blankly.**

"**So I can prove I've met you," said Colin Creevey eagerly, edging further forward. "I know all about you. Everyone's told me. About how you survived when You-Know-Who tried to kill you and how he disappeared and everything and how you've still got a lightning scar on your forehead" (his eyes raked Harry's hairline) "and a boy in my dormitory said if I develop the film in the right potion, the pictures'll move." Colin drew a great shuddering breath of excitement and said, "It's amazing here, isn't it? I never knew all the odd stuff I could do was magic till I got the letter from Hogwarts. My dad's a milkman, he couldn't believe it either. So I'm taking loads of pictures to send home to him. And it'd be really good if I had one of you" — he looked imploringly at Harry — "maybe your friend could take it and I could stand next to you? And then, could you sign it?"**

"**Signed photos? You're giving out signed photos, Potter?"**

"Something tells me I'm not going to like the person that voice belongs to," said James.

**Loud and scathing, Draco Malfoy's voice echoed around the courtyard. He had stopped right behind Colin, flanked, as he always was at Hogwarts, by his large and thuggish cronies, Crabbe and Goyle.**

"**Everyone line up!" Malfoy roared to the crowd. "Harry Potter's giving out signed photos!"**

"You're just jealous."

"**No, I'm not," said Harry angrily, his fists clenching. "Shut up, Malfoy."**

"**You're just jealous," piped up Colin,** **whose entire body was about as thick as Crabbe's neck.**

"**Jealous?" said Malfoy, who didn't need to shout anymore: half the courtyard was listening in. "Of what? I don't want a foul scar right across my head, thanks. I don't think getting your head cut open makes you that special, myself."**

**Crabbe and Goyle were sniggering stupidly.**

"**Eat slugs, Malfoy," said Ron angrily. Crabbe stopped laughing and started rubbing his knuckles in a menacing way.**

"**Be careful, Weasley," sneered Malfoy. "You don't want to start any trouble or your Mommy'll have to come and take you away from school." He put on a shrill, piercing voice. ****_"'If you put another toe out of line'—"_**

**A knot of Slytherin fifth-years nearby laughed loudly at this.**

"**Weasley would like a signed photo, Potter," smirked Malfoy. "It'd be worth more than his family's whole house —"**

"Git."

**Ron whipped out his Spellotaped wand, but Hermione shut Voyages with Vampires with a snap and whispered, "Look out!"**

"And I bet I won't like whoever this is either!"

**"What's all this, what's all this?" Gilderoy Lockhart was striding toward them, his turquoise robes swirling behind him. "Who's giving out signed photos?"**

**"No one, you git. Now, go away!"**

**Harry started to speak but he was cut short as Lockhart flung an arm around his shoulders and thundered jovially, "Shouldn't have asked! We meet again, Harry!"**

"Unfortunately."

**Pinned to Lockhart's side and burning with humiliation, Harry saw Malfoy slide smirking back into the crowd.**

"**Come on then, Mr. Creevey," said Lockhart, beaming at Colin. "A double portrait, can't do better than that, and we'll both sign it for you."**

"I don't think Harry will be joining you in the offer mate," James said.

**Colin fumbled for his camera and took the picture as the bell rang behind them, signaling the start of afternoon classes.**

"**Off you go, move along there," Lockhart called to the crowd, and he set off back to the castle with Harry, who was wishing he knew a good Vanishing Spell, still clasped to his side.**

"**A word to the wise, Harry," said Lockhart paternally as they entered the building through a side door. "I covered up for you back there with young Creevey — if he was photographing me, too, your schoolmates won't think you're setting yourself up so much…"**

"Harry did not want that!" James protested. "You enormous sized ass!"

**Deaf to Harry's stammers, Lockhart swept him down a corridor lined with staring students and up a staircase.**

"**Let me just say that handing out signed pictures at this stage of your career isn't sensible — looks a tad bigheaded, Harry, to be frank. There may well come a time when, like me, you'll need to keep a stack handy wherever you go, but" — he gave a little chortle — "I don't think you're quite there yet."**

**They had reached Lockhart's classroom and he let Harry go at last. Harry yanked his robes straight and headed for a seat at the very back of the class, where he busied himself with piling all seven of Lockhart's books in front of him, so that he could avoid looking at the real thing.**

**The rest of the class came clattering in, and Ron and Hermione sat down on either side of Harry.**

"**You could've fried an egg on your face" said Ron. "You'd better hope Creevey doesn't meet Ginny, or they'll be starting a Harry Potter fan club."**

"That would be kind of cool I would think," Sirius laughed. "Though, I guess Harry wouldn't agree."

"He should be careful where he says that," James warned. "Just imagine what would happen if Lockhart heard him."

**"Shut up," snapped Harry. The last thing he needed was for Lockhart to hear the phrase "Harry Potter fan club"**

**When the whole class was seated, Lockhart cleared his throat loudly and silence fell. He reached forward, picked up Neville Longbottom's copy of Travels with Trolls, and held it up to show his own, winking portrait on the front.**

"**Me," he said, pointing at it**

"No shit genius."

**and winking as well. "Gilderoy Lockhart, Order of Merlin, Third Class,**

"Good grief!" Pollux exclaimed. "What on earth could he have done to deserve that?!"

**Honorary Member of the Dark Force Defense League, and five-time winner of Witch Weekly's Most Charming Smile Award but I don't talk about that. I didn't get rid of the Bandon Banshee by smiling at her!"**

"I don't know," said Sirius. "I'm sure it's scary enough to."

**He waited for them to laugh; a few people smiled weakly.**

"How much do you want to bet Hermione was one of them," Sirius laughed.

"**I see you've all bought a complete set of my books — well done. I thought we'd start today with a little quiz. Nothing to worry about — just to check how well you've read them, how much you've taken in —"**

**When he had handed out the test papers he returned to the front of the class and said, "You have thirty minutes — start —now!"**

**Harry looked down at his paper and read:**

**1. What is Gilderoy Lockhart's favorite color?**

"... You have got to be kidding me," Arcturus said.

"No," Andromeda said. "They're all like that too, just listen."

**2. What is Gilderoy Lockhart's secret ambition?**

**3. What, in your opinion, is Gilderoy Lockhart's greatest achievement to date?**

**On and on it went, over three sides of paper, right down to:**

**54. When is Gilderoy Lockhart's birthday, and what would his ideal gift be?**

"Those are the question that every Defense Against the Dart Art Professor should ask," Sirius chuckled.

**Half an hour later, Lockhart collected the papers and rifled through them in front of the class.**

"**Tut, tut — hardly any of you remembered that my favorite color is lilac. I say so in Year with the Yeti. And a few of you need to read Wanderings with Werewolves more carefully — I clearly state in chapter twelve that my ideal birthday gift would be harmony between all magic and non-magic peoples — though I wouldn't say no to a large bottle of Odgkins Old Firewhisky!"**

James snorted.

**He gave them another roguish wink. Ron was now staring at Lockhart with an expression of disbelief on his face; Seamus Finnigan and Dean Thomas, who were sitting in front, were shaking with silent laughter. Hermione, on the other hand, was listening to Lockhart with rapt attention and gave a start when he mentioned her name.**

"Awww how cute," Sirius cooed, sounding a lot like Bellatrix.

**"… but Miss Hermione Granger knew my secret ambition is to rid the world of evil and market my own range of hair-care potions — good girl! In fact" — he flipped her paper over — "full marks! Where is Miss Hermione Granger?"**

**Hermione raised a trembling hand.**

"**Excellent!" beamed Lockhart. "Quite excellent! Take ten points for Gryffindor! And so — to business —"**

**He bent down behind his desk and lifted a large, covered cage onto it.**

"**Now — be warned! It is my job to arm you against the foulest creatures known to wizard kind! You may find yourselves facing your worst fears in this room. Know only that no harm can befall you whilst I am here. All I ask is that you remain calm."**

**In spite of himself, Harry leaned around his pile of books for a better look at the cage. Lockhart placed a hand on the cover. Dean and Seamus had stopped laughing now. Neville was cowering in his front row seat.**

"**I must ask you not to scream," said Lockhart in a low voice. "It might provoke them."**

**As the whole class held its breath, Lockhart whipped off the cover.**

"Bit dramatic, bet it something really dull," Sirius said.

"Or something insanely dangerous that he has no ideas how to control," Regulus added.

"**Yes," he said dramatically. "Freshly caught Cornish pixies."**

"Neither actually," Charlus laughed. "Though, I don't think he would know how to control these either."

**Seamus Finnigan couldn't control himself. He let out a snort of laughter that even Lockhart couldn't mistake for a scream of terror.**

"**Yes?" He smiled at Seamus.**

"**Well, they're not — they're not very —dangerous, are they?" Seamus choked.**

"They can be," Narcissa said. "If you provoke them."

"**Don't be so sure!" said Lockhart, waggling a finger annoyingly at Seamus. "Devilish tricky little blighters they can be!"**

**The pixies were electric blue and about eight inches high, with pointed faces and voices so shrill it was like listening to a lot of budgies arguing. The moment the cover had been removed, they had started jabbering and rocketing around, rattling the bars and making bizarre faces at the people nearest them.**

"**Right, then," Lockhart said loudly. "Let's see what you make of them!" And he opened the cage.**

"He did not just do that," James said is disbelief. "They're going to ransack the entire room now!"

**It was pandemonium. The pixies shot in every direction like rockets. Two of them seized Neville by the ears and lifted him into the air.**

"Poor kid."

**Several shot straight through the window, showering the back row with broken glass. The rest proceeded to wreck the classroom more effectively than a rampaging rhino. They grabbed ink bottles and sprayed the class with them, shredded books and papers, tore pictures from the walls, up-ended the waste basket, grabbed bags and books and threw them out of the smashed window; within minutes, half the class was sheltering under desks and Neville was swinging from the iron chandelier in the ceiling.**

"**Come on now — round them up, round them up, they're only pixies," Lockhart shouted.**

"That's right," James said angrily. "Fix the mess you've made."

**He rolled up his sleeves, brandished his wand, and bellowed, "Peskipiksi Pesternomi!"**

"What kind of spell is that?!" Arcturus asked indignantly.

**It had absolutely no effect; one of the pixies seized his wand and threw it out of the window, too. Lockhart gulped and dived under his own desk, narrowly avoiding being squashed by Neville, who fell a second later as the chandelier gave way.**

"Oh, I hope he isn't hurt," Dorea fretted.

**The bell rang and there was a mad rush toward the exit. In the relative calm that followed, Lockhart straightened up, caught sight of Harry, Ron, and Hermione, who were almost at the door, and said, "Well, I'll ask you three to just nip the rest of them back into their cage." He swept past them and shut the door quickly behind him.**

"Typical," said Pollux. "The moron does not know how to fix the mess so he leaves it up to three twelve year olds."

"**Can you believe him?" roared Ron as one of the remaining pixies bit him painfully on the ear.**

"**He just wants to give us some hands-on experience," said Hermione, immobilizing two pixies at once with a clever Freezing Charm and stuffing them back into their cage.**

"**Hands on?" said Harry, who was trying to grab a pixie dancing out of reach with its tongue out. "Hermione, he didn't have a clue what he was doing —"**

"Damn right."

"**Rubbish," said Hermione. "You've read his books — look at all those amazing things he's done —"**

"**He says he's done," Ron muttered.**

"Alright," Andromeda said. "Your turn now Bella."

She sighed and grabbed the book from her sister.


	7. Chapter 7

**"Mudbloods and Murmurs," **read Bellatrix with a smirk.

"Ugh…" James said. "I don't think I'll like this chapter very much."

**Harry spent a lot of time over the next few days dodging out of sight whenever he saw Gilderoy Lockhart coming down a corridor. Harder to avoid was Colin Creevey, who seemed to have memorized Harry's schedule.**

"How cute!" Sirius squeled. "hIS has a little boy-stalker!"

"And that's cute?" James asked.

"Yes," Sirius said.

"How?"

"Just is."

"Weirdo."

"Thank you."

**Nothing seemed to give Colin a bigger thrill than to say, "All right, Harry?" six or seven times a day and hear, "Hello, Colin," back, however exasperated Harry sounded when he said it.**

"Then why would he keep saying it back?" Regulus asked. "That seems kinda odd to me."

"He was trying to be polite," James said. "But, I guess if you think about it, it wasn't a very affective way to get rid of the kid."

**Hedwig was still angry with Harry about the disastrous car journey**

"SheEsh, hold on to a grudge, much?" Sirius mumbled. "I bet she's just jealous she didn't get to ride too."

"Or she was really worried about them and the way she shows it is with anger," Regulus added.

**and Ron's wand was still malfunctioning, surpassing itself on Friday morning by shooting out of Ron's hand in Charms and hitting tiny old Professor Flitwick squarely between the eyes, creating a large, throbbing green boil where it had struck. So with one thing and another, Harry was quite glad to reach the weekend. He, Ron, and Hermione were planning to visit Hagrid on Saturday morning. Harry, however, was shaken awake several hours earlier than he would have liked by Oliver Wood, Captain of the Gryffindor Quidditch team.**

"All right! Quidditch!" Sirius cheered.

"**Whassamatter?" said Harry groggily.**

"**Quidditch practice!" said Wood. "Come on!"**

**Harry squinted at the window. There was a thin mist hanging across the pink-and-gold sky. Now that he was awake, he couldn't understand how he could have slept through the racket the birds were making.**

"**Oliver," Harry croaked. "It's the crack of dawn."**

"Best time to do it," Sirius said. "Hardly any one else wants to get up that early so the pitch is empty and you get more time!"

"Funny you say that now," James rolled his eyes. "I tell you the same thing at five-thirty and you tend to hex me."

"**Exactly," said Wood. He was a tall and burly sixth year and, at the moment, his eyes were gleaming with a crazed enthusiasm. "It's part of our new training program. Come on, grab your broom, and let's go," said Wood heartily. "None of the other teams have started training yet; we're going to be first off the mark this year —"**

"He does sound a awful lot like James," Sirius chuckled.

**Yawning and shivering slightly, Harry climbed out of bed and tried to find his Quidditch robes.**

"**Good man," said Wood. "Meet you on the field in fifteen minutes."**

**When he'd found his scarlet team robes and pulled on his cloak for warmth, Harry scribbled a note to Ron explaining where he'd gone and went down the spiral staircase to the common room, his Nimbus Two Thousand on his shoulder. He had just reached the portrait hole when there was a clatter behind him and Colin Creevey came dashing down the spiral staircase, his camera swinging madly around his neck and something clutched in his hand.**

"What on earth is he doing up?" Andromeda asked.

"**I heard someone saying your name on the stairs, Harry! Look what I've got here! I've had it developed, I wanted to show you —"**

**Harry looked bemusedly at the photograph Colin was brandishing under his nose.**

**A moving, black-and-white Lockhart was tugging hard on an arm Harry recognized as his own. He was pleased to see that his photographic self was putting up a good fight and refusing to be dragged into view. As Harry watched, Lockhart gave up and slumped, Panting, against the white edge of the picture.**

"All right! You go picture Harry!" Sirius cheered.

"**Will you sign it?" said Colin eagerly.**

"**No," said Harry flatly, glancing around to check that the room was really deserted. "Sorry, Colin, I'm in a hurry — Quidditch practice —"**

**He climbed through the portrait hole.**

"**Oh, wow! Wait for me! I've never watched a Quidditch game before!"**

"It's not a game," Regulus snorted. "It's just practice."

"So?" Sirius laughed. "He just wants time to stare adoringly at Harry**."**

**Colin scrambled through the hole after him.**

"**It'll be really boring," Harry said quickly, but Colin ignored him, his face shining with excitement.**

"**You were the youngest House player in a hundred years, weren't you, Harry? Weren't you?" said Colin, trotting alongside him. "You must be brilliant. I've never flown. Is it easy? Is that your own broom? Is that the best one there is?"**

**Harry didn't know how to get rid of him. It was like having an extremely talkative shadow.**

"I'm sure that will get old real fast," Sirius laughed.

"**I don't really understand Quidditch," said Colin breathlessly. "Is it true there are four balls? And two of them fly around trying to knock people off their brooms?"**

"**Yes," said Harry heavily, resigned to explaining the complicated rules of Quidditch.**

"Oh, they are not complicated," Sirius scowled.

"They tend to be to muggle-borns," James said. "Which is why most do not join the teams."

**"They're called Bludgers. There are two Beaters on each team who carry clubs to beat the Bludgers away from their side. Fred and George Weasley are the Gryffindor Beaters."**

"**And what are the other balls for?" Colin asked, tripping down a couple of steps because he was gazing open-mouthed at Harry.**

Sirius chuckled.

"**Well, the Quaffle — that's the biggish red one — is the one that scores goals. Three Chasers on each team throw the Quaffle to each other and try and get it through the goal posts at the end of the pitch — they're three long poles with hoops on the end."**

"**And the fourth ball —"**

"— **is the Golden Snitch," said Harry, "and it's very small, very fast, and difficult to catch. But that's what the Seeker's got to do, because a game of Quidditch doesn't end until the Snitch has been caught. And whichever team's Seeker gets the Snitch earns his team an extra hundred and fifty points."**

"**And you're the Gryffindor Seeker, aren't you?" said Colin in awe.**

"Yep," James said proudly.

"**Yes," said Harry as they left the castle and started across the dew-drenched grass. "And there's the Keeper, too. He guards the goal posts. That's it, really."**

"See?" Sirius said. "Easy peasy!"

**But Colin didn't stop questioning Harry all the way down the sloping lawns to the Quidditch field, and Harry only shook him off when he reached the changing rooms; Colin called after him in a piping voice, "I'll go and get a good seat, Harry!" and hurried off to the stands.**

**The rest of the Gryffindor team were already in the changing room. Wood was the only person who looked truly awake. Fred and George Weasley were sitting, puffy-eyed and tousle haired, next to fourth year Alicia Spinnet, who seemed to be nodding off against the wall behind her. Her fellow Chasers, Katie Bell and Angelina Johnson, were yawning side by side opposite them.**

"**There you are, Harry, what kept you?" said Wood briskly.**

"A incredibly annoying first year," Sirius said.

**"Now, I wanted a quick talk with you all before we actually get onto the field, because I spent the summer devising a whole new training program, which I really think will make all the difference…"**

**Wood was holding up a large diagram of a Quidditch field, on which were drawn many lines, arrows, and crosses in different colored inks. He took out his wand, tapped the board, and the arrows began to wiggle over the diagram like caterpillars. As Wood launched into a speech about his new tactics, Fred Weasley's head drooped right onto Alicia Spinnet's shoulder and he began to snore.**

"Come on guys!" James protested. "Pay attention here!"

**The first board took nearly twenty minutes to explain, but there was another board under that, and a third under that one. Harry sank into a stupor as Wood droned on and on.**

"**So," said Wood, at long last, jerking Harry from a wistful fantasy about what he could be eating for breakfast at this very moment up at the castle. "Is that clear? Any questions?"**

"**I've got a question, Oliver," said George, who had woken with a start. "Why couldn't you have told us all this yesterday when we were awake?"**

"That could be a good idea," Regulus laughed.

"But," James protested.

"But nothing," Regulus chuckled. "I would never do this to my team. And if I did at the very least I would have told them they were going to be getting up at the crack of dawn."

**Wood wasn't pleased.**

"I wouldn't have been either," James said.

"**Now, listen here, you lot," he said, glowering at them all. "We should have won the Quidditch cup last year. We're easily the best team. But unfortunately — owing to circumstances beyond our control —"**

"Hey! Don't make Harry feel guilty," James scolded.

**Harry shifted guiltily in his seat. He had been unconscious in the hospital wing for the final match of the previous year, meaning that Gryffindor had been a player short and had suffered their worst defeat in three hundred years.**

**Wood took a moment to regain control of himself. Their last defeat was clearly still torturing him.**

"**So this year, we train harder than ever before… Okay, let's go and put our new theories into practice!" Wood shouted,**

"I think that'll be a challenge," Charlus said. "None of them were awake to hear the new theories."

**seizing his broomstick and leading the way out of the locker rooms. Stiff-legged and still yawning, his team followed.**

**They had been in the locker room so long that the sun was up completely now, although remnants of mist hung over the grass in the stadium. As Harry walked onto the field, he saw Ron and Hermione sitting in the stands.**

"**Aren't you finished yet?" called Ron incredulously.**

"Nope," Sirius said cheerfully. "They have yet to begin!"

"**Haven't even started," said Harry, looking jealously at the toast and marmalade Ron and Hermione had brought out of the Great Hall. "Wood's been teaching us new moves."**

"Or trying at least," James scowled.

**He mounted his broomstick and kicked at the ground, soaring up into the air. The cool morning air whipped his face, waking him far more effectively than Wood's long talk. It felt wonderful to be back on the Quidditch field. He soared right around the stadium at full speed, racing Fred and George.**

"**What's that funny clicking noise?" called Fred as they hurtled around the corner.**

"Oh, just the annoying first year," Regulus said. "I'm amazed he waited for them to all come out. It must have been a few hours."

**Harry looked into the stands. Colin was sitting in one of the highest seats, his camera raised, taking picture after picture, the sound strangely magnified in the deserted stadium.**

"**Look this way, Harry! This way!" he cried shrilly.**

"**Who's that?" said Fred.**

"**No idea," Harry lied, putting on a spurt of speed that took him as far away as possible from Colin.**

"**What's going on?" said Wood, frowning, as he skimmed through the air toward them. "Why's that first year taking pictures? I don't like it. He could be a Slytherin spy, trying to find out about our new training program."**

"Umm... that's a far jump," Regulus said. "Besides, a Slytherin would be so much sneakier."

"**He's in Gryffindor," said Harry quickly.**

"**And the Slytherins don't need a spy, Oliver," said George.**

"And why is that?" Andromeda asked.

"**What makes you say that?" said Wood testily.**

"**Because they're here in person," said George, pointing.**

**Several people in green robes were walking onto the field, broomsticks in their hands.**

"**I don't believe it!" Wood hissed in outrage. "I booked the field for today! We'll see about this!"**

**Wood shot toward the ground, landing rather harder than he meant to in his anger, staggering slightly as he dismounted. Harry, Fred, and George followed.**

"**Flint!" Wood bellowed at the Slytherin Captain. "This is our practice time! We got up specially! You can clear off now!"**

"That's right," James said hotly. "Now go away!"

**Marcus Flint was even larger than Wood. He had a look of trollish cunning**

"How is that?" Narcissa asked incredulously. "Trolls don't have a ounce of cunning in them."

**on his face as he replied, "Plenty of room for all of us, Wood."**

**Angelina, Alicia, and Katie had come over, too. There were no girls on the Slytherin team, who stood shoulder to shoulder, facing the Gryffindors, leering to a man.**

"**But I booked the field!" said Wood, positively spitting with rage. "I booked it!"**

"**Ah," said Flint. "But I've got a specially signed note here from Professor Snape. 'I, Professor S. Snape, give the Slytherin team permission to practice today on the Quidditch field owing to the need to train their new Seeker'. "**

"**You've got a new Seeker?" said Wood, distracted. "Where?"**

**And from behind the six large figures before them came a seventh, smaller boy, smirking all over his pale, pointed face. It was Draco Malfoy.**

"How on earth do they have a new seeker already?!" James demanded. "There wasn't enough time for them to hold tryouts!"

"They more then likely didn't," Regulus said grimly. He was far from pleased as he saw the way the future Slytherins would act.

"Slimy gits," Sirius grumbled.

"**Aren't you Lucius Malfoy's son?" said Fred, looking at Malfoy with dislike.**

"**Funny you should mention Draco's father," said Flint as the whole Slytherin team smiled still more broadly. "Let me show you the generous gift he's made to the Slytherin team."**

**All seven of them held out their broomsticks. Seven highly polished, brand-new handles and seven sets of fine gold lettering spelling the words Nimbus Two Thousand and One gleamed under the Gryffindors' noses in the early morning sun.**

"Idoits!" Regulus scowled. "I can't believe they would be stupid enough to let someone buy their way into such a important position!"

"Sounds like a good broom though," Sirius mumbled.

"Is that all you ever think about," James laughed.

"No," Sirius smiled. "I think about food. Oh, and birds too."

"**Very latest model. Only came out last month," said Flint carelessly, flicking a speck of dust from the end of his own. "I believe it outstrips the old Two Thousand series by a considerable amount. As for the old Cleansweeps" — he smiled nastily at Fred and George, who were both clutching Cleansweep Fives —" sweeps the board with them."**

"It can't be that good," James said. "Besides it's not all about the broom. A great deal lies on the people riding them."

**None of the Gryffindor team could think of anything to say for a moment. Malfoy was smirking so broadly his cold eyes were reduced to slits.**

"**Oh, look," said Flint. "A field invasion."**

**Ron and Hermione were crossing the grass to see what was going on.**

"**What's happening?" Ron asked Harry. "Why aren't you playing? And what's he doing here?"**

**He was looking at Malfoy, taking in his Slytherin Quidditch robes.**

"**I'm the new Slytherin Seeker, Weasley," said Malfoy, smugly. "Everyone's just been admiring the brooms my father's bought our team."**

**Ron gaped, open-mouthed, at the seven superb broomsticks in front of him.**

"And that isn't going to feed Malfoy's ego at all," Regulus snorted.

"**Good, aren't they?" said Malfoy smoothly. "But perhaps the Gryffindor team will be able to raise some gold and get new brooms, too. You could raffle off those Cleansweep Fives; I expect a museum would bid for them."**

"Bloody git," Sirius growled.

**The Slytherin team howled with laughter.**

"**At least no one on the Gryffindor team had to buy their way in," said Hermione sharply. "They got in on pure talent."**

"That's right!" Sirius cheered. "Way to go Hermione."

"I don't think Malfoy is going to like that much," Charlus said worriedly.

"Eh, what can he do?" Sirius waved his hand nonchalantly.

**The smug look on Malfoy's face flickered.**

"**No one asked your opinion, you filthy little Mudblood," he spat.**

"Scum!" hiss James.

"Just keep going, Bellatrix," Dorea said tightly.

**Harry knew at once that Malfoy had said something really bad because there was an instant uproar at his words.**

"That's right," James said. "He doesn't know what it means yet."

**Flint had to dive in front of Malfoy to stop Fred and George jumping on him, Alicia shrieked, "How dare you!" and Ron plunged his hand into his robes, pulled out his wand, yelling, "You'll pay for that one, Malfoy!" and pointed it furiously under Flint's arm at Malfoys face.**

**A loud bang echoed around the stadium and a jet of green light shot out of the wrong end of Ron's wand, hitting him in the stomach and sending him reeling backward onto the grass.**

Pollux said grimly. "It backfired on him."

"**Ron! Ron! Are you all right?" squealed Hermione.**

**Ron opened his mouth to speak, but no words came out. Instead he gave an almighty belch and several slugs dribbled out of his mouth onto his lap.**

"Ew!" Sirius exclaimed. "That's disgusting!"

**The Slytherin team were paralyzed with laughter. Flint was doubled up, hanging onto his new broomstick for support. Malfoy was on all fours, banging the ground with his fist. The Gryffindors were gathered around Ron, who kept belching large, glistening slugs. Nobody seemed to want to touch him.**

"I wouldn't either," Sirius said.

"**We'd better get him to Hagrid's, it's nearest," said Harry to Hermione, who nodded bravely, and the pair of them pulled Ron up by the arms.**

"Very brave of them," Regulus nodded.

"**What happened, Harry? What happened? Is he ill? But you can cure him, can't you?" Colin had run down from his seat and was now dancing alongside them as they left the field. Ron gave a huge heave and more slugs dribbled down his front.**

"**Oooh," said Colin, fascinated and raising his camera. "Can you hold him still, Harry?"**

"No, he can not!" James said angrily "The boy is throwing up slugs and I highly doubt he wants his blood picture taken. Now, go away Creevy!"

"**Get out of the way, Colin!" said Harry angrily. He and Hermione supported Ron out of the stadium and across the grounds toward the edge of the forest.**

"**Nearly there, Ron," said Hermione as the gamekeeper's cabin came into view. "You'll be all right in a minute — almost there —"**

**They were within twenty feet of Hagrid's house when the front door opened, but it wasn't Hagrid who emerged. Gilderoy Lockhart, wearing robes of palest mauve today, came striding out.**

"Great!" James groaned. "Just what they needed!"

"**Quick, behind here," Harry hissed, dragging Ron behind a nearby bush. Hermione followed, somewhat reluctantly.**

**"It's a simple matter if you know what you're doing!" Lockhart was saying loudly to Hagrid.**

"Which I am sure you do not know," Arcturus sneered.

**"If you need help, you know where I am! I'll let you have a copy of my book.**

"Why would he want one?" Sirius asked. "It would be good for burning, I suppose."

**I'm surprised you haven't already got one — I'll sign one tonight and send it over. Well, good-bye!" And he strode away toward the castle.**

**Harry waited until Lockhart was out of sight, then pulled Ron out of the bush and up to Hagrid's front door. They knocked urgently.**

**Hagrid appeared at once, looking very grumpy, but his expression brightened when he saw who it was.**

"**Bin wonderin' when you'd come ter see me — come in, come in — thought you mighta bin Professor Lockhart back again —"**

**Harry and Hermione supported Ron over the threshold into the one-roomed cabin, which had an enormous bed in one corner, a fire crackling merrily in the other. Hagrid didn't seem perturbed by Ron's slug problem, which Harry hastily explained as he lowered Ron into a chair.**

"**Better out than in," he said cheerfully, plunking a large copper basin in front of him. "Get 'em all up, Ron."**

"That's right," Sirius said pleasantly, trying to ease the tension from the leftover anger due to Malfoy's comment. "Get it all out Ron."

"**I don't think there's anything to do except wait for it to stop," said Hermione anxiously, watching Ron bend over the basin. "That's a difficult curse to work at the best of times, but with a broken wand —"**

"He should have let someone else do it," James said. "Instead of giving Malfoy something to laugh about."

**Hagrid was bustling around making them tea. His boarhound, Fang, was slobbering over Harry.**

"**What did Lockhart want with you, Hagrid?" Harry asked, scratching Fang's ears.**

"To give him advice that he doesn't need," Orion said. "What he does best of course."

"Well that and being a idiotic, prat," James added.

"**Givin' me advice on gettin' kelpies out of a well," growled Hagrid, moving a half-plucked rooster off his scrubbed table and setting down the teapot. "Like I don' know. An' bangin' on about some banshee he banished. If one word of it was true, I'll eat my kettle."**

"Even Hagrid knows it's utter rubbish," Sirius laughed. "And Hagrid never talks badly about a Hogwarts professor!"

**It was most unlike Hagrid to criticize a Hogwarts' teacher, and Harry looked at him in surprise. Hermione, however, said in a voice somewhat higher than usual, "I think you're being a bit unfair. Professor Dumbledore obviously thought he was the best man for the job —"**

"You mean only," Regulus scoffed. "Though I'm still having a hard time thinking he was the only person Dumbledore could find."

**"He was the on'y man for the job," said Hagrid, offering them a plate of treacle fudge, while Ron coughed squelchily into his basin. "An' I mean the on'y one. Gettin' very difficult ter find anyone fer the Dark Arts job. People aren't too keen ter take it on, see. They're startin' ter think it's jinxed. No one's lasted long fer a while now. So tell me," said Hagrid, jerking his head at Ron. "Who was he tryin' ter curse?"**

"**Malfoy called Hermione something — it must've been really bad, because everyone went wild."**

"**It was bad," said Ron hoarsely, emerging over the tabletop looking pale and sweaty. "Malfoy called her 'Mudblood,' Hagrid —"**

**Ron dived out of sight again as a fresh wave of slugs made their appearance. Hagrid looked outraged.**

"Rightly so," Regulus said.

"**He didn'!" he growled at Hermione.**

"**He did," she said. "But I don't know what it means. I could tell it was really rude, of course —"**

"She doesn't know?" Sirius said in shock. "How could she not have read it."

"You know, Dumbledore is trying to rid the library of all the books with it in it," Charlus said. "He must have done a brilliant job at it."

**"It's about the most insulting thing he could think of," gasped Ron, coming back up. "Mudblood's a really foul name for someone who is Muggle-born — you know, non-magic parents. There are some wizards — like Malfoy's family — who think they're better than everyone else because they're what people call pure-blood." He gave a small burp, and a single slug fell into his outstretched hand. He threw it into the basin and continued, "I mean, the rest of us know it doesn't make any difference at all. Look at Neville Longbottom — he's pure-blood and he can hardly stand a cauldron the right way up."**

"Okay, that wasn't really called for," Andromeda said. "Neville seems like a really kind person."

"Yeah, but you've got to admit he isn't the worlds best wizard," Sirius said.

"So?" Andromeda retorted. "He's still young, for all you know he could become a fantastic wizard."

"Maybe," Sirius said doubtfully. "We'll have to see."

"**An' they haven't invented a spell our Hermione can' do," said Hagrid proudly, making Hermione go a brilliant shade of magenta.**

"**It's a disgusting thing to call someone," said Ron, wiping his sweaty brow with a shaking hand. "Dirty blood, see. Common blood. It's ridiculous. Most wizards these days are half-blood anyway. If we hadn't married Muggles we'd've died out."**

"Only if we all stayed in Britian," Arcturus argued. "A sixth of the worlds population is wizards. Logically if we were to move to different places then we would never have to marry muggles."

**He retched and ducked out of sight again.**

"**Well, I don' blame yeh fer tryin' ter curse him, Ron," said Hagrid loudly over the thuds of more slugs hitting the basin. "Bu' maybe it was a good thing yer wand backfired. 'Spect Lucius Malfoy would've come marchin' up ter school if yeh'd cursed his son. Least yer not in trouble."**

"Yeah, look at the bright side Ron," Sirius laughed. "You're only chucking up slugs, could have been worse."

**Harry would have pointed out that trouble didn't come much worse than having slugs pouring out of your mouth, but he couldn't; Hagrid's treacle fudge had cemented his jaws together.**

"Harry!" Dorea scolded. "You should know better then to eat Hagrid's food by now!"

**"Harry," said Hagrid abruptly as though struck by a sudden thought. "Gotta bone ter pick with yeh. I've heard you've bin givin' out signed photos. How come I haven't got one?"**

They all chuckled a bit.

**Furious, Harry wrenched his teeth apart.**

"**I have not been giving out signed photos," he said hotly. "If Lockhart's still spreading that around —"**

"Calm down, Harry," James said with a smile. "It was just a joke."

**But then he saw that Hagrid was laughing.**

"**I'm on'y jokin'," he said, patting Harry genially on the back and sending him face first into the table. "I knew yeh hadn't really. I told Lockhart yeh didn' need teh. Yer more famous than him without tryin'."**

"I'm sure he loved that," Narcissa said sarcastically.

"**Bet he didn't like that," said Harry, sitting up and rubbing his chin.**

"**Don' think he did," said Hagrid, his eyes twinkling. "An' then I told him I'd never read one o' his books an' he decided ter go. Treacle fudge, Ron?" he added as Ron reappeared.**

"That would be good wouldn't it," James laughed. "He would have his teeth glued together as he's barfing up slugs."

"It would make a funny prank," Sirius smiled, a tad evilly.

"You know what my dear friend," James said. "I do believe you are right."

"We shall have to try it sometime," Sirius chuckled. "But only on someone who really deserves it."

"**No thanks," said Ron weakly. "Better not risk it."**

"**Come an' see what I've bin growin'," said Hagrid as Harry and Hermione finished the last of their tea.**

**In the small vegetable patch behind Hagrid's house were a dozen of the largest pumpkins Harry had ever seen. Each was the size of a large boulder.**

"It looks like someone's giving nature a hand," Sirius said. "It is a mighty handy umbrella."

"**Gettin' on well, aren't they?" said Hagrid happily. "Fer the Halloween feast… should be big enough by then."**

"**What've you been feeding them?" said Harry.**

**Hagrid looked over his shoulder to check that they were alone.**

"That's right, he wouldn't want anyone else to know."

"**Well, I've bin givin' them — you know — a bit o' help —"**

**Harry noticed Hagrid's flowery pink umbrella leaning against the back wall of the cabin. Harry had had reason to believe before now that this umbrella was not all it looked; in fact, he had the strong impression that Hagrid's old school wand was concealed inside it. Hagrid wasn't supposed to use magic. He had been expelled from Hogwarts in his third year, but Harry had never found out why — any mention of the matter and Hagrid would clear his throat loudly and become mysteriously deaf until the subject was changed.**

"He does the same when we ask," Sirius said sadly.

"Well it is pretty personal," said Dorea. "Would you like the world to know why you got expelled if you did?"

"No," Sirius pouted. "But my friends would know!"

**"An Engorgement Charm, I suppose?" said Hermione, halfway between disapproval and amusement. "Well, you've done a good job on them."**

"**That's what yer little sister said," said Hagrid, nodding at Ron. "Met her jus' yesterday." Hagrid looked sideways at Harry, his beard twitching. "Said she was jus' lookin' round the grounds, but I reckon she was hopin' she might run inter someone else at my house." He winked at Harry. "If yeh ask me, she wouldn' say no ter a signed —"**

Sirius chuckled.

**"Oh, shut up," said Harry. Ron snorted with laughter and the ground was sprayed with slugs.**

"Gross!"

"**Watch it!" Hagrid roared, pulling Ron away from his precious pumpkins.**

**It was nearly lunchtime and as Harry had only had one bit of treacle fudge since dawn, he was keen to go back to school to eat. They said good-bye to Hagrid and walked back up to the castle, Ron hiccoughing occasionally, but only bringing up two very small slugs.**

"That's good," Charlus said. "Shouldn't last to much longer after that."

**They had barely set foot in the cool entrance hall when a voice rang out, "There you are, Potter — Weasley." Professor McGonagall was walking toward them, looking stern. "You will both do your detentions this evening."**

"**What're we doing, Professor?" said Ron, nervously suppressing a burp.**

"**You will be polishing the silver in the trophy room with Mr. Filch," said Professor McGonagall. "And no magic, Weasley — elbow grease."**

"That isn't to bad," Charlus said, though both of the younger Black brothers' scrunched faces. "What?" he asked them.

"The two of them never do anything without magic, Dad" James laughed. "Well Sirius at least. It's the one punishment that actually works on him."

"Regulus tends to be the same way," Narcissa smiled.

**Ron gulped. Argus Filch, the caretaker, was loathed by every student in the school.**

"**And you, Potter, will be helping Professor Lockhart answer his fan mail," said Professor McGonagall.**

"EW!" Sirius yelled. "I thought they weren't allowed to use torture as detention anymore!"

"Maybe it won't be so bad," James said hopefully.

"How on earth could it not be?" Sirius demanded. "He's going to have to spend hours with that fruity ponce!"

"**Oh n — Professor, can't I go and do the trophy room, too?" said Harry desperately.**

"**Certainly not," said Professor McGonagall, raising her eyebrows. "Professor Lockhart requested you particularly. Eight o'clock sharp, both of you."**

"Tough luck, Pup," Sirius said. "That really sucks."

**Harry and Ron slouched into the Great Hall in states of deepest gloom, Hermione behind them, wearing a well-you-did-break-school-rules sort of expression. Harry didn't enjoy his shepherd's pie as much as he'd thought. Both he and Ron felt they'd got the worse deal.**

"Harry did, hands down," Regulus said. "Even though I hate manual labor I would still take it over that idiot."

**"Filch'll have me there all night," said Ron heavily. "No magic! There must be about a hundred cups in that room. I'm no good at Muggle cleaning."**

"**I'd swap anytime," said Harry hollowly. "I've had loads of practice with the Dursleys. Answering Lockhart's fan mail… he'll be a nightmare…"**

James nodded sadly.

**Saturday afternoon seemed to melt away, and in what seemed like no time, it was five minutes to eight, and Harry was dragging his feet along the second-floor corridor to Lockhart's office. He gritted his teeth and knocked.**

**The door flew open at once. Lockhart beamed down at him.**

"**Ah, here's the scalawag!" he said.**

"What is he? A pirate?"

"**Come in, Harry, come in —"**

"Run! Run, Harry, run!" Sirius urged.

**Shining brightly on the walls by the light of many candles were countless framed photographs of Lockhart. He had even signed a few of them. Another large pile lay on his desk.**

"**You can address the envelopes!" Lockhart told Harry, as though this was a huge treat.**

"Oh joy," James sneered.

"**This first one's to Gladys Gudgeon, bless her — huge fan of mine —"**

"Hey! Isn't that the little sister of the guy that almost lost his eye while he was trying to poke the Whomping Willow?" Sirius asked.

"Yeah," James said. "She's a firstie in Hufflepuff right now."

"And she's already declared her undying love for Lockart," Regulus added. "Several times in fact."

"Well you know what they say about the Puffs," Sirius chuckled. "Always loyal they are."

**The minutes snailed by. Harry let Lockhart's voice wash over him, occasionally saying, "Mmm" and "Right" and "Yeah." Now and then he caught a phrase like, "Fame's a fickle friend, Harry," or "Celebrity is as celebrity does, remember that."**

"That doesn't even make sense! Why would he want to remember gibberish?" James scowled.

**The candles burned lower and lower, making the light dance over the many moving faces of Lockhart watching him. Harry moved his aching hand over what felt like the thousandth envelope, writing out Veronica Smethley's address. It must be nearly time to leave, Harry thought miserably, please let it be nearly time…**

**And then he heard something — something quite apart from the spitting of the dying candles and Lockhart's prattle about his fans.**

**It was a voice, a voice to chill the bone marrow, a voice of breathtaking, ice-cold venom.**

_"__**Come… come to me… Let me rip you.. .Let me tear you.. .Let me kill you…"**_

"What the hell?" James asked worriedly.

"He's probably just getting tired James," Sirius assured him.

"Yeah," James nodded. "He's just tired of listening to some prat carry on. That's all."

**Harry gave a huge jump and a large lilac blot appeared on Veronica Smethley's street.**

"**What?" he said loudly.**

"**I know!" said Lockhart. "Six solid months at the top of the best-seller list! Broke all records!"**

"**No," said Harry frantically. "That voice!"**

"**Sorry?" said Lockhart, looking puzzled. "What voice?"**

"**That — that voice that said — didn't you hear it?"**

**Lockhart was looking at Harry in high astonishment.**

"**What are you talking about, Harry? Perhaps you're getting a little drowsy? Great Scott — look at the time! We've been here nearly four hours! I'd never have believed it — the time's flown, hasn't it?"**

"See?" Sirius said. "The moron didn't hear it. So Harry must have just dozed off for a second."

"Um, Sirius?" Andromeda smiled sweetly. "You do realise you've just agreed with Lockhart, right?"

"EW!"

"I guess not," Regulus cackled slightly.

**Harry didn't answer. He was straining his ears to hear the voice again, but there was no sound now except for Lockhart telling him he mustn't expect a treat like this every time he got detention. Feeling dazed, Harry left.**

**It was so late that the Gryffindor common room was almost empty. Harry went straight up to the dormitory. Ron wasn't back yet. Harry pulled on his pajamas, got into bed, and waited. Half an hour later, Ron arrived, nursing his right arm and bringing a strong smell of polish into the darkened room.**

"**My muscles have all seized up," he groaned, sinking on his bed. "Fourteen times he made me buff up that Quidditch cup before he was satisfied. And then I had another slug attack all over a Special Award for Services to the School. Took ages to get the slime off… How was it with Lockhart?"**

"Cry baby," Regulus mumbled under his breath.

"Awful," James groaned. "And now he's hearing voices!"

**Keeping his voice low so as not to wake Neville, Dean, and Seamus, Harry told Ron exactly what he had heard.**

"**And Lockhart said he couldn't hear it?" said Ron. Harry could see him frowning in the moonlight. "D'you think he was lying? But I don't get it — even someone invisible would've had to open the door."**

"**I know," said Harry, lying back in his four-poster and staring at the canopy above him. "I don't get it either."**

**"**That's it," Bellatrix said handing the book to Dorea. She cleared his throat and continued…


End file.
